Stay With Me
by choose joy xox
Summary: Have you ever been so sure of something that you would bet your life on it, something that you were confident would never alter or lessen? What do you do when that changes? How do you move on from that? CAN you move on from something so debilitating? A Spoby-ified version of the Vow. Read, review, and enjoy
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to my new story! I've decided I enjoy using the basic premise of romance movies as a plot for a Spoby story! So here you have the Spoby version of the Vow :).**

**This chapter is NOT sad, this chapter is actually fluffy as hell. Have to establish their pre-tragedy relationship :). This will be set up a lot like Let's Go Back to the Start, if you read that. There will be memories interspersed throughout all the chapters from Toby's POV. Most of the story will be from his POV. There will be some Spencer POV obviously, but most of hers will come later!**

**Speaking of memories, if someone can tell me my inspiration for the Spoby memory down below I'll dedicate the next chapter to you :)**

**BEFORE ANYONE ASKS... Hanna, Spencer, Toby, and Caleb will be the main characters in this story. Emily will DEFINITELY make an appearance, and Aria might. It depends. If you can't tell, I don't like Aria much :P**

**ALSO, I got a PM suggesting I write a Spoby Titanic story. Is that something you guys would read? I think I can handle writing two stories at once again, as long as they both get a response! So let me know!**

**Review and let me know what you think! More reviews equal a faster update! First reviewer gets a mention in the next chapter!**

Prologue

Few things can be held onto with absolutely certainty. You can be reasonably sure that the sun will rise in the morning and that it will set in the evening. You can walk through life with the confidence that it will one day end. Everyone knows that when they go to sleep they will most likely wake up the next morning fine and intact.

Have you ever been so sure of something that you would bet your life on it, something that you were confident would never alter or lessen? Something fickle, something that not everyone has? But you were lucky enough to be blessed with something so wonderful, so secure.

What do you do when that changes? How do you move on from that?

Chapter 1

TPOV

There were few things in the world that Toby loved more than waking up before the alarm clock went off. It was weird, he knew that. Most people were content to hit snooze until it was either get up or be late for work. But he had more important things to do.

It might have been creepy, but he loved to have an extra minute to watch his wife sleep. She was always so wound up, and her demanding job left her forehead wrinkled in tension. He loved that he could see her at her most peaceful. His fingers gently brushed her hair out of her face, and he dropped a soft kiss to her forehead before sneaking a glance at the clock on their bedside table.

It looked like he had longer than a brief minute to appreciate Spencer's unconscious beauty. He carefully untangled his and Spencer's intertwined limbs and swung his body off of their bed. He looked down at her for a moment, a soft smile spreading across his lips. She was so beautiful. He could live a thousand lifetimes and still not understand what the hell he had done to deserve her. But he would be forever grateful, because there was no life without her. Not anymore.

He adjusted the blankets over her shoulders to make sure that she was warm enough before ducking out of their bedroom. He walked into the kitchen and began to quietly pull out the ingredients and equipment necessary the make French toast and sliced fruit. Spencer made breakfast more often than he did, so he appreciated that he was able to do this for her.

_Beep, beep, beep._

His sleepy smile only grew as he heard Spencer moving around in their room. Their alarm was unnecessarily loud enough to probably wake up their entire neighborhood. It was pointless because Spencer was up with the first beep, but she was perpetually afraid of sleeping through her alarm. She was a nerd, but she was his nerd.

"Hey." His whole body relaxed at the sound of her voice. He hadn't even known that he was tense until he felt it all melt away when she spoke.

He finished plating their breakfast and turned around with an expectant smile. And he wasn't disappointed. He took a step forward and pushed her messy hair away from her bleary eyes. "Hey," he murmured before leaning in for a kiss.

"I have morning breath, Toby," she protested half-heartedly.

"Hmmm," he mused. "I think I can handle it." He laughed quietly and ducked down for another kiss. "Good morning," he whispered with his forehead against hers. This was his favorite part of the day. It didn't matter if he lost everything, as long as he got to keep her.

"I made breakfast." He tried to keep the pride out of his voice, but he hadn't entirely succeeded. He wasn't a great cook, but he knew he could make a pretty awesome plate of French toast.

"You're adorable when you put your chef hat on," Spencer half yawned half laughed. "But thank you. This is perfect."

He pulled her chair out for her as she sat at the table. He knew she was a feminist. He knew that she could pull the chair out for herself, but he always did it anyway. Not because he thought her incapable, Spencer could probably single handedly take over the world if she wanted to; but because he loved her and wanted to help her in any way that he could.

He slid a plate in front of her and took a seat at the table across from her. Spencer took a heaping bite of food, and he laughed as her eyes lit up. "Holy shit, Cavanaugh," she laughed after she swallowed. "I think I can hear the angels singing the Hallelujah chorus now! These are flipping delicious."

All he could do was smile. Even after five years together he was thrilled that he could make her react like that. His smile grew as he fondly remembered the first time that they met.

_He was nervous. And it wasn't like that was out of character for him. He wasn't the most well-liked guy in high school. Actually, hated might be a better adjective. But when you had a psycho step-sister and an undeserved reputation there was only so much you could do. But college was going to be different. He didn't want another four years saturated by loneliness. But he honestly had no idea how to make friends._

_"Hey, do you have a pencil I can borrow?"_

_He looked around before glancing at the owner of the melodical voice. She couldn't be talking to him, could she? His breath caught in his throat as he took in what might have been the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Expressive chocolate brown eyes, mahogany hair that cascaded down her shoulders, slender legs that went on for days... He wasn't usually one to judge based upon appearance, but even he had his limits. She was beautiful._

_His hand searched through his bag, and he pulled out a black, mechanical pencil. "You can keep it," he said. "My mom sent me with about a million."_

_She laughed, "My mom bought me enough notebooks to fill a bookshelf and a drawer full of pens, but she didn't think that might need a pencil for Calculus. What's your major, by the way?"_

_"Architecture," he said proudly. He always thought that he'd maybe get into construction. But the fact that he got in to UPenn's architecture department changed everything about his life. Who knew that he'd be successful? "What about you?"_

_"Interior Design! I thought about pre-med, but I don't have the stamina for double digit years of education," she laughed. "Oh! What's your name? I guess that should have been my first question."_

_"I'm Toby," he laughed, holding his hand out to shake hers. This girl was full of questions, and he kind of liked it._

_"Spencer," she smiled, firmly shaking his hand. He liked this girl. He liked her a lot. Not only was she beautiful, well-spoken, and intelligent, but she also had a firm handshake. "Listen, I know this is a little creepy, but do you want to go get coffee after class? I have no friends but my roommate, and I don't want to go back to an empty dorm."_

_"Same," he laughed and nodded in agreement. "I could use a caffeine hit."_

_And somehow he knew deep down inside that this was the start of something special._

"Toby?"

He smiled and looked up at the sound of his name spoken in his favorite voice. The fact that she was the only person who could make him smile like that was not lost on him. God he loved her.

When she saw that he was paying attention to her she reached out and put her hand on top of his. "Where'd you go?"

"I was just thinking about the time we met," he said, enjoying the smile that appeared on her face.

"I still have that pencil, you know. It's in a box at my parents' house."

The dark look that appeared on her face due her mention of her parents concerned him, but he knew better than to comment. Their estrangement was Spencer's choice. He didn't like the Hastings much, but he would support Spencer in whatever she chose to do. But her current less than happy demeanor gave him an idea. "Hey, what are you doing tonight?"

"Hanna and I have a meeting with some clients at 4, but then nothing. I thought we could watch Jeopardy in our pajamas tonight. Maybe we could break out the old Scrabble board." she laughed. Her suggestion was something that she would enjoy far more than him, but she knew he would do anything for her. And cuddling on the couch while she got excited over knowledge wasn't exactly a hardship. He loved the way her eyes lit up when she knew the answer.

But tonight he had a better idea. "Well, I was thinking we should try that date thing again. It's been awhile."

"Oh, there's this French movie playing at the foreign theater! I've been wanting to see it for ages..." she hesitated. "But if you'd rather go see something else..."

He rolled his eyes and stood up, taking both of their empty plates. He waited until he had them rinsed off and in the sink before turning back to Spencer and brushing a kiss to the top of her head. "If that's what you want to see then that's what we'll see. I'll pick you up at your office at 6? Does that give you enough time to finish your meeting?"

"If not Hanna can handle it. She's more charming than I am anyway," she laughed as she affectionately made fun of her best friend. "She's the charmer and I'm the brains."

"I doubt that's true," he murmured, leaning down to kiss her one last time before walking past her to go get ready for work. A quick shower and a jaunt through his closet for work appropriate clothes took him right up until it was time for him to go.

Apparently Spencer had been moving a bit more quickly than he had because she met him at the door, fully dressed for work, with a travel mug of coffee. He smirked and took it from her, setting it on the entry table and wrapped a quick arm around her waist. She squealed with laughter as he pulled her against his chest and pressed a sound kiss to her lips. When they pulled apart he peppered a series of light pecks across her forehead, causing her to giggle. "I love you so much, Spence," he murmured into her ear. "I'll see you tonight, okay?"

She smiled and nodded, "See you at 6. I love you too."


	2. Chapter 2

**I have a job interview so I gotta make this quick. Um did I dream that I got 15 reviews for the first chapter, or are you guys just that amazing?! Kristhefangirl, thanks for being first! But you're all amazing!**

**Okay, got to go! Review quickly again and you'll get another chapter fast!**

**Also, I got several affirmatives on the Spoby Titanic, so I think I'm going to give that a go! Love you all! REVIEW!**

Chapter 2

TPOV

He loved his job. He loved being able to drive around the city and point out buildings that he had been given the opportunity to work on. He drove under the shadow of the skyscraper his team worked on last year as he made his way to Spencer's office building. He was experiencing a level of career success that he had never anticipated, and he couldn't help but feel a small sense of pride in himself for being on the road to accomplishing his dreams.

He pulled up in front of Spencer and Hanna's office building and put his truck in to park. He didn't bother to get out because he knew that his anal, obsessively early, adorable wife would be watching for him. It was 5 minutes past the time he said that he'd arrive, but she'd still be watching.

And sure enough, he had scarcely had time to take a quick drink of water from the bottle in his cup holder before Spencer gracefully exited the building. Her radiant smile stood out amongst the bustling, rush hour crowd. He looked at her and swore that he could pick her out anywhere. A football stadium sized crowd, a masquerade, a dark room... he would always be able to find her. That's what love was.

"Today was absolutely wild," Spencer groaned as she climbed into the truck. "These clients said they wanted one room done, right? Ha! No, they actually want their whole first floor redesigned. And our boss is basically requiring that these be priority customers, so we're going to have to push back all of our appointments, and-"

He laughed. He couldn't help it. She was so cute when her anxiety came out to play. He put a hand on her thigh. "Easy there, Spence. Let it go for the night and enjoy yourself."

She let out a long breath and nodded, sinking into her seat. "You're right, of course." She grinned and pushed his hair back. "You're always right."

After a quick peck to her lips he put the car in drive and drove to the foreign movie theater. They kept up a sense of companionable silence. The drive to the theater was fast, despite the traffic. Or maybe it was because he was content to stay in the car with Spencer forever. Either way, the drive seemed too short. He parked on the curb and immediately walked to Spencer's side and opened the door for her.

She laughed and grabbed his hand so he could help her down. "You don't have to do that, you know."

"I know," he said simply. He didn't have to give her an elaborate response. She knew.

_If he wasn't sitting in an enclosed car he would be pacing. As it was he was tugging on his hair to the point that if Spencer didn't come out soon he was probably going to go prematurely bald._

_He didn't know why he was so nervous. They had been on dates before, many dates. But this was different. Everything was different now that he came to a certain realization._

_His frazzled nerves calmed slightly as Spencer slid into the car. He would have gotten out to open the door for her if he had noticed her coming. "You look beautiful," he said softly. And he wasn't just saying that. Her short black dress made her legs look like the went on for days, and it made her skin look softer and creamier than usual. God, he was so lucky that she chose him._

_She laughed and intertwined their hands together. "You don't look so bad yourself."_

_He internally scoffed, but he wasn't willing to start that particular argument again. She compared a weed to the entire garden. "Is that Italian place alright for dinner? I'm craving some lasagna."_

_"Oh you know how I can put away my pasta," she joked, lifting his hand to her lips absentmindedly._

_And as soon as his hand met her lips he pulled over to the side of the road and turned the car off. Spencer gasped when he hit the breaks, putting a bad on the truck's roof to steady herself. "What the hell, Toby?"_

_"I need to tell you something, and I'm a little worried it's going to send you running. And that would honestly break my heart." His voice was much quieter than usual, and he was aware that he was kind of sounding like a girl. But he couldn't help it. Spencer brought out all of his mushy sides._

_"What are you talking about, Toby? Are you alright?"_

_Great, he was worrying her. Not his intention. "I'm fine," he said softly. He turned to look at her, framing her face in his hands. "I'm fine. Spencer-" he cut himself off to swallow deeply. "Spencer, I think I'm in love with you."_

_He just looked into her eyes, searching for a response. The hysterical laughter that slipped through her lips wasn't exactly what he was hoping for. He released her and nodded a few times, trying to keep the disappointment off of his face. He wouldn't be one of those guys that pushed her. Maybe- maybe if he hadn't screwed things up too badly it would be something that developed over time._

_"No, hey, Toby," she grabbed his hand and started rubbing out a circular pattern on the back of it with her thumb. "Listen, I didn't laugh because what you said was ridiculous or because I d-didn't feel the same way," she said earnestly. "I laughed because- I-I love you too."_

_He just looked at her for a second, studying her face. Was she just saying it to make him feel better? No, he could see the truth of her declaration in her eyes. She loved him. He smiled widely and leaned over to kiss her, putting one hand on the small of her back and the other at the base of her neck. She responded immediately by gently stroking his face. He pulled back and looked down at her for a second, his smile only growing. "I **love **you," he repeated, happy that he didn't have to hold back that particular sentiment any longer._

_"I love you too," she whispered again, with a grin. She leaned up to kiss him again and again, each one more passionate than the last._

_Needless to say, they didn't make it to the restaurant that night._

They walked together into the theater hand in hand. He couldn't stop the wide smile from appearing on his face at Spencer's excitement. He could care less what movie they saw as long as it made her smile like that. Hell, he'd walk across hot coals to make her smile like that.

The movie was a blur. He was pretty sure that the plot involved windows and people staring forlornly out of them, but he was too busy watching the enraptured look on Spencer's face. She always got so engrossed in these foreign films, and he honestly found it endearing as hell.

After the credits began to roll they walked together to his truck, their hands intertwined together like usual. He was always so in awe of the way they fit together. Like two puzzle pieces. They fit together perfect. Nothing had ever felt better.

"So, what did you think?" Spencer asked as they climbed into the truck. "I loved the ending scene. Usually movies can't surprise me, but I wasn't expecting that."

"Shocking," he agreed, even though he had no idea what had happened. He had been too busy creepily staring at his wife.

"You hated it," she surmised immediately. She was far too intuitive for her own good, although she wasn't quite right. "I told you we should have gone to see something else!"

"I didn't hate it," he protested. "I was just- distracted."

"By what?" She laughed. "It was a dark movie theater. I was probably all that you could see besides the screen."

"Exactly," he laughed. "Stop being so distracting."

"You're a dork." She grabbed his hand to soften the mild insult. "But I guess I'll keep you around."

He glanced at the clock, not quite ready to go home yet. "You hungry?" He didn't know why he was asking her the question. He knew what her answer would be.

"Not really, but I could use-"

"A coffee." He completed her sentence with a laugh. He flicked on the turn signal and headed in the direction of her favorite cafe. He really did know her too well, but he didn't care. He liked knowing her quirks, habits, and responses. He liked knowing everything about her. "You should just consider getting your caffeine through an IV. I'm sure your blood is more coffee than actual blood at this point."

"Don't make fun of me," she laughed in good nature. "I have plenty on you, Cavanaugh."

He lifted their intertwined hands and pressed his lips to the back of hers. "I love you, Spence." He didn't know why he was changing the subject into more serious waters, but he just had to say it.

"I love you-"

But before she could finish her sentence she was cut off by a loud crashing noise. He watched in horror as Spencer's side of the car crumpled up around her. He moved to help her, but the car rolled on its side again and again and again. He didn't know what way was up or down. Hell, he barely could think of his own name. All he knew was that the car needed to stop so he could check on the one that meant the world to him.

Suddenly pain exploded throughout his entire body. He thought it might have started in his stomach, but he wasn't sure. Soon it radiated everywhere. Pain. Blood. Brokeness.

Finally the car stopped. It probably lasted a few seconds, but to him it felt like an eternity. He reached out with a trembling hand and put it against Spencer's bloody, still arm. "Spence," he managed to force out before his world went dark and he passed out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Next chapter! Sorry it took so long, but I couldn't decide how Toby would react! So I wrote it twice, lol. This is obviously what I went with.**

**I always feel a little ehhh about my hospital chapters, so I hope you guys like it! Let me know what you think! Your reviews for this story so far have been out of this world!**

**So I've gotten about 8 reviews asking about my doing a Spoby version of the Proposal. Usually I'm down with whatever my readers want to read, but I'm not sure I can do that and still keep Spoby in character. And THAT is important for me. So I will think about that one :). I would have responded via PM, but most of you were guest reviewers!**

**OKAY! Read, review and yeah... okay! Cool! Next chapter will be up around the time this story passes 30 reviews! :). I haven't finished it, but I'm going to work on it tonight, so it should be done!**

**Next chapter is from Spencer's POV if that's any motivation. I might actually do it from Toby's POV too. I usually hate it when stories do that, but the next chapter is IMPORTANT. Okay, anyways BREAK.**

Chapter 3

TPOV

Visions of red danced in front of his eyelids. It was like a dream that he knew that he was in. But what was that red?

He felt heavy, like he was being held down. He couldn't move. What the hell had happened? Where was he, and why wasn't his body working? The rush of air from someone opening and closing a door cooled his heated face. What the hell was going on?

"Toby, wake your ass up man. There's shit going down that you need to deal with."

Caleb? He was supposed to be out of town on business. Why was he back?

"Your truck's totaled man, but you're both alive- and that's the most important thing right now."

At the mention of his totaled truck everything came back so quickly that his head spun. He put all the effort he could muster into opening his eyes. He had to figure out what had happened. The car hit Spencer's side of the car- God, if she wasn't okay he wasn't sure that he'd ever be able to forgive himself.

He quickly managed to blink his eyes open, but he immediately snapped them shut, the bright hospital lights burning his retinas.

"Toby?"

He groaned, knowing that would get Caleb's attention. He needed to get it together. The only comfort would be in the details of what happened, and it sounded like Caleb had those.

"Alright man, that's it. Just open your eyes."

He blinked a few more times before he was able to fully open his eyes. He squinted up at his best friend and licked his lips, trying to get in a state to speak. He needed to know about Spencer.

"There you are. Are you alright? Should I go get a nurse?"

He shook his head and swallowed roughly. "Spencer?" He rasped out. What was wrong with him was inconsequential as long as she was okay.

Caleb hesitated. "Are you sure, man? You don't look too good."

"I'm- fine," he coughed. "How's Sp-Spencer?"

"Toby-" Caleb hesitated again. But this time Toby was beginning to think that it was less about concern for his well-being and more about wanting to avoid telling him about Spencer.

"Caleb, talk to me. How is Spencer?" He was begging. He didn't like to beg, but he had to know.

"Breath, Toby," Caleb sat down on the chair next to the bed. "She'll be okay. She hasn't woken up yet, but she'll be fine. Hanna's with her."

He shook his head and looked down at himself. There weren't too many wires or tubes. He could get up. In what was probably not one of his better ideas, he gripped the smooth IV tube and ripped it out of his arm. Blood spurted out of his arm, and he immediately felt light headed. He would have kept going, but Caleb pushed him back onto the bed and pressed his hand hard against the bleeding spot. "What the hell? I know you want to see Spencer, but don't be stupid about it. Let me call a nurse."

Caleb reached over and hit the call button. Toby squirmed slightly, and Caleb pushed him more soundly into the bed with his free hand. "Swear to God, Cavanaugh," he snapped. "I will punch a guy in a fucking hospital bed if you don't sit still."

His lips twitched, and he did as Caleb said because he wouldn't put it past him to actually punch him. "Caleb, I need-"

"Calm your shit, dude. I will take you to her as soon as the nurse fixes you and gets you a wheel chair. Trust me, I know you well enough to picture you sneaking through the hospital halls in search of her room." Caleb looked half amused and half frustrated.

A nurse bustled into the room and balked at the sight of the blood on his arm but said nothing as she carefully repaired the IV and wiped up the blood. "Now, I trust you're intelligent enough not to do that again?" Her words were a bit condescending, but her tone was nothing but concerned.

He opened his mouth to respond affirmatively, even if it was a lie. He had to see Spencer. But Caleb spoke first. "No he's not. He's blinded by affection for his wife. He'll keep trying unless you let me take him down to her room."

"I'm not sure-"

"Please," Toby cut the nurse off. She had to understand. "I'm not going to be able to relax until I see that she's okay. I just need to see that she's still breathing. I **need** to see that she's alright."

"Mr. Cavanaugh-" The nurse looked like she was going to refuse again, but he wouldn't let that happen.

"Listen," he began. He was about to be a manipulative bastard, which he hated, but he couldn't think of another way. "You seem like a reasonable lady, so let me tell you what I'm going to do. If you won't help me see my wife I'm going to check myself out of the hospital against medical advice. Then I can sit at her bedside without worrying about people like you."

He'd have to apologize later, but as he saw her face softening he couldn't feel guilty. Not if it got him to Spencer. "I'm not trying to be rude," he said softly. "I just don't think I can express to you how much I need to see her; not want, **need.**"

"Alright," she said reluctantly. "Let me get a wheelchair and figure out what room she's in." She turned and walked out the door without hesitating, obviously wanting to get away from the crazy guy in the hospital bed.

"These nurses are all going to _love _you, Cavanaugh," Caleb laughed from the chair he had moved too. "What the hell was that?"

"Romance?" He suggested sheepishly.

"Yeah, yeah," Caleb waved his hand dismissively and pulled out his phone. "Let me let Hanna know that you strong armed the nurse into taking you over there," he laughed. "I didn't think that was going to work."

"Spencer makes me a little crazy," he laughed. He winced as the laughter jostled whatever injuries that he might have had. "So, speaking of injuries, am I alright?"

"Yeah, you're just a little banged up," Caleb said as he pulled down the blankets a little bit to show him his bruised arms. "From what I hear those famous abs of yours are worse," he laughed.

"How long has it been?" He asked warily. Caleb had been out of town, so it had to have been a decent chunk of time.

"About 12 hours. You've been in and out. I guess they gave you some good shit for the pain if you don't remember," he laughed again. His mood seemed to be getting better the more they talked.

"And what's going on with Spencer? You said she was still out?" She was still unconscious after 12 hours? That didn't sound good.

"Yeah," he looked down at his phone before looking back up at Toby. He could already tell that Caleb was going to downplay it, so he was glad that he'd get to see her. "Hanna said that the doctors said that she hit her head pretty hard. She lost some blood, and she's banged up. But it's the head thing that's the issue with her."

It was almost comical how quickly he felt the blood drain from his face. He didn't want her to be hurt at all. But before he could respond the nurse walked in with a wheel chair. It took the combined efforts of Caleb and the petite nurse to get him in the wheelchair, and once it was accomplished the woman began to push him through the depressing hallways with Caleb trailing behind.

He wanted to question them endlessly on what happened. He wanted to know every detail of their conditions, first Spencer's and then his own. He wanted to know exactly what he could do to help. But he just couldn't talk. Sometimes something so devastating occurs that your mind is just wiped of all emotion. He was okay. Spencer would probably be okay. But this was just all too much. How was he supposed to handle the fact that he could have died? Or that he could have lost Spencer?

But that all left his head as soon as he was wheeled into her room. The sight of the person that he loved the most in the world laying prone on a hospital bed.

"It's not as bad as it looks, Toby," Hanna said softly, from the chair next to Spencer's bed. "Her nurse was in here a second ago and said that she should be waking up any time now."

He heard Hanna, but he didn't acknowledge her. All of his focus was on Spencer. Seeing her like this was breaking his heart, and unfortunately it wasn't the first time he saw her in a hospital bed; albeit the last time was considerably less devastating.

_He rounded the corner, intent upon finding her room. She would probably be alone, and he wouldn't allow that for another second. He could see the Hastings printed next to the door directly in front of him. Thank God. He was afraid that he'd have to take an unnecessary delay and stop by the nurses' station. He burst through the door, expecting to find her alone._

_Instead his eyes were met by an older woman who looked an awful lot like Spencer sitting at her bedside. The woman looked up with a tight smile, but he only had eyes for Spencer. The younger girl's entire face lit up when she saw him walk in, and that's all that mattered._

_"Toby!" She beckoned for him to come closer._

_He happily complied. There was nothing that he wouldn't do to make that kind of smile appear on her face. But his worry hadn't made him lose any sense of manners that he possessed. He was still polite. When he reached the older woman, who had to have been Spencer's mom, he held his hand out to her. "Hi, I'm Toby Cavanaugh."_

_"Ah, so you're the illustrious boyfriend that my daughter had been hiding from us. Veronica Hastings, Spencer's mother," she replied coldly. She took his hand and weakly shook it._

_So this woman didn't like him for some reason. And he would never verbally admit it, but it stung a little bit. He had automatically assumed that everyone in Spencer's life was as warm and welcoming as she was, but he was apparently mistaken._

_Spencer gave him an apologetic look as she reached out for him. He gave her a reassuring smile. He wasn't mad, and she should have already known that. His hand found hers, and their fingers locked together. He want to kiss her, but he thought that might be a little much in front of her mother. Instead, he settled for lifting their intertwined hands and pressing his lips to her wrist. "Are you okay?"_

_"I'm fine," she groaned. "Don't get all paranoid on me, Cavanaugh."_

_"But what happened?" He was genuinely curious. All Hanna had said was that she broke her leg in a few places and had to get surgery to correct it before she hung up. Not the most descriptive of explanations._

_Mrs. Hastings let out a sound that sounded somewhere between a cough and a laugh. "Now that Mr. Cavanaugh is here I think that I'll go get a coffee. I'll be back in a half an hour or so, Spencer."_

_Spencer just nodded, her lips pressed together. As an after thought, just before Mrs. Hastings walked out the door, Spencer called out behind her. "Could you get me one too?"_

_This time Mrs. Hastings didn't try to hold back her laughter. "I was wondering when you'd ask. Yes, I'll bring you back a jumbo, black coffee. Just how you like it."_

_Spencer smiled at her mom for the first time since he had been in there. "Thanks, mom."_

_Mrs. Hastings smiled softly before vacating the room. As soon as she was gone Spencer turned to him again. "What was your question? Sorry, they have me on some awesome drugs right now, and they're making me a bit woozy."_

_He smiled and ran his fingers through her hair. "I just was wondering what happened. All Hanna told me was that you broke your leg."_

_"Oh it's embarrassing," Spencer laughed. "I have a history final tomorrow, and I was in the library studying. But there were too many screaming freshman on the first floor. I took my books and was heading to one of the upper floors, but I guess I missed a step. I tumbled down like three flights of stairs, and some burly football player was behind me. It was actually adorable. He tried to catch me, and when he couldn't he raced down and was screaming for help. So embarrassing!"_

_"Well at least you'll be alright," he murmured, finally dropping down and pressing his lips to hers in a passionate kiss. "I love you so much, Spencer."_

_"I love you too," she said, leaning up for another kiss._

_Seeing her in that bed was the worst, but at least she was okay. He needed her like he needed the air that he breathed._

"Spencer!"

He blinked his eyes open at Hanna's shout. "What's going on?" He tilted his head to the side to look at Hanna questioningly.

"Didn't you just see that? She opened her eyes!" Hanna touched Spencer's hand softly. "Come on Spencer, wake your ass up."

Toby's lips twitched, but he didn't laugh like he usually would have. Hanna could make someone laugh on their worst day. But right now he didn't move his vigilant eyes from Spencer's face. "Spence?" He breathed, not wanting to get his hopes up too high. If he believed she would wake up and didn't he would be devastated. "Please wake up, Spencer. You're alright. You're safe, and you're surrounded by the people that love you. Wake up, baby."

This time he saw it as she blinked, her nose wrinkling in concentration. He glanced up and realized what the problem was. "Can someone turn the lights off? I think they're hurting her eyes."

Caleb, who was still by the door, flipped the lights off. Toby turned back to Spencer. He wanted to pull her into his arms, but he refrained from touching her until she was aware of what's going on. "Spencer?"

This time she was able to keep her eyes open. Her chocolate, brown orbs traveled from person to person, growing more and more distressed as she went on. They lingered on him for a moment. "I- who are you people? Where are my parents?"

**_What?_**


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is short! So I'm sorry about that! But I wanted her parents to be in their totally own chapter! Next one will be longer, promise! **

**Either way, I hope you love it! Review and let me know what you think! Next chapter will be up at 40 reviews :)**

Chapter 4

SPOV

Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, and her chest was on fire. She looked from face to face, carefully studying each in the hopes of catching a hold of some degree of familiarity. But it was hopeless. She didn't know these people. "Who are you?" She asked again, this time with a little bit more weight behind it.

"Spence..."

Her eyes swiveled to look at the boy who spoke. She didn't know him. There was nothing familiar about him. But any retort she would have spoken was stolen by the unadulterated pain that flashed in his sky blue eyes. Should she know who he was? You don't look at someone with that amount of longing without some history. "I'm sorry." She truly felt bad, but she couldn't change the fact that she didn't know him.

"Spencer, listen to me." This time the pretty blonde closest to the bed spoke to her. "Can I sit?" She asked, gesturing to the empty space at the foot of Spencer's bed.

Spencer looked the blonde up and down speculatively. It could be a massive mistake, but something inside her heart told her that she could trust her. She nodded, and as the girl sat down Spencer decided that she wanted to be sitting as well. She put a hand on either side of her body and pushed herself up off of the crinkly hospital mattress.

"Careful," the boy with the blue eyes said in a pained whisper.

The blonde girl reached for Spencer's hands to steady her. "Breath Toby. I've got her." She smiled at the boy, that was apparently named Toby, before turning to Spencer. "I'm Hanna Marin. We've been best friends since we started college. We were paired as roommates, and we've been inseparable ever since."

"College? But I just graduated high school..." But by the concerned look the other three exchanged she knew there had to have been something wrong with that statement.

"Spence," Hanna spoke after shooting a silencing glare at the one called Toby. "You um- you actually just graduated college a year ago. I'm going to go get a nurse."

Spencer shot her arm out and wrapped her fingers around Hanna's wrist. She might not have remembered Hanna, but somehow she trusted her. She didn't want to be left alone. Hanna looked at her for a long moment before turning to the guy by the door. "Caleb, will you-"

He cut her off with a nod. "I'll be right back."

Spencer watched him go, relieved. "So who is everyone else?"

"The one that just left was Caleb Rivers. He's my boyfriend and another one of your really good friends. We met him at the end of sophomore year when he tracked me down to return my lost wallet. It was like destiny or some other cosmic force," she laughed. But when she turned to look at Toby all the amusement died from her face. "Toby..."

He gave Hanna a significant look before shakily taking the steps that were necessary to reach her bedside. "Is- is this okay?" He said softly, never taking his piercing blue eyes off of her face.

She nodded wordlessly. She didn't know why it was okay, but it was. He nodded to himself a few times. "Spencer- Spence-" he swallowed, obviously having a difficult time speaking. "We started dating around Christmas our freshman year, and we've been together ever since."

"So you're my boyfriend?" She asked, slightly scandalized. "What about Alex?" The last she remembered she was dating Alex Santiago, and she had no idea why that might have changed.

"That was your high school boyfriend, right?" Toby chewed on his lip, trying to figure out how to answer her question. "I- You told me you guys had a falling out right after graduation."

She sensed that there was more to the story, but she was more curious as to who this guy really was. "So you're my boyfriend?" She repeated.

"No Spence," he sighed. "I'm your husband."

It was like the world stopped. She could see Hanna and Toby moving. Toby's lips were forming words that she didn't comprehend. It was like one of those old silent movies, but this time there was no translation. Her hands were cold and numb, and her head was pounding incessantly. "I w-want my parents," she choked out. "N-now, please."

It wasn't that she didn't trust these people, and it wasn't as though she couldn't see herself growing to love them. It was that this was the single most overwhelming experience of her life. She needed to be around people that she knew. She needed to see familiar faces and know that she knew the stories behind those faces. She needed her family.

"I will call them if you want me to Spencer, but you should know that you haven't spoken to them in quite some time," Hanna sighed. "You had a bit of a falling out."

"Over what?" It wasn't that surprising. She loved her parents, but they fundamentally disagreed on a lot of things.

"It's not really my place to tell you," she said softly. She pulled out her cell phone and walked slowly into the hallway. She could see her talking animatedly on the phone through the large window by the door.

As soon as she pulled her eyes away from Hanna she realized that she was alone with Toby, which was the last thing she wanted. But she couldn't be rude. He carried an air of desperation about him. Snubbing him would be like kicking a puppy when it was down. "What's your last name?" She asked him, just trying to make conversation.

"Cavanaugh," he replied immediately. His eyes were tinged red, and he ran a tense hand through his hair.

She had the distinct impression that he would do or say anything that she asked, and she wasn't sure that she liked that. It felt like too much power to have someone so intricately invested in your life.

She was going to tell him how interesting of a last name it was, but she was cute off by a choked sob. It alarmed her when she realized that it came from Toby. "Are you alright?"

He just looked at her, desperation all over his face. "No," he whispered. "Not even a little bit. Listen, Spence... I just- I have to say this, and I don't know how I'll react. But no matter what, I can't live in a world where you don't know. I love you. _I love you. _I love the way you argue with me over stupid stuff like the size of the road and sugar free gum. I love the way you press your freezing cold feet to me in the middle of the night. I love how you always shout out the answer on Jeopardy before I get a chance. I love every single part of you. Forever. No matter what."

She opened and closed her mouth, at a complete loss for words. Alex loved her, she was sure of it. But he never told her, let alone like that. What the hell was she supposed to think? What was she supposed to do? **Why couldn't she remember!?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Guys, going from 15 reviews to 5 is about my least favorite thing :(. But that's okay. 5 is better than 0, I guess!**

**This chapter is from Toby's POV. The next will be from either Spencer's or a combo of POVs. I haven't fully decided yet!**

**Okay, so I got an anonymous review telling me they can't read all my depressing stories and that they know how this one ends! Let me ask you, did I end my PS I Love You story like the movie? I did not! And this one will also not be ending like the movie. So, don't assume things, alright! I'm just going for basic plots here!**

**Let me know what you think, and we can beat 5, yeah? Next chapter will be up once I finish writing it!**

Chapter 5

TPOV

He thought that he knew pain. But anything and everything that he had experienced up until this point absolutely paled in comparison to having his wife look at him with no recognition in her eyes. He could literally feel his heart being ripped into pieces every time she looked at him.

But he couldn't make that known. He worked hard to keep his face neutral. There would be time for pain, tears, and anger later; when she was asleep or he was alone he could act on all the emotions he wanted. But he refused to make her feel guilty for something that was beyond her control. This wasn't her fault. If it was anyone's fault it was his. He should have seen that damn car before it plowed into them.

Why did it have to be her? He would have taken the brunt of it gladly if it meant that she didn't have to be frightened in a hospital bed. Because seeing her in pain and afraid was infinitely worse than having to feel it for himself.

It wasn't that their relationship was perfect. It was far from it. They fought, usually about each other's well-being. They annoyed each other. They argued about stupid things. But at the end of the day they loved each other enough to move past any argument.

"Toby?"

Her raspy voice had his immediate attention. His eyes vigilantly studied her face, ready to help her with whatever she needed. But before she was able to speak again a nurse and a doctor walked in, closely followed by Caleb. Hanna followed them in shortly after.

"Well, we heard that you're having a bit of a memory problem. Can I ask what the last thing you remember is?" The doctor asked Spencer once he reached her bedside.

Spencer threw a desperate look at Hanna, who immediately moved from Caleb's side back to her chair next to the bed. When Spencer was satisfied that Hanna was settled she turned back to the doctor. "When I was 18. Right before I graduated from high school."

"And how old are you now?" The doctor asked. What an incompetent idiot. Could he not have checked her chart before he walked in? It took everything in him to not express his displeasure, but if Spencer didn't remember him he didn't want her to get the impression that he was some kind of an asshole.

Spencer looked at Hanna questioningly. And with that look the remainder of his heart shattered. She didn't even know how old she was. This was all his fault.

An unreadable emotion passed over Hanna's face, but she still gave Spencer a reassuring smile before turning to the doctor. "She just turned 24 a few weeks ago."

He nodded with pursed lips. He looked like he was trying to figure out the best way to say what was on his mind. "Okay, well it seems as though you're suffering from post-traumatic, retrograde amnesia, which basically means that because you hit your head so hard in your accident you're having trouble remembering some stuff that happened in the past."

"Is it reversible? And try explaining it this time like I'm not an idiot." Toby's lips twitched at Spencer's response. Being talked down to was one of her greatest pet peeves. She was still in there.

"Maybe. There's no real cure for amnesia. It heals itself in most patients after a period of time."

"And will I get my memories back?" Spencer asked, with a side glance at Toby. He wondered what that was about. Did she want to remember him? Or was she hoping that she didn't?

"It all depends. Some people get all their memories back, some people remember a few things, and then other people never remember. Amnesia's kind of a mystery in the medical field," he frowned apologetically.

"Is there anything that we can do to encourage her memories to return?" Hanna asked.

"Well, it's not a guarantee, but I've seen it work in several cases. She should return to her normal life, or as normal as she can make it. Patients often will feel tempted to regress to what they remember, but that could be the most damaging thing for her," the doctor explained. "Now, I need to continue on my rounds, but if you need anything else just have me paged."

Toby leaned heavily against the wall and slid down until his butt met the floor. He rested his head against his knees, fully incapable of hiding his emotions anymore. His muscles ached, reminding him that he wasn't well either. But that was inconsequential in the grand scope of things. This was too much. It was all too much. What if she never remembered? What if he never saw that spark of love in her eyes again when she looked at him?

What do you do when the worst thing happens? How do you move on from that? What do you have to do to survive? Because for him this was the worst. He needed Spencer like he needed air. He needed her more than any other single thing in his life.

He could hear Spencer and Hanna talking, but the words weren't reaching his ears. "Toby." Caleb's voice asked from right next to him. He felt as Caleb shifted to a sitting position to mimic his own. "Toby, man, you've got to pull yourself together. She needs you right now, whether she realizes it or not."

But he didn't have time to dwell on that, because the Hastings burst through the door before he even had time to comprehend Caleb's words.

"Spencer, darling!" Mrs. Hastings exclaimed. She ran to her daughter and quickly kissed either of her cheeks.

"Mom!" And for the first time since she woke up Spencer seemed genuinely happy. And that killed him, because he knew how she felt about her parents. He wanted her to make up with them, but because she _wanted _to. Not because she didn't remember to be mad at them to begin with.

Mr. Hastings silently walked to his daughter's bedside and tightly gripped her hand. Neither of them even glanced his way, not that he expected them too. They never approved of him. And he didn't necessarily blame them for **that. ** Spencer was as close to perfection as it was possible to get. She was compassionate, funny, kind... no guy could ever deserve her, least of all him. He knew that, but he thanked God every day that she chose him anyway. It wasn't her parents disapproval of him that made him dislike them. It was the way that they treated Spencer that he found unforgivable.

_Toby laughed as Spencer sang along to the radio. Her smile was carefree as her hair blew out the window. She looked like she didn't have a care in the world, and as long as she was happy he was too._

_But it didn't last long. It never lasted long when they were going to visit the Hastings. They weren't necessarily cruel to their daughter, they just were overly critical to the point of being hurtful. He supposed it came with the status or whatever, but he would truly never understand how they failed to see just how beautiful their daughter was._

_He watched sadly out of the corner of his eye as she pulled a brush out of her purse and carefully fixed her hair and makeup. Didn't she realize that she didn't need any of that? She was perfect just the way she was. But as they pulled into the long, gated driveway of the Hastings' manor she only grew more agitated. "Spence," he murmured, moving his hand to her thigh. He just stroked it gently with his thumb while he worked on how to phrase exactly what she needed to hear. "Don't let them make you feel badly about yourself. It's them that are flawed, not you. You're intelligent, successful, **beautiful**, and I love you."_

_She relaxed slightly and turned to kiss him. "Thanks for coming with me," she said softly with her forehead pressed against his. "I know you don't like them much, and to be honest I don't particularly enjoy spending time with them myself, but they're my family. I have to try. And having you here make it so much easier."_

_He just smiled, lightly brushing his lips over hers. "I would do anything for you, Spence. You don't have to thank me."_

_There was a light knock on the window on Spencer's side of the truck causing the two of them to jump apart, slightly embarrassed to have been caught. Spencer's older sister Melissa sheepishly waited for them to open the door. "Sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, but dad saw your truck and was going to come out here. But I convinced him to let me!"_

_Spencer laughed and wrapped her arms around her sister the second she was out of the car. "Far less awkward than had dad caught me practically making out with my boyfriend. Thanks, sis."_

_"I owed you," Melissa winked, and Toby could tell from the blush on Spencer's cheeks that he didn't particularly want to hear this story._

_He pulled Melissa in for a side hug, and the three of them walked into the biggest house that he had ever been in. The first time he came home with Spencer he thought that she had jokingly taken him to a museum or something. But nope. The Hastings just enjoyed the ostentatious, I'm better than you, nature of their house._

_"Spencer!" Mrs. Hastings smiled regally at her daughter and slid a glass of champagne into her hand when she was close enough. "It's so wonderful to see you dear." She glanced at her for a second before dropping her voice to a not very quiet whisper. "Your father's in the restroom down here, but the one upstairs should be free if you'd like to wash up before brunch. Your hair's looking a bit messy."_

_"No mother, I think I'm fine," Spencer said tightly. She wrapped her arms around herself for a second before turning around and finding his eyes. If he could do nothing else, this was something that he could do. He inserted as much love and acceptance that he could into his gaze and reached out to her._

_He saw her shoulders relax lightly. She grabbed another glass of champagne and came to him, ignoring his hand and tucking herself beneath his shoulder. Fine by him. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. "I think you look beautiful," he whispered._

_She giggled and pressed her face into the spot where his shoulder and neck met. He knew that meant that she was taking a moment to get her emotions under control. He took the glass of champagne intended for him, and gently ran his fingers through Spencer's hair. He was content to hold her forever, and it wasn't as though her family noticed. Melissa and Mrs. Hastings were having a muted conversation, and Mr. Hastings was no where to be seen._

_He knew that they didn't approve of him, which was fine. But they couldn't treat Spencer like that, he wouldn't allow it. As he held her he mentally vowed to do whatever it took to remind her of just how wonderful she was. Even if he had to tell her every single day. She was worth it._

"Toby?"

He looked up again, this time more reluctantly. He didn't want to talk to either of the Hastings. His emotions were already volatile. If they said the wrong thing he was likely to hit them. And instead of helping his wife he'd end up in jail.

He knew that he must look a mess, and that suspicion was only confirmed by the semi-disgusted look on Mrs. Hastings' face. "After a brief discussion in the car, my husband and I believe that it's in our daughter's best interest to come home with us. I'm sure you're perfectly capable of caring for her," her face suggested the exact opposite as she paused, "but she should be around what's familiar right now. She should be around her family."

He gave her a sharp look. Spencer might not remember what their falling out was over, but he certainly did. He wouldn't tell her because it wasn't his place, but Mrs. Hastings should. She had no right to lecture him on what was the right thing to do in regard to Spencer. She hadn't given Spencer a second thought in three years.

_He closed his eyes. Because if she looked into them right now she would see just how angry he was. Not at her, necessarily, but at the situation. "Spencer," he said softly, trying to keep his ire out of his voice. "I know you love them, but it's okay to cut out toxicity."_

_"They're my parents," she whispered brokenly._

_And with the sound of her broken voice all of his anger disappeared. He sat down next to her on her futon and pulled her trembling body into his lap. He held her tightly against his chest and pressed his lips to the top of her head. This was not something she should be dealing with, especially on the precipice of starting her junior year of college. She should be excited. They should be out with Hanna and Caleb, celebrating the start of another year. Instead she was smacked in the face with the information that her parents weren't who she thought that they were. "It's your decision Spencer, but you need to know that you don't **need **them. They are your parents. But they aren't your only family. Melissa is pretty sane, and I can promise you that you'll never lose me. I'm here for as long as you want me to be."_

_She opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by her ring tone. "It's mom," she muttered, her finger hovering over the answer button. But just as he thought she was going to accept the call she hit decline and threw it at the wall. "I'm done."_

_He held her in his arms throughout the night, and even as she cried into his shirt he couldn't help but thinking about how proud he was of her for standing up for herself and for what was right. _

"I disagree," he said simply, proud of himself for not telling her to shove her opinion up her ass.

"That's really not your decision," she began, but Hanna beat him to the obvious reply.

"What kind of shitty lawyer are you? They're married. It's totally his decision," she snapped. He forgot that Hanna and Caleb had never really spent much time with the Hastings before. He should have forewarned them.

"While I agree with Hanna on a technical level, it really is Spencer's decision," he said softly. He turned to Spencer, praying that she decided the way that he wanted her to. Or else he would probably lose her forever. The Hastings would poison her against him. "But Spence, listen for a second, okay? I know it's hard to wrap your mind around right now, but we are... were... happily married. I _**love** _you, Spencer. And I won't push you. I won't beg you to choose me, as much as I want to. You have to do what you think is right. But- at home there are things that maybe can job some memories for you? I don't really know how it works, but I was there for most of the years that are lost to you. I can help you remember. But either way, I love you, okay? I'll always love you. There isn't anyone else for me."

He leaned heavily against the wall and closed his eyes. He rested his head against his knees again, because he didn't want anyone in this room to see him cry. He could feel the water pooling in his eyes and spilling out over his pajama covered knees. She had to choose him. She just had too. How was he supposed to live without her anymore?

"Honey," Mr. Hastings spoke for the first time. "While Toby makes some good points, I think that you should be around your family right now. We know and love you best."

"That's _not _true," Hanna pushed. He was glad she was speaking, because he couldn't. He wouldn't. There was nothing he wanted more than to fall on his knees in front of her and beg. But she was hurting and confused. He refused to make that worse for her. The Hastings wouldn't love her like she deserved, but they would take care of her physical needs. And that was pretty important too.

"We're the ones that have been there for her the past three years while you were absent," Hanna continued. "Every birthday, every holiday, _everything. _We were there for _everything. _So don't waltz in here and pretend like you've been perfect parents all things time. Newflash, you've basically been the worst."_  
_

"Enough!" Spencer snapped weakly from the spot on her bed. He didn't like how weak she sounded. His eyes found their way to her face, all concern about tears forgotten. She was more important.

He was surprised to see Spencer's eyes on his face as well. She just looks at him for a moment before speaking. "Toby's right, this is something that I need to decide. I don't want to hurt any of you, but I think I know what's best for me medically."

Toby swiped at his tear filled eyes and held his breath, waiting for Spencer's decision. The decision that will change his life forever. Will he get to keep her? Will he get to remain the same Toby that he's always been? Or will he lose her, and in the same go lose himself? There was no life without her anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

**Um, the first memory... it's a bit intense, but I wish they would have done it more like this on the show instead of having Spencer figure it out in passing. But yeah... okay. Just read it. It might be triggering for some people. Feel free to skip past it.**

**This chapter is weird. I just wanted Spencer's decision in her POV. I needed the rest in Toby's. Next chapter is half done and is another split POV. But it's more evenly split.**

**Project find the Fault in Our Stars quote! **

Chapter 6

SPOV

She turned to look out the window thoughtfully, all the decisions that she had to make were overwhelming her. The thunderstorm that was brewing outside reflected the tumultuous emotions that were swimming through her troubled mind. What was she supposed to do?

Everyone was talking, but all she heard were Toby's words replaying in her head. _And I won't push you. I won't beg you to choose me, as much as I want to. You have to do what you think is right._

Her eyes lingered on Toby's shaking back. It wasn't hard to tell that he was crying. _I love you. _He had said. And he meant it. It was so obvious that he meant it with every part of his heart. You couldn't fake emotion like that. She only wished that she could remember returning the sentiment.

It was her choice. It had to be her choice. And as terrifying as it was, as absolutely horrifyingly awful it could turn out, she knew what she needed to do. She knew what was best for her. At least for now. And that was the beauty of taking charge of her own life. Nothing was permanent. If her decision ceased to be the right one she could always change her mind.

"I want to go with Toby," she whispered. She refused to look up, knowing that she'd hurt her family. But she wouldn't change her mind. He had the answers that she needed, and she would do anything to get them.

TPOV

_"I want to go with Toby."_

Tears ran down his face, but even so, he couldn't stop himself from looking up and studying her face once he comprehended her words. She what? "A-are- Are you sure?" His stuttering and his tears were embarrassing. If she never regained her memories this would be her forever first impression of him. Was that what he wanted her to remember? But it didn't matter. It couldn't be helped. He tried to wipe the tears away, but they were only replaced by more.

"What are you talking about, Spencer? Why would you want to go with him?" Mrs. Hastings' fake smile was gone, and was replaced by her true personality.

Spencer flinched, causing Toby to stand up. She was hurting, and he wouldn't let anyone, not even her mother, make this any harder on her than it already was. "Mr. and Mrs. Hastings, I think you should leave. This has to be overwhelming for her, and I think that you're hurting more than you're helping."

"How dare-" Mr. Hastings began, but Spencer cut him off.

"No, I think he's right. I love you both, and I appreciate you coming out here. But I need to find the memories I lost, or at the very least I need to know what happened during those years. And he's the only one who can help me with that."

He didn't want to be too hopeful, because he knew that his wife had a tendency to run if she began to feel overwhelmed. And this would be the single most overwhelming experience of her life, the parts that she remembers and the parts that she doesn't. But God, when he looked at her he didn't see a scared girl who lost her memories. He saw his wife; the woman that he loved more that life itself. Her pain was his pain. Her loss was his loss. So he didn't just see her fear. He felt it, and it was enough to bring him to his knees.

Growing up, there was no one that he cared about. His mom left when he was just a baby, and his dad was too heartbroken to take care of him. His stepmother never acknowledged him, and Jenna took advantage of him in the worst way possible. Before Spencer stumbled into his life he thought himself incapable of love. He still wasn't sure how it happened. He fell in love with her like you fall asleep, slowly and then all at once. Suddenly, without warning, his heart went from bleak and dark to consumed with love for the girl that saved him from himself.

And he was pretty sure she had felt the same way.

_He lifted her underneath the back of her legs and carried her to her bed. Her soft giggle warmed his heart. "Are you sure?" He murmured. If he weren't carrying the only person who had ever held his heart he would close his eyes and revel in the unfamiliar emotions that were overtaking his heart. How could one girl, one beautiful girl, make him feel so much?_

_"Yes," she breathed, her warm breath against his neck causing him to shiver. Her trust in him caused the love that was already consuming him to swell up to a near unendurable level. He had never felt like this toward anyone before. Spencer had come into his life mere months ago, and she was systematically transforming everything._

_He gently, ever so gently, placed Spencer on top of her pillows. Once she was settled he lifted himself onto the bed and crawled over her, careful not to burden her with any of his weight. "You're so beautiful," he breathed, his lips brushing lightly over hers._

_"You're crazy," she murmured as she tugged his shirt hem upward. He ducked down to help her pull it off before starting to clumsily unbutton her shirt. She chuckled and helped him while stretching her neck upward and meeting his mouth with her own. "I love you."_

_He smiled against her lips and pulled her closer, one hand supporting her neck and the other on the small of her back._

_And everything was fine; everything was perfect... until it wasn't. The girl beneath him wasn't the same. She was similar in appearance, but everything else felt horrifyingly wrong. Her iniquitous brown eyes pierced through to his very heart, stealing the love and replacing it with fear. Her long, blood-red finger nails dug into his skin has they raked down his back. **Jenna.**_

_"No," he gasped, pushing her off of him. "No." He couldn't let this happen. Not again._

_A pained gasp reached his ears. "Toby?"_

_And suddenly things were clear again, but he felt worse than he had before. "Oh my God," he groaned, looking everywhere but at her. "Oh my God. Spencer, I'm **so** sorry."_

_Out of the corner of his eye he saw her grab her shirt and pull it back on, haphazardly buttoning it. "Look at me, Toby. What happened?"_

_"I-" He started to speak, but he cut his own words off when he realized there was a humiliating stream of tears running down his cheeks. He was going to have to tell her, but he didn't know how._

_The bed shifted as she moved in front of him. He felt her put a hand on each of his legs and leaned forward to press their foreheads together. "I'm not mad at you. I think the tears and the fear on your face are making it more than obvious that you didn't mean it. Are you okay?"_

_He shook his head, for the first time allowing her to take on some of her weight, and she did so graciously. How did he tell the girl that he hoped to spend the rest of his life with that his stepsister had forced him to- do things? He was supposed to be strong. He was more than twice her size. How was anyone ever going to believe that he didn't want it?_

_But he also wasn't going to let Spencer think that he **didn't **want it with her, because he did. It's just that every time they got heated Jenna resurfaced like the unwanted nightmare that she was. "It's not you, Spence, it's me. My stepsister, Jenna- she um- she..." he trailed off, too choked up to continue. Usually when the depression washed over him he was able to push it off, but with Spencer there it was harder._

_He finally worked up the courage to look up at her. Her head was tilted to the side, and her eyes were filled with confusion. "What-" She began, but she stopped. Understanding lit up in her eyes before it quickly transformed into rage. "She didn't. Please tell me I'm wrong..."_

_He just shook his head and looked at the ground. "I'm sorry."_

_Spencer took his face in her hands again and tilted his head up so that he could see her face. There was still anger there, but there was another unidentifiable emotion buried within the depths of her eyes. She stroked his cheek with her thumb. "Never apologize for something that wasn't your fault. Are you okay? Are you safe now?"_

_"Yes. She- she got this disease... it's making her lose her sight, and she got too depressed to- you know," he muttered as vaguely as possible. "But Spence- you know this had nothing to do with you, right? I just- I'm a little broken, and-"_

_Spencer moved one of her hands to lace her fingers with his own. "Toby, don't you dare. Don't you dare say another self deprecating thing about yourself. What she did to you- It was **not your fault.**"_

_"But-" he really didn't agree with her. He could have stopped Jenna. He was just scared that she would follow through with her threats. He would never hurt another person like she hurt him._

_"No buts. Now tell me where this bitch lives so I can go kick her ass."_

_He could see the seriousness in her eyes, which made the laughter that bubbled up from his stomach impossible to resist. She was everything. He never thought that he would recover from the horrors of his past, but even now he could slowly feel her heart mending. Maybe he would be okay one day. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I love you so much," he breathed._

_She lifted their intertwined hands and brushed her lips over his calloused knuckles. "I love you too."_

He shook his head at the bittersweet memory. It was the first time he told anyone about Jenna, but it was also the moment that he realized just how deep his love for the brown eyed beauty went. She believed in him when he didn't even believe in himself, and he knew that there was nothing in the world that he wouldn't do for her.

Helping her regain her memories? Being patient with her for awhile? Helping her while she was hurting? Those things were nothing compared to what she did for him. He would still be lost in his black hole of despair if it weren't for Spencer.

He looked back up. Jenna wasn't worth another second in his thoughts. She wasn't worth anything. He was surprised to see that the Hastings were gone. He fully anticipated having to get them forcibly removed, and he truly would have done that had her thought that Spencer needed it. "What should we do now."

"You guys can go too, if you want," Spencer said softly. "I know you've probably been here awhile, and I can be alright on my own."

She was forgetting that he did actually know her pretty well, and the reluctance that went along with that statement was palpable. "I'm not going anywhere, Spence. If you want to be alone that's fine. I'll wait in the waiting room, but I'm not going to leave you completely alone right now."

"Besides, he kind of busted out of his hospital room himself," Caleb laughed. "I'm getting kind of hungry though. Any takers on some take out? I'll bring it back here."

"I'll come too. The Grille?" Hanna asked.

"Where else is there to eat in Rosewood?" Caleb laughed again. He was always a bit of a cheerful idiot.

"Just get me a chicken sandwich," he shrugged. He was easy, because he always got the same thing.

"I'll have a-" Spencer began.

But Hanna chuckled and finished for her. "A grilled cheese with tomato and mayo on the side? You've always gotten the same thing for as long as I've known you."

Spencer genuinely smiled for the first time in awhile. "Well I'm glad I haven't completely changed."

Hanna smiled, and the two of them walked out, talking quietly. Toby looked down at his hands and studied his nails. Usually being with Spencer was so easy, but tonight he was feeling uncomfortable. What did he say to her? He was so in love with her, and she didn't even know him. It was just a creepy and uncomfortable feeling.

"Toby?"

His eyes immediately moved to her face. Nothing would stop him from helping her, not even his own insecurities.

"Can you answer some questions for me? I know some things will be better described in the environment, but I just need _some _answers." She looked at him hopefully, like she almost expected him to refuse. As if he could ever refuse her anything.

"Of course," he said softly, pulling himself up from the floor and grunting as his back protested. He had almost forgotten that he was in the same accident that stole Spencer's memories. But it didn't matter. His injuries were inconsequential. He sank down into the chair next to her bed and closed his eyes, waiting for the pain to pass.

"Are you alright?" The concern in her voice made his heart jump. The effect that Spencer had on him was a bit embarrassing sometimes, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

"I'm fine," he murmured. He wouldn't add to her stress. She was dealing with enough without worrying about him. "What did you want to know?"

"What did I major in?"

He had to bite back his laughter. Of course that would be the first question she asked. What a nerd. "Interior Design with a minor in Business."

"I actually had the nerve to major in what I wanted too?" She seemed a bit dazed. "Is that why I fought with my parents?"

"Hmm. Not quite." He wanted to tell her all about their falling out, but that wouldn't be fair. It would unfairly taint her opinion of her family. He wanted her to choose him because of who he was, not because she was disappointed in her family.

She looked at him for a second before nodding briefly. "I know you said we're married... but it's hard to believe when you don't remember anything. How did you propose?"

He smiled despite himself as he started the story for her.

_He wanted it to be perfect. She deserved perfection, but damn it, everything was going wrong. He forgot the flowers, it started to rain during their walk to their spot overlooking Philadelphia, and now they were stuck underneath a picnic pavilion. She deserved better._

_And without warning the wind started to blow the rain straight under their protective cover, almost immediately soaking their clothes. He groaned in protest, shrugged out of his jacket, and wrapped it around Spencer's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Spence."_

_She giggled and shrugged far enough out of his protective hold and pressed her lips to his cheek. "Shut up. This is an adventure."_

_"I was going for romantic," he chucked reluctantly. "I'm kind of failing, huh?"_

_She tilted her head to the side and looked up at him through her eyebrows. Did she not even realize how gorgeous she was? Before she could speak he dropped a quick kiss to her lips. "Want to just run back to the truck? At least we'll be able to dry off."_

_She nodded. He tightened his hand around hers and pulled her carefully out into the rain. He was tempted to wrap his arms around her and shield her from the rain, but she wouldn't let him do that. She would just shove him off and tell him she didn't need a knight in shining armor. She was too independent for her own good, but it was one of the things that he loved the best about her._

_He wasn't sure which one of them it was, but one of them slipped in a deep pile of mud. As they were falling to the ground Toby twisted so that he was the one to break the fall. He held back a groan as he hit the ground and managed to tighten his grip around Spencer so that he broke her fall. He laughed as her wet hair stuck to his face. He lifted a hand and tucked it behind her ear. He was going to make a comment about how she looked like a drowned rat, but before he could she leaned down and pressed a searing kiss to his lips._

_And right at that moment he swore that she had never been more beautiful. With the rain pouring down around them her brown eyes shone like rare and precious pieces of amber. He loved her. It didn't matter where he did this, and it didn't matter when. All that mattered was her. "Marry me, Spence?"_

_"Excuse me?" She pulled away, supporting her weight with her forearms. Her eyes were shocked, but not displeased._

_He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her up with him. It was still pouring, but it didn't matter. It was like the rest of the world ceased to exist. They were all that mattered. "Marry me, Spencer. You're my entire world. You're everything. You pulled me out of the darkness. You showed me that there was good in the world still. I'll love you forever, Spencer Hastings. Please marry me."_

_The tears that were running from both of their eyes mixed together with the pouring rain. He watched Spencer's face carefully, looking for any indication of her answer. But he didn't have to wait for long. She nodded with a growing smile on her face. "Yes. **Yes.**"_

It was a great memory. It was one of the best that he had. But right now it just hurt. She had to remember again. She just had too.


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's the next chapter! Running short on time! I haven't started the next chapter yet, but I'm pretty sure it'll be half from Toby's POV and half from Spencer's of their night with Hanna and Caleb.**

**Then the drama starts the chapter after that! Love yooou!**

**Let me know what you think! Next chapter will be up around 70 reviews!**

Chapter 7

TPOV

Every day she spent in the hospital was a day that his heart was broken further. Every test, every pained expression, every time she was confused about an integral piece of her past slowly ripped his heart into little pieces.

He had checked out of the hospital against medical advice after that first day. He hadn't wanted to even leave Spencer for that long, but it was a lot less time than it would have been had he agreed to go back to his room. Even the doctors had willfully admitted that they only wanted to keep him for pain control. But his pain was inconsequential. He had to be with Spencer. It was like they were magnets. His body rebelled if he stayed away from her for too long.

But now, after a long week, they were finally being released. She was coming home with him. There was every chance that it wouldn't go well. It was probably more likely to end in disaster than it was to end well, but he couldn't help but be excited. Thrilled might be a better word. If there was ever a chance that she might remember it would be at home.

She sat with her legs crossed at the end of the hospital bed, and she looked as beautiful as ever. It took months into their relationship before Spencer would let his see her without makeup or in comfortable clothing. And in the environment that she grew up in he supposed that it made sense. Perfectionism ran through her veins. But her efforts were for nothing, because he never found her more beautiful than he did when she had a clean face and was comfortable; preferably when she was in his clothing.

And right now was no exception. He had to fight to remember that she didn't remember their history. She didn't remember the nights she came home, threw off her suit, and stole his one clean pair of sweats. She didn't remember all of the times he carried her drunken, sloppy body to bed after a night out in college. She didn't remember him pushy her sweaty, messy hair out of her face when she was sick. She didn't remember, and it was breaking his heart. But that didn't change the fact that he was struggling to keep his hands to himself. He just wanted to run his fingers through her hair and kiss her softly. It was killing him not too. But she wasn't ready for that.

"Are you ready to go home?" Keeping it to simple questions was probably best. He would do his best to keep her calm. Unlike her parents, he didn't want to overwhelm her.

_He left for five minutes. Just five freaking minutes. That's all it took for her parents to do what they did best: destroy things._

_As soon as he got onto her floor he could tell something was wrong. It was like the atmosphere was different. His heart filled with dread as he dropped the coffees he was carrying and ran to her room. He ignored the nurse that he almost plowed over just before skidding to a stop and sliding into her room._

_His eyes quickly scanned the room, and his stomach twisted at the sight of Spencer curled up into a tight ball, clutching her throat as though she couldn't breath. "What the hell happened?" He demanded, his question directed at her parents. Why did he ever think that leaving her alone with them was a good idea?_

_He didn't wait for an answer. He strode forward and put a gentle hand on Spencer's shoulder. This wasn't the first time that she had had a panic attack, but it certainly seemed to effect her more intensely than usual. He knew how to help her, but he wasn't sure it would work as well when she didn't know him._

_But when his hand didn't cause her anxiety to increase he sat on the edge of the bed. Mrs. Hastings cleared her throat, interrupting is train of thought. "We were just trying to fill her in on the last couple years, and-"_

_"Oh really," he snapped, trying his best to keep his frustration out of his voice. He didn't want to scare Spencer. "Did you tell her want she **needs **to know, or did you just tell her what you thought would make her choose you?"_

_He didn't care about the answer. He only cared about Spencer. Without thinking too hard about it he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her into his lap. He pressed his lips to the top of her head. "I know you don't remember, sweetheart, but this has happened before. I don't want to scare you, but I'm going to try to help you in the way that helped before, alright?"_

_She didn't respond to him, but she didn't react negatively either. He gently pulled her up and cradled her against his chest. "It's alright Spence. You're safe. Everything's fine." His fingers ran through her hair in a slow and steady motion. "Just breath, alright? Breath. You're fine. Everything is fine. I won't let them hurt you, okay? You're safe here with me."_

_He barely knew what he was saying, but it apparently worked. She blinked a few times before looking up at him. He could see the embarrassment coloring her face so he gently lowered her back down onto the pillows. "You're alright, Spencer?"_

_She nodded slowly. "Thank you."_

_"It was nothing," he replied. And he was telling the truth, because helping her was probably as beneficial to him as it was to her._

"I think so," she smiled nervously. "I'm ready to get out of here, but I'm a bit nervous."

"I get that." He wasn't going to tell her not to be nervous, because if he were in her shoes he was sure that he'd be shitting his pants. Not remembering key components of your life? Terrifying. "But I'll make sure everything's fine, alright?"

She nodded thoughtfully as she pulled on her shoes. "I believe you, Toby."

Spencer could honestly have no idea how much those words meant to him; how much hope her trust gave him. The more time that he spent with her the more sure he was this _his _Spencer was still in there. The Spencer that hogged the covers, but he never really minded because he would rather she be warm anyway. The Spencer that never complained about his lack of cooking ability, and that ate his charred grilled cheeses anyway. The Spencer that knew all of his secrets and never judged him. That Spencer was still inside of her, and he would do whatever it took to get her back. Whatever she needed she would have.

It took no time at all to get her checked out from the hospital and loaded up into his truck. "Did you know that you bought me this truck?" He asked her, knowing that the answer was no. But he thought that it might be a good place to start.

"I did?" She seemed surprised, but not displeased. "That sounds like something I would do."

He nodded with a smile. "We were fighting. But it was the kind of fights we always had; about each other's well-being."

_"What happened?" She asked him, shock being the primary emotion in her voice. She ran her fingers over the bloody mark on his forehead._

_He pulled her hand away and laced their fingers together. "Bill smacked me in the face with a 2" x 4' on accident." He found it kind of amusing, but she certainly didn't._

_"Toby," she breathed, all the worry in the world evident on her face. "Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?"_

_He supposed that he would be just as worried if she was the one hurt, but she was overreacting. "I'm fine, sweetheart. I'm perfectly fine."_

_"Why do you do this to yourself?" She asked him in frustration. She lifted their intertwined fingers and pressed a soft kiss to his wrist._

_This wasn't the first time they had had this fight, so he knew exactly what she was talking about; he had to will himself not to get angry with her. He had already explained this. "I don't have a choice, Spencer. I don't have a truck, so this odd jobs around town are all I can take. And it pays better than working at McDonalds would. I don't have parents that will pay my tuition." He knew that her frustration came from a place of caring, but it was still mildly annoying. He wished she understood that not everyone was as well off as her._

_He paused and pulled out his phone to the craigslist page he had bookmarked. "I found this truck, and I love it. I almost have enough saved, but I doubt that it will still be available by the time I save up the last $500."_

_She took his phone out and examined the tan truck on the page. She was typing something, but he barely noticed. He studied her face, trying to anticipate her reaction so he could work to diffuse the tension. He never wanted to fight with Spencer. She kept his phone for another moment before sliding it back to him. "I just want you to be safe," she said softly._

_"Hey," he murmured. "Come here." He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her against his chest. "I've been doing this for a long time, and I know how to be careful. This was really just a one time thing."_

_No more words were spoken, but he could tell that she heard him by the way she leaned closer to him._

* * *

_It had been just about the longest day of his life. He had to take two tests this morning before driving to the Smith house to work an 8 hour shift. His only saving grace was that Spencer had agreed to pick him up at the end of the day. He probably would have walked to her apartment anyway, but at least this saved his aching feet._

_"Toby!"_

_He turned around, not expecting her voice to come from behind him. "Hey," he said, kind of confused. "Are you alright?"_

_She looked weird, kind of giddy. The only thing that kept him from worrying about her odd behavior was the fact that she looked excited. "You always go to the worried place," she laughed. "I'm fine! I'm actually perfect." She grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. "Come on, I have something to show you."_

_He was confused but compliant. The fact that Spencer was the only person in the world that he would blindly trust like this wasn't lost on him. He had been hurt by too many people to naively trust people. "What-" he began, but he stopped talking when he saw what she was obviously wanting to show him._

_The tan truck of his dreams sat parked along the curb. "Spence," he whispered, completely shocked. Who was this girl? "Spencer?" He repeated. All other words were apparently lost to him at the moment. What did she do?_

_"Now, don't think I did this because I want you to take a different job," she began nervously. "I mean, I totally do, but I would have done this anyway. You deserve the best, Toby. Nothing but the best. The family that you were born into isn't your fault. I- I have a ridiculously large trust fund, and I have nothing to spend it on. You work so hard for your money... just let me do this for you."_

_"Spencer..." he said again. He must really be impressing her with the power of his brain. "God, Spencer I love you so much."_

_His smile faltered at his unconscious declaration. He had been certain that he loved her for awhile now, but he had never spoken the words, lest he scare her away. But this? How could he not tell her after this? "I love you," he repeated, this time consciously saying it. "I- God, I never thought I'd find someone to say that too after everything, but I love you. **I love you."**_

_She just looked at him for a long moment before breaking out into a large grin and leaning up to press a passionate kiss to his unsuspecting lips. "I wanted to say that first," she laughed. She leaned in to brush a softer kiss against his cheek. "I love you too."_

"It- I wish I remembered that, Toby," she said softly. "I wish I remembered it all." She turned her face away, but not before he saw the embarrassed blush on her cheeks. "I can't believe I'm even saying this, because it's so embarrassing, but you're exactly the kind of guy I always thought I'd end up with. Even when I was with Alex I'd wish he was more like you are. And... I don't even know where I'm going with this."

He pulled into his designated parking space in front of the apartment and took her hand. She stiffened slightly, but it only took a moment for her to relax. He stroked out a soft circle on the back of her hand. "I'll be there with you every single step of the way, Spencer. I love you more than anything, sweetheart. It's not a hardship to help you remember. At the risk of sounding cheesy, it's an honor. There's no where else I'd rather be."

It was his turn to blush as Spencer pressed a careful kiss to his cheek before climbing out of the truck. He followed behind her silently, trying to think of the best place to start.

SPOV

As she walked into their apartment she was struck by a sudden sense of familiarity. It wasn't that she recognized the space, but she did recognize certain elements. The painting she incessantly worked on hung above their couch, the red chaise from her childhood bedroom sat in the corner, a picture of her and her childhood best friend Emily sat on the bookshelf.

But the familiarity went deeper than that. She didn't recognize Toby, but she could see exactly why she fell for him. He was so kind, so gentle... he was patient with her. But more than any of that, she could truly feel his love and adoration for her. She was certain that anyone who wasn't blind could see it.

"Spence?"

She looked up from her examination of the apartment to meet Toby's face. It was the perfect combination of concerned and amused. A soft smile played at his lips, but his eyes were as vigilant as they always had been; for at least as long as she remembered. When he saw that she was looking at him his smile grew a bit. "Hanna and Caleb are going to come over for dinner, if that's alright with you? They said they'd pick something up. I tried to refuse, but Hanna insisted that you needed some best friend time?"

"That's fine," she said softly, her eyes catching sight of a wall of pictures behind Toby.

He followed her gaze. "I think the best thing is to let you explore on your own for a little bit. I'm going to go get a shower, and when I'm done you can ask me any questions that you come up with, okay?"

She nodded and stepped forward to examine the pictures. She heard Toby leave, but she couldn't look away. It was like watching a video of yourself the morning after being blacked out drunk (not that she had a lot of experience in that). She remembered nothing, yet they were all clearly of her. There was a picture of her and Hanna in bikinis holding coconuts with straws in them. It looked like a good time. In one picture she was riding on Toby's back seriously pointing off into the distance while he laughed. There were pictures of her and Caleb, Toby and Caleb, her and Hanna... she looked so happy in all of them.

Why couldn't she remember? Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she sank into the couch. She hid her face in her hands and tried to calm down, not wanting to worry Toby. But she was worrying herself. What if her memories never came back?


	8. Chapter 8

**Drama starts next chapter! It'll be up around 83 reviews! All the love in the world!**

**The second memory is based on something that happened in the closest big town to me last week and I was like SO SPOBY. I'm using that. So here's to you, Spoby-like couple.**

Chapter 8

SPOV

The water flowing through the pipes served a dual purpose, really. It was almost comforting. The noise was reminiscent of the sound machine that lulled her to sleep throughout her childhood. Running water was her favorite setting. But it also served as a warning as to when Toby would be rejoining her. He was being so kind, so wonderful; she hardly wanted to worry him with what was sure to be a look of sheer devastation for what she lost.

Because that's what it felt like: a loss. She might get her memories back, but there was every chance that they were lost to her forever. The happy girl in the pictures was dead, or at least down for a very long nap. She wished with every single part of her that she could remember her life with Toby. She wished that she could remember her relationship with Hanna... but she couldn't.

All she remembered was life as a Hastings. She remembered work before play. She remembered that they family came first over everything. She remembered never feeling good enough, never living up to their ideals. But apparently the girl in these pictures found a way to break free from that, and God, that's what she wished that she had more than anything.

Once in psychology class she read that the more pictures a household kept the happier they were. Judging by that fact alone, they were as happy as could be. She ran a soft finger over the many different frames, not even knowing where to start until her eyes latched onto a particular picture.

She picked up the heavy glass frame and stumbled backwards. Luckily, the plush, grey couch caught her fall, but she scarcely noticed her recent brush with renewed injury. She was too distracted by the picture in her hands. She wasn't quite sure why this was the picture that she was the most drawn too. It wasn't the picture that they looked the happiest in. She actually looked fairly sad. Her eyes were facing the camera, and they were tinged with a dull red, as though tears had just recently been eradicated. Her face was half buried in Toby's chest.

Toby wasn't even facing the camera in the picture. His back was all that you could see, but it was enough. The gentle, tender way his arms were wrapped around her body conveyed all of the love, comfort, and acceptance in the world. His strength was obvious, but so was his gentleness. The whole picture just screamed love and adoration.

Love radiated in Toby's eyes. She had never doubted that he loved her; not even for a second. It was impossible because it was evident in everything that he did. She felt his love when he vigilantly watched her for her entire stay in the hospital. She felt it in the way that he held her in the midst of her panic attack. She felt it in the way that he vehemently defended her from her parents. But for the first time, looking down at this picture, she saw physical proof of her love for Toby. Apparently she had loved him just as unconditionally as he loved her.

And now she wasn't just feeling sad for her loss, she was feeling terrible for Toby's. Because losing that kind of love, the kind of unconditional and irrevocable love that the two of them had quite obviously shared, must have been the most devastating feeling imaginable. But instead of wallowing in his grief he took every opportunity to make sure that she was okay. She ran her fingers over the faces of the loving couple in the picture.

She owed it to Toby to figure out if she could love him again, with or without her memories.

TPOV

His shower was actually much more refreshing than he had anticipated, he mused as he pulled a shirt over his head. It had originally started as a way to let Spencer explore alone, because he knew that was the way that she would prefer to do it. She would rather examine the contents of their apartment without his scrutiny. But once the warm water pounded against his muscles he knew that it was a much needed hiatus.

He shook out his hair and slowly made his way to the living room. His footsteps were heavier than usual, because he wanted to give Spencer every chance to mentally prepare herself for his impending return. But instead of finding her in a random nook or cranie he found her on the couch. All that he could see was her shoulders and the back of her head, but it was enough for him to tell that she was upset about something.

Taking only a second to debate whether she would want his comfort, he walked around the couch and squatted in front of her. "Are you alright, Spence?"

She didn't respond immediately. "What's this from?" She asked him softly as she passed a heavy picture into his ready hands.

He smiled at the picture and began the story in a soft and soothing voice.

_He pushed through the crowd, dodging freshmen of varying levels of intoxication. Curses and obscene gestures were being thrown at him, but he didn't care. He had to find her._

_Today was supposed to be a happy day. It was a supposed to be a happy day. The campus wide celebration to commemorate the conclusion of their sophomore year, and today also marked 21 months together for him and Spencer. But after listening to her voicemail he was feeling anything by joyful. The sound of Spencer's broken voice asking him to meet her at the end of the year celebration weighed heavily on his mind. Something was off._

_"Toby!"_

_It wasn't Spencer, but it was almost as good. "Hanna? Have you seen Spencer?"_

_"She left me a voicemail. She said something about meeting up with me later, but she sounded too upset for that. I wanted to check on her." Hanna shrugged and offered him a piece of the funnel cake that she had picked up somewhere. Literally any other time he would have taken it, but his stomach was too twisted in knots to even think about food._

_"I'm getting worried-" he began, but he trailed off as he felt a soft hand on his arm. He didn't have to turn around to know that it was Spencer. He would know her no matter what. He had every single part of her memorized._

_And once he turned around his breath was stolen by the sight of his girlfriend. Her eyes were tinged red, which broke his heart; but he was also struck with just how beautiful she looked. Her mahogany hair was straightened to perfection, and she was dressed in a simple white, lace tank top and cut off jean shorts. It was much more casual than her typical attire, which was probably why it caught him so off guard. "Spence-" he murmured._

_But before he could ask her anything she launched herself into his arms. He was barely able to stop himself from stumbling backward, but he managed to stay in place. "What happened, sweetheart?"_

_"M-my parents," she whispered into his neck. "It's stupid, I know. I shouldn't let them get to me, but... I just-"_

_"What did they do, Spence?" He was having a difficult time pushing down his anger. He made neutrality his policy when it came to the elder Hastings, but he could not fathom why they didn't see how incredible their daughter was._

_"What they always do," she mumbled. "I told them that I intended to declare an interior design major, and they basically called me lazy and a disappointment. I just wish they could be proud of me."  
_

_Nothing he could say or do would make this better. It was the most tragic thing in the world that the people that were supposed to love her the most only tolerated her when she was being the compliant, dutiful daughter that they had always hoped for. When she rebelled they made her feel nothing but terrible about herself. His parental backstory was a bit tragic as well, with his dead mother and his indifferent father. But he had no doubt that Spencer got the worse end of the deal, because at least while his mother was alive he was certain that she loved him. Spencer had never felt that._

_"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he murmured into her hair. "I'm so sorry. But I'm proud of you for following your heart. It was so brave."_

_"What if they hate me forever?"_

_He frowned, not sure how to answer that. "I don't think they hate you, Spencer. I think they love you a lot. They just don't know how to show it." He pulled her closer to him and rubbed a tender hand up and down her back. "Everything will be fine, alright? You'll never be alone, not even for a second. Because I'll never leave you. I don't care what happens, we'll face it together."_

_"I love you," she whispered with her face buried in his neck._

_He was about to return the sentiment, but he was momentarily distracted by a strange clicking from behind him. Spencer groaned, but she didn't pull away from him. "Hanna, delete that! I look like crap!"_

_"Oh no. That was the most adorable, disgusting piece of PDA I've ever seen, and it's going straight to Instagram." She danced backwards a few steps as she typed something out on her phone. "Bam! That's going to be one of those adorable couple memes in no time!"_

_He chuckles and adjusted his grip on Spencer so that they both could walk. "Can we go have some fun now?"_

"I think that was the first moment I knew I wanted to be with you forever," he said softly. "I knew I loved you long before that, but when I saw you so upset, when I saw what your parents did to you, I just knew that I wanted to be the one to comfort you. I wanted to be there for everything. I just- I can't really explain how much I love you." He kept his eyes on the ground, embarrassed by the emotions that were pooling up in them.

She didn't speak immediately. "Toby, what did my parents do?"

He knew exactly what she was asking, and he still didn't want to answer. 'I don't think- I think maybe you should ask them."

"They won't tell me anything that will make them look bad," she retorted. "Why won't you tell me?"

"B-because," his voice cracked, "I want you to pick me more than I've ever wanted anything, but I don't want you to pick me because you're so upset with them that it looks like the only choice for you."

"Toby-" her voice sounded pained, and he didn't like it.

Before she could elaborate a loud knocking came from the front door. "That'll be Hanna and Caleb. Are you still okay with them being here, or do you want me to tell them to go away?"

"No, they can stay," she said softly.

He nodded and walked to the front door, preparing to let their crazy best friends into the house. "Hanna's a little hyped up," he said loudly enough for her to hear through the door. "I can still make them go away if you want to save yourself!"

His smile grew as a ghost of a smile appeared on Spencer's face. And his smile turned into laughter when an offended huff from the other side of the door reached his ears. "Toby Cavanaugh, if you do not let us in I will karate chop this door down!"

"She's had like eight Red Bulls, man! I would take her seriously," Caleb laughed.

"Fine," he sighed, like it was a hardship to spend time with two of the best people in the world. He unlocked the door and pulled it open. "Where's the food?"

"Oh, I see why you invited us over," Hanna snorted. "Cheaper and easier than the delivery man. And you don't even have to tip us. I'm going to keep that in mind for next time!"

"You wound me, Hanna," he laughed and took the heavy bag of drinks from her. "So, when Spencer was looking around earlier the first picture she picked out was the one of us from the end of the year celebration, sophomore year. Do you remember?"

"Duh." She turned to Spencer with a smirk. "Did he tell you how he stole my funnel cake as soon as you two disentangled yourselves from each other. Rude!"

"He did not," Spencer laughed, sounding a bit more like herself. "Do you like funnel cake, Toby?"

"It's fried dough and powdered sugar. If you say you don't like funnel cake you're lying." Seriously now, there were appropriate things not to like: anchovies, meat loaf, tuna... but funnel cakes were not one of those things.

She nodded thoughtfully. "So what do the four of us do when we hang out?"

Was there ever going to be a time that this Spencer didn't break his heart. It was such a simple question, with so many horrible implications. There was scarcely a week that went by in the past six years that they hadn't hung out. It was that kind of friendship for the four of them; the kind of friendship that was more like family than anything else.

He could feel Hanna's eyes on his face. The blonde was funny and sarcastic, but a lot of people didn't realize just how intune she was to the emotions of others. He gave her a grateful smile as she answered for him. "Ridiculous things. We like to prank the boys," she said with a laugh. "I know that you don't remember this, but one time we had Toby convinced that you stabbed yourself cooking!"

"What?" She laughed. "We didn't!"

"It was definitely not funny." He bit down on his lip to stop his laughter. It was a little funny now, but if they thought he found it amusing he was 100 parts positive that Hanna would do something like it again. "I'm pretty sure you cut 10 years off of my life. You're lucky that I didn't have a heart attack right there."

Hanna rolled her eyes at him and nodded eagerly at Spencer. "I found this nasty gel stab wound thing at the costume shop I was working in at the time. I think we were Juniors. We got it on your hand right as he walked in. He looked like he was going to pee himself."

"I thought my girlfriend had a hole in her hand," he implored. "It was a little bit terrifying!"

"You're an overprotective idiot," Hanna teased him fondly.

"Hole. in. hand." He enunciated slowly. But this time his lips twitched. It was really, really, **really **not funny at the time, but it was hilarious the way that Hanna told it.

"What happened next?" Spencer asked with a small smile, still examining the pictures along the walls and on the shelves. He made a mental note to set aside a couple pieces of pizza for her.

"She thought it would be a good idea to try to trick me," Caleb chimed in from the pizza box. "But I've been the victim of a prank or two of hers. Guilty until proven innocent."

"One day I'm going to really accidentally stab myself and you'll feel guilty for not believing me," she huffed.

He laughed at Hanna's dejected face, but was distracted by Spencer's soft hand on his arm. It had been so long since she had initiated any kind of physical contact that it took him off guard. He hadn't realized how much he missed it. He hadn't realized how much he missed _her._

He barely managed to suppress a shiver as he looked down at her questioningly. "What's up?"

"What's this from?" She asked him softly, holding on the picture so that he could see it.

He took the frame from her and chuckled at the sight of him and Spencer in a hospital bed. What really made the picture was her face. It was hard to believe that one face could reflect so many emotions. "This is the only memory I'm glad you don't have anymore. Now maybe you'll stop yelling at me for it!" he laughed. "I mean, it sucked at the time, but better me than you."

_He smiled at the impatient tapping of her food. Spencer had ten good qualities for every bad quality that she had, and one of those less than stellar qualities was that she was about the most impatient person on the planet. He found it endearing, and he was absolutely positive that he was the only person who thought like that. He bent down and brushed his lips over her forehead in a light kiss. "You can wait outside if you want," he chuckled._

_Her eyes lit up with an absurd amount of hope to the extent that he had to bite down further laughter. She really hated lines. "Really?"_

_He rolled his eyes and kissed her again. "Go," he murmured. "Just wait by the benches, alright? It's snowing like hell out there, and I don't need you catching pneumonia on me."_

_She grinned and initiated a final kiss before sliding out of her spot in line and through the big double doors. She was so beautiful. The way her loose brown curls skimmed the middle of her back, the way her eyes lit up when she was happy, the way her laughter warmed him to his core. He loved her more than he ever thought was possible._

_"Sir? That'll be $22.50."_

_He started at the sound of the hostess's voice, having not noticed that the line had continued to move forward. He fished two twenties out of his pocket, and offered the girl a friendly smile as she handed him his change. "Thank you."_

_Her standard have a nice day was met by deaf ears. Of course he would have a nice day. Finally, for the first time in his life, he was excited about what was to come. He looked forward to every day, and he owed that all to Spencer. The fiery brunette came into his life and systematically began to change everything. The loss of his mom... the Jenna Thing... it all still hurt, but the sting was lessened._

_He glanced at the benches he had told Spencer to wait at and rolled his eyes when he saw that she wasn't there. He should have expected it though, she never liked being told what to do. Her previous claims of being a post-modern feminist rang through his head. Damn it, Spencer._

_"You know, you look really cute when you get mad," a soft voice giggled from behind him._

_He turned and couldn't stop himself from smiling when he looked at her. Everything about Spencer just made him feel lighter, happier. What would he do without her? "And you are obviously plotting to get sick so I'm forced to feed you soup and play with your hair," he teased._

_"Hmm, that does sound nice," she laughed._

_"Come on," he tucked her under his arm and directed her toward the parking lot. "Let's get you back to the truck and warmth."_

_She didn't protest his guidance, and they walked together in moderate peace, besides the hard snow flakes smacking them in the face, until Spencer suddenly stopped. It was unexpected, and he was probably five steps a head of her before he realized she was no longer pressed against him. "Spence?"_

_"My shoe's stuck." She made a face at him before yanking on the shiny, black heel. "Stupid sewer grates."_

_He laughed and took a step forward, intending upon pulling her out; but his tactics changed drastically when a horn blared a few feet behind them. He could literally feel his heart stop as he took in the out of control car headed straight for them. They always got snow in Pennsylvania, but it was rarely so much in the city. People weren't used to driving in it._

_There wasn't time to think through a plan. There wasn't time to do anything other than act, because there was no way in the world he was going to let Spencer get hurt. She would always be safe while he was there. So without thinking he rushed forward, slid her foot out of her shoe, and shoved her hard out of the way just before a blinding pain shot through his right side._

* * *

_His eyes shot open and he looked up at the ceiling. The bright lights hurt his eyes, but nothing came close to rivaling the pain in his shoulder; except for perhaps the pain in his heart. Because he remembered everything. The car, the confusion, the fear... but he couldn't remember anything after pushing Spencer away. Was she okay?_

_He could hear shuffling around him, but he couldn't keep his eyes open long enough to see who it was. He couldn't make his lips work to ask about Spencer. She had to be okay._

_"Someone turn the lights down," an annoyed voice snapped from next to him. "They're hurting his eyes."_

_Caleb? He would know about Spencer. He blinked his eyes open again, and this time he forced them to stay open despite the blinding light. "C-caleb?"_

_The annoyance was long gone as his best friend spoke to him. "You're an idiot, man." He laughed and lightly punched him in the arm. "Such an idiot."_

_"S-spe-" he began, but his question was lost as he saw his dad and step mother. Who the hell had called them?_

_"Toby-" his dad began, but at the sound of his voice Toby was torn from his stupor. _

_He looked away from the older Cavanaugh and turned back to Caleb. "S-spencer? Is she okay?"_

_Caleb glanced over his shoulder as a softer, more feminine voice spoke from behind him. A voice that he would know anywhere. "I'm fine."_

_His neck popped as he strained to see her, but it was a wasted effort. She walked toward him with only a quick side glance at his parents. There was a story there. He would have to get that later. She put a hand to his cheek. He could feel her fingers trembling, so he lifted his own hand and put it on top of hers. "Are you sure you're alright?"_

_"Well, I don't know whether to kiss you or nut punch you, if I'm being honest. Why did you do that, you idiot?"_

_"Why did I push you out of the way?" He asked her slowly, not quite sure if she was really asking him such a stupid question._

_"You were perfectly safe and out of the way where you were standing, and now you're-" She broke off, choking back a sob as a single tear ran down her cheek._

_He reached up with his free hand and tenderly brushed the tear away before grabbing her other hand and pressing it against his chest. "Do you feel that? It's all for you, Spence. I have nothing without you. This?" He gestured to his broken arm. "This is nothing compared to a life without you. This is nothing compared to seeing **you **here."_

_"Such an idiot," she muttered and leaned down to press her forehead against his. "But thank you."_

_"Toby-" his dad began again. Spencer moved to get out of the way, but he lightly grabbed her wrist to stop her. He would make the same decision every time, but he was hurting a little more than he was letting on. But when Spencer was there it didn't seem so bad. She just looked down at him for a second before nodding and lightly sitting on the edge of the bed._

_"Toby, I think you should come home with us for awhile." His dad finally got out the words that he had been trying to speak since he had woken up._

_Toby snorted and shook his head. "So that you can make me feel bad about myself and take care of Jenna? I appreciate you coming here, dad. I really do, but that's not my life anymore. I have friends here that will help me until I get better."_

_His dad looked like he was going to say more, but he thought better of it. Toby glanced up at Spencer and then over at Caleb, gauging their reactions to what he just said. He didn't want to speak for them. "I'm not a very good caretaker," he laughed. "But Hanna's all pumped. That's where she is now," he explained. "I'm pretty sure that she's buying out Target."_

_Spencer's fingers began to trace a soft pattern out on his forearm, and he hummed in contentment. She smiled and lifted their intertwined hands to her lips. "You couldn't get rid of me if you tried," she whispered. "I just- I don't- I love you."_

_"I love you too, Spence."_

_"Oh shit," Caleb interrupted. "That reminds me. I'm supposed to send Hanna a picture so she can judge your level of need or something stupid like that."_

_They were so affectionate with each other. But also super adorable. Toby shrugged, not seeing a way out of it. Hanna would find a way to get what she wanted. Spencer moved to get out of the picture, and before Toby could protest Caleb interjected. "Nope, you too Spence. Hanna says you need some loving too."_

_And before she could protest Caleb snapped the picture, forever capturing the moment._

"Y-you got hit by a car? F-for me?" Spencer asked him, completely shocked.

"Hey," Toby murmured. "Of course I did. And I would again without hesitation. I know you don't remember baby, I know you don't. But-" he took a chance and reached out to touch her face. "I just- I owe you everything. I have some demons in my past, things that seemed insurmountable at the time... but you never let me wallow. You never let the depression consume me. You slowly and systematically reminded me of my worth. I just don't know how to describe to you how much I love you. I can't put it to words. But what I can put to words is that you saved my life. You did so much more for me than taking a little hit from a car."

"How is it that you two are still so disgusting even when Spencer doesn't remember?" Hanna asked with a fake gag.

He smiled at Hanna before looking back down at Spencer. Maybe- maybe it would be okay. He took in the wonder on her face, and for the first time in awhile he started to feel hope.


	9. Chapter 9

**Welp, I'm not going to tell you guys when I love a chapter anymore, because you never review it :P. I got the least reviews last chapter than I've gotten in a long time, which is why this chapter is so slow! Whoops!**

**This chapter made me sad, whoops! Enjoy, alright? And let me know what you think! The next chapter will be up around 95 reviews**

Chapter 9

TPOV

A week into his new world and he still didn't know how it was going. One minute Spencer would be looking at him like she used to, with love dripping from her hooded eyes. And other times she would do something so utterly foreign to herself that he wondered if she would ever remember; if she would ever come back to him.

And in this moment she was being so infuriatingly like herself that he wanted to both scream and kiss her at the same time. "Spence, I can't."

"You can't stay home with me forever, Toby. Just go back to work. I'll be fine." She gave him a reassuring smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Was this what she really wanted, or was she just being unfathomably stubborn and inconceivably brave? Would she be okay, or was she just trying to be strong for him?

"Spence..." he didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know how he could tell her that leaving her behind would be like leaving half of himself. He had to know that she was safe, and going across town seemed like the worst possible way to do that.

"Toby, you've done such a good job of taking care of me," she said, a slightly awkward tone about her voice. She had never been the best at letting people know how she felt. She had been better with him, but as he had to continuously remind himself, she didn't really know him. She looked like she was going to reach for him, but instead she ran a hand through her hair. "But I'm feeling physically better now. Maybe I'll try working with Hanna again soon. The doctor did say that it would be beneficial to go back to my normal routine. Is this what we normally did?"

"No, but-"

"Nope," she smirked, his denial enough for her. "No excuses. Go to work. I'll even pack you a lunch."

"You don't have to do that," he sighed and walked to the bedroom to change into his work clothes. She wasn't going to give in, so maybe he could just go in for a half day. It might make her feel better. He pulled on her favorite light blue shirt and buttoned it up with shaky fingers as he thought about the last time he was so reluctant to leave her.

_He walked into the living room and frowned at the sight of his wife curled up on the couch. The blanket was down around her feet, because as she always did, she kicked it off in her sleep. Her brown hair was in her face, hiding her level of distress from his vigilant eyes. Oh Spence._

_He stooped down to reposition the thick comforter over her shoulders and brushed her hair out of her face. He hated to wake her up, but he needed to be sure that she was alright. His lips brushed gently against her forehead. "Spence?"_

_And because Spencer was the lightest sleeper in the history of sleepers she immediately blinked her eyes open. "Mmm?"_

_"Are you alright? Do you want me to stay, sweetheart?" He leaned forward and rested his forehead against her own. He would unreservedly do whatever she asked him to do._

_"What? No!" She struggled to sit up, so he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and carefully lifted her to a sitting position. She put her hand on his face and gently stroked his cheekbone with her thumb. "You have to give your presentation on that building design today, right?"_

_"You're more important," he said truthfully. This presentation had the potential to change his entire career, but he didn't know how well he'd do if he was focused on worrying about Spencer all day._

_"I'm fine, Toby," she smiled softly at him and leaned over to kiss him. "I just don't feel well. Hanna said she'd stop by after our morning meeting to take me to the doctor, so everything is fine."_

_He looked at her doubtfully. "But-"_

_"Okay, let me put it this way. If you don't go to work I'm going to check into a hotel and ignore you for the next three days."_

_He couldn't stop the laughter from escaping his lips. She was such a dork, but that's why he loved her so much. "Okay, fine. But swear to me that-"_

_"I'll call you if I need you, Cavanaugh. Now get out of here," she laughed softly and sank back into her nest of pillows. "I love you."_

_"I love you too," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of her nose. _

There wasn't anything he wouldn't do to see that measure of love and acceptance in her eyes again. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do to hear those words spill from her lips.

SPOV

She watched the door swing shut behind Toby as he left their apartment for the first time in a week. Everything was just so confusing, so hazy. She appreciated Toby's devotion more than she could say, but sometimes it weighed upon he like a heavy fog. He loved her so much, and she just didn't remember feeling the same way. It was just too much sometimes. She needed a breather just as badly as he did.

As soon as she was sure that he was gone she pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed the only number that was still in her memory. She couldn't do this in front of Toby, but it had to be done. He wouldn't give her the answers she needed on this subject, but she still needed them. She would have to get them on her own.

_"Hello?"_

"Hey mom, it's Spencer." The words tasted sour in her mouth. She didn't know what the older Hastings woman had done, but judging by the reactions of everyone else in her life, it was pretty terrible.

_"Oh hello, dear! How are you?"_

"I'm fine," she said softly. "I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch together? Toby went back to work today, so I thought it might be a nice way to spend the afternoon."

_"Of course! I'll be there to pick you up in a half hour, sweetheart! We'll go to your favorite."_

As per usual, her mother simply hung up the phone without offering up any sentiments of love or goodbye. Spencer sighed and dressed quickly before making her way downstairs to wait for her mother. Everything was different now. Her clothes were different, her haircut was different, the makeup she found in the nightstand was different, and she could safely assume that her mother had no idea what her favorite restaurant was.

In what was significantly shorter than a half an hour, her mother pulled up in front of the steps in an ostentatious red convertible. It was good to see that some things hadn't changed as much as she apparently had. Her mother still liked things that screamed how wealthy she was, and apparently Spencer still found that habit to be disgusting. What was the point in inspiring jealousy in people? They couldn't help the family they were born into, and they were probably very nice people. She slid into the passenger seat and buckled her seat belt. "So what's my favorite restaurant now?"

"Well-" she hesitated and pulled out onto the busy road. "I haven't seen you in awhile, if I'm being honest. But last time I check you really loved this little Greek cafe over by the campus. Does that sound alright?"

She could use a big, greasy gyro. "Yeah that's fine."

The drive to the restaurant was spent in a semi-awkward silence; the kind of silence that you shouldn't have to experience with your mom. Spencer hadn't really expected anything different though. It was how their relationship had always been, and Toby and Hanna had made it clear that she was fighting with her parents.

No words were spoken until the two of them had sat down at their outside table and placed their orders; a Greek Salad for her mother and a big ass gyro for Spencer. Spencer grabbed a sugar packet from the center of the table and started playing with it. She considered making small talk, but what was the point? She came for the simple purpose of getting answers from her mother. "Mom, tell me what Toby won't tell me."

"What are you talking about, dear," she sighed. Her face darkened considerably at the mention of Toby. She literally had no idea what her mom had against her husband, because while she didn't know him as intimately as you should know your husband, she certainly couldn't ever imagine him hurting somebody, especially her.

"I'm talking about what he _won't _tell me, but what you **should **tell me. Why were we fighting?" Her mother was the most intelligent person that she knew. She had no business playing stupid.

She hesitated before responding, her face colored with guilt. "Because I didn't think that Toby was good for you."

"Why would you possibly think that? I've only known him for a week, but I can't really imagine anyone better." If she was just making something up to take the heat off of herself she was going to scream.

"He hasn't told you, has he?" There was a look on her mother's face that was half smirk half concern. "He hasn't told you about his past?"

"He's-" she paused, wanting to defend Toby but finding that she couldn't. They really _hadn't _discussed his past much. "We've been a bit focused on me."

"You think he's trying to help you, but he's really taking advantage, Spencer. When he was in high school he spent a year and a half in reform school."

"What are you talking about? No he didn't," she denied. There was no way that Toby did something so significantly bad that it caused him to spend a year in juvie. There was no way. He was too good.

"He did, Spencer. Your dad hired a private investigator to figure look into Toby's background when he realized that you weren't going to change your mind about the boy. I can get you the proof if you want." She shrugged and stirred her tea.

"What is it you claim that he did?" She asked, stiffly.

Mrs. Hastings didn't hesitate before answering. "He burnt down his family's garage while his step sister was inside."

"Bull shit. No he didn't." That didn't work. It didn't mesh with Toby that had so carefully taken care of her. She couldn't reconcile the man her mother was describing with the person who patiently explained every question she had and story that she requested. The Toby that looked at her with such all-consuming love in his eyes wasn't the kind of person that would ever consider hurting someone, let alone in such a harsh manner.

"Okay, Spencer. Let's go ask him, then." She signaled the waiter and asked for him to package up their food to go.

Spencer sat in a stony silence as she waited for the food. She didn't speak a word as they drove back to her apartment. She spotted Toby's truck a few spots ahead of the space that her mother pulled into. She should have known that he wouldn't stay gone all day, the idiot. But she immediately pushed down any affectionate thoughts that she had for the blue eyed boy. She needed to confront him about what he mother said first. "I'll be back. You wait here," she muttered and got out of the car before she had a chance to protest.

Her legs felt like they were made out of lead as made her way up the seemingly unending stairs. She didn't know if she wanted the answers to the questions that she was about to ask. She slid the key that Toby had given her into the lock and pulled the door open. The first thing she saw was Toby's worried eyes snapping up to meet her face. "Hey, where'd you-" he paused. "Are you okay?"

He reached out for her, but she dodged his touch. Part of her wanted to feel his fingers brush against her arm, but the larger more logical part of her mind knew that she needed to get answers to her questions. "No, don't touch me," a small spasm of guilt twisted through her stomach at the pain on his face.

He took a step back and dropped his hand. "What's going on, Spence?"

"Did you do it? Did you try to kill your step sister?" She meant to ease into the question, but it all blurted out like the worst case of word vomit.

The mixture of guilt and pain on all over his face was all that she needed to see. "How could you lead me to believe that you were a decent person? Did I ever know about it or were you always hiding this from me?"

She didn't even want the answers. She dodged past him and into the bedroom, pulling her suitcase out from under the bed. She couldn't stay here for another minute.

"Wait, Spencer. Please, **_please_**let me explain." He grabbed her arm and turned her around to face him.

Her resolve was almost undone by the tears spilling over from his eyes, but she managed to keep ahold of her rage. "No! Let me go." She twisted in his arms, trying to get him to let her go. "I don't understand how you expect me to ever trust you again."

Toby changed strategies and wrapped both arms around her waist, pulling her to him. There was no way that she was going anywhere unless he let go of her. She put both hands on his chest to try to get the leverage to get him off. "Toby," she whispered, her voice breaking at the end.

"How are you supposed to trust me?" She could tell just by his voice that he was crying. "You trust me because you know me better than any single person on the planet. I've never hidden anything from you, Spence. Before all of this happened you knew every dark and dirty detail about my life, and trust me when I tell you that there's more to the story. I have- I have some demons, but they were all known to you."

"Toby," she repeated, her voice cracking. "Just-"

He shook his head again, tightening his grip on her. "I'll let you go if you want me to, but please, _**please**_let me tell you the whole story first. I owe you that much."

She closed her eyes, looking inside herself, trying to figure how what she should do. What was the right thing? Should she listen, or should she go to her mother?


	10. Chapter 10

**If you didn't leave me a rude anon review, feel free to skip this. Rude anon reviewer, because I'm not going to work hours and hours on something that no one's reading. I've NEVER actually held something back because I haven't gotten reviews, but I guess maybe I've written that particular chapter slower. It's hard to motivate yourself when you don't know if people like it or not. And you know, that's also actually a horrible argument/observation or whatever. Because it's just not true. I've read many a story where the author just stops writing because they weren't getting enough reviews. It's considered generalization, and it's a horrible way to try to make a point and a logical fallacy. And also, it's a huge, bullshit cop out to say "sorry if this hurts your feelings." Because you obviously think it's going to hurt that person's feelings when you're saying that. And I don't know if you've ever seen Bambi, but you probably shouldn't say anything if you don't have anything nice to say. But FYI, it takes a lot more than that to hurt my feelings. Piss me off, maybe. But hurt my feelings, no. But feel free to not read my stuff anymore, because your negativity isn't all that appealing. But you know, next time feel free to shoot me a PM and we can actually talk about it so I don't feel like an asshole calling you out in my story. But alas, this is my only option since you left me no other way to respond, and I'm going to respond. "I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings, but it needed to be said. Have a nice day." **

**OKAY! Happier stuff, YOU GUYS ARE SO GREAT. Besides rude anon! Love you all :). And I'm glad you're liking this story. And I'm also glad you liked how I incorporated the Jenna thing, because I literally stressed for days about how I was going to have them fight. Ask caitycaites haha! But I think it works well. Spencer's kind enough that this would really bother her, and Toby would be upset that she's upset and that she has the wrong idea!**

**Oh, and I forget who it was that said they were hoping that Spencer didn't go with her parents, but I have a grand plan. Trust that I know where I'm going with this :). **

**Okay, I'm going to go now because this author's note is already massive and kind of on the aggressive side of passive aggressive LOL! Okay so on with it? Yeah?**

Chapter 10

TPOV

He didn't care how she found out. Hell, he didn't even care that she knew. He had nothing to hide from her, and he would have told her had he found it significant. But it was a piece of his life that he tried his hardest to leave behind him. He didn't like to think about it.

What he cared about was the way that she was looking at him; like she was disgusted, like she hated him. Over the past week he had to consider the possibility that she wouldn't get her memories back. Could he live in a world without her? Could he settle for being just her friend? He didn't think that there was anything in the world that could stop him from loving her, but he would be whatever she needed. And if that was a friend than so be it, it was better than not having her in his life at all. But this? This outright disgust? This he couldn't live with. He had to make her understand.

"**Please**," he whispered, not liking how his voice broke at the end. He was supposed to be the strong one, but the emotions churning around in his stomach were almost too much to bear. "It's not what you think."

"Fine," she said, her voice dripping with the exhaustion that he felt deep in his bones. This was all just too much for anyone who was involved. She wanted to remember; he wanted her to remember. But as much as they hoped it just wasn't happening, and it was exhausting. "But my mom's outside," she continued. "So I don't have a lot of time."

Of course Mrs. Hastings was behind this. The woman had never liked him, and she did whatever it took to break the two of them up. He sighed and shut his eyes as he remembered the last time she dared try. But he supposed that now that Spencer had lost her memories she'd give it another shot.

_"Spencer, darling, we need to talk."_

_He blushed, kind of embarrassed that her mother caught them in the middle of a heated make out session, but Spencer just laughed and gently pushed him off. "What's up mom? Nice sweater," she laughed. "Office party?"_

_Veronica Hastings tugged on the ugly Christmas sweater with an indulgent smile. Apparently the Hastings' law firm went all out for the holidays. "Something like that. Can we speak alone, dear?"_

_Spencer glanced at Toby with a frown before sighing loudly. "Well, that depends. If this going to be you taking another opportunity to talk shit about my boyfriend then you can forget it."_

_Toby had to bite back a laugh at the affronted look on Mrs. Hastings' face. But mostly he was just really touched by Spencer's staunch defense of his honor. She knew everything about him, and she still chose him. He had never been defended so vehemently before, never had someone so steadfastly on his side. And it meant so much more than he could ever say. But he also didn't want her to ruin her relationship with her mother for his sake. "I can just wait in the living room, Spence..."_

_She grabbed a hold of his wrist before he could go and shot him a look that told him that if he moved that she would probably kill him. Now he was the one biting back a smile. It was weird, but he liked getting her riled up. She was adorable when she was angry. But not this kind of angry. This anger stemmed from a place of hurt, and he hated seeing her in that kind of pain._

_"Have it your way. You know that your father and I don't approve of this relationship, and honestly, how much do you even know-"  
_

_"No," Spencer interrupted, vaulting to her feet and walking to the door to grab their bag that they had yet to take upstairs. "No, I'm done with this shit. I'm so done. When will you understand that **I love him. **I don't care where he came from, and I don't care for your approval. I just care about **him. **And **you **need to understand that I will choose him every single time because he's the one who's not making me choose."_

_"Where are you going, Spencer?" Her mom sighed in exasperation, like she had spent far too long dealing with her daughters antics. It was possibly the most infuriating piece of all of this, as far as he was concerned. Spencer was loving, kind, and beautiful. She deserved parents who saw that best parts of her._

_"I'm going to spend Christmas with people who actually care about me as a person and not just what my choices do for their precious reputation."_

_As soon as she was out the door Toby jumped up with a start and ran after her, not surprised in the least at Mrs. Hastings' lack of a reaction. Why should she start caring now? "Spencer, wait!"_

_She slowed down marginally, but she didn't stop. He caught up to her easily and slid the heavy duffle bag off of her shoulder and onto his own. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"_

_"Fine," she said softly, not even sounding a little okay._

_He grabbed her arm and pulled her to the side of his truck that would shield them from any prying eyes of the house's occupants. He dropped the bag and carefully framed her face with his hands. "Spence..." he murmured, gently tilting her chin upward so that she was looking at him. "Spencer, they're your parents. I understand if you want-"_

_She cut him off by leaning up and pressing a searing kiss to his lips. She caught him off guard, but it only took him a moment to respond in earnest. Who was this girl? Not for the first time he was struck by just how passionate and loyal she was. He had never experienced someone like her before. He had never felt so loved and protected. Spencer Hastings was it for him, he was absolutely sure of it._

_Instead of pulling away she moved closer, pressing her forehead against his and lacing the fingers of both of their hands together. "I love you more than I can even describe, Toby."_

_"Love you too, Spence." And he did. So much._

"Toby?" He looked at her and smiled at the familiarity of her facial expression. She was the only person he had ever met who had mastered looking both annoyed and concerned at the same time. She thought she was so sneaky, but she was never able to hide what she was feeling from him.

"Sorry," he said softly. He didn't want to talk too loudly and frighten her, because he was sure that after the way her mother had spun it, she was as close as she ever had been to being afraid of him. "I just- I don't know where to start."

"Start from the beginning. You said I already knew this? Tell me about how you told me the first time. It might make it a little easier for the both of us, because I don't want to believe that you could have done something like this, Toby. I really don't."

"I- it's not what it seems. There's so much more to the story. But I _didn't do it._" He took in the hope and doubt on her face before continuing. "I didn't do it, but I **was **there, and I **did **go to reform school for it."**  
**

"You're just confusing me. Tell me what happened, Toby." This time she wasn't asking. She was telling him. That was one thing that he always admired about Spencer. When she wanted something she figured out a way to get it. She unapologetically demanded what she needed. What had happened to him would never happen to her, and for that fact he was eternally grateful.

"O-okay." He didn't want to talk about this, or even think about it. But for Spencer he would do anything; even dredge up the worst thing that had ever happened to him before this. "But it's not a happy story, and I hope that it doesn't make you think any less of me." He studied her irresolute face for a moment before taking a deep breath and beginning the story.

_"Wait, what kind did you get?" She laughed and quickly jabbed her spoon in his bowl of frozen yogurt._

_He didn't mind sharing with her, but he was feeling rather playful today. He laughed and snatched her spoon. "I don't need to invade your bowl to find out your flavor. You have some on the side of your mouth." But before she could wipe it away he leaned in and kissed it off. "Banana? Really, Spence?"_

_She grabbed her spoon back out of his hands and licked the dripping ice cream off. "Vanilla? Come on, you have to be more creative than that, Toby!"_

_"I'm a traditional kind of guy," he argued._

_"Toby!"_

_Any lighthearted thoughts or feelings quickly evaporated at the sound of the grating voice that he had hoped to never hear again. He reached over and grabbed onto Spencer's arm. He didn't think that she would try anything out here, but he would let Spencer get hurt over his dead body._

_The smaller girl danced in front of the formerly happy couple with a smile. "I thought that it was you! How are you doing?"_

_It was probably genuine, but all that Toby saw was the evil that lurked underneath. He thought he was over this. He thought he had moved on, but apparently seeing her again brought back everything that he had hoped that he would never feel again. "We have to go."_

_He could feel Spencer's eyes on him, but he couldn't look at her. If he looked at her he would dissolve into an embarrassing mess of tears. He was supposed to be the strong one; the one that would protect her. And here he was afraid of a petite girl. How was he ever supposed to face Spencer again?_

_"Hold on just a minute. We have a lot to catch up on." She reached out to put a hand on his arm, but just before she made contact Toby lurched away violently, panic swelling up in his chest. Just in time he realized that he still had a death grip on Spencer's arm and steadied her so that his weakness didn't send her plummeting to the ground._

_"Alright," Jenna said slowly. "I can still see you're holding on to the trivial details in the past. I'll leave you be."_

_He didn't turn to watch her leave. He didn't even know how long they stood there before Spencer gently wriggled out of his grasp and moved in front of him so that she could see his face. When he averted his gaze she changed strategies and led him to a secluded bench in the walking park across the street from where they were standing. She did nothing other than apply gentle pressure to his shoulders until he sat down and gently intertwine their fingers together as she sat down next to him._

_They sat there in silence for a long time before he broke it and tightened his grip on her hand. "Ask me what you need to know, Spence."_

_"Just look at me, Toby," she whispered. She put her free hand on his cheek, trying to encourage him to move his head. "Please just look at me."_

_He didn't want too, because he was sure that the pity in her eyes was going to be his undoing; but he could never refuse her when she asked him for something. He reluctantly looked her way and saw nothing but love in her eyes. _

_"Okay good," she kept her voice soft, her words just lingering between the two of them. "Now listen to me, okay? I don't know what that was or what the story is behind it. And I'm a bit curious, but just know that you don't have to share anything you don't want to with me. Because I know who you are, Toby. Nothing in your past could change that. So if you do share it with me know that it won't change anything."_

_He nodded, blinking back tears. He didn't want to be weak in front of her. He wanted to be the guy that he always had been for her. Not the one with enough proverbial baggage for an entire town of people. "T-that was Jenna Marshall, my step sister."_

_"Okay," she said, her voice not revealing whatever she had to be feeling. "You weren't happy to see her?"_

_"No, I wasn't." He bit his lip, trying to think of a way to tell her that wouldn't completely disgust her. "When she moved in I- I was kind of starved for affection. My mom had just died, and my dad was hurting too much to realize that I needed him. And J-Jenna- she- she was friendly. I thought she was just trying to be my friend, but that wasn't it at all."_

_He paused to give her a chance to ask any questions, but she didn't interrupt. She just put her free hand on his thigh and lightly brushed her thumb across his jeans in a soothing gesture. "The first time- s-she escalated things was about a month after she moved in. I had just gotten out of the shower and wasn't wearing a shirt when she walking into my room. She cornered me and told me that- t-that she felt more for me than sibling affection. A-and that she wanted to take things to the next level."_

_A deep breath was necessary before continuing, lest he start crying. And if he allowed himself to cry he would probably never stop. "Before I comprehended what she was saying she had a hand on my chest and was circling like a freaking lioness. I told her that it wasn't right- that I didn't want to. But she told me that if I said no she would tell her mom and my dad that I- that I forced myself on her."_

_"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Spencer breathed. Had he not been waiting for her to say something like that he would have missed her question all together._

_He nodded. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her hair, but she probably didn't want that. She probably saw him for who he really was now; disgusting, a monster... "She made me do things, disgusting and horrible things to her. I didn't want to. I swear to you Spencer, I didn't want it. I d-didn't want her. I wanted to w-wait, but-" He stopped, completely unable to continue without breaking down._

_Spencer's thumb was still tracing absentminded patterns on his thigh. "How did this stop? **When **did this stop?" Her voice was tight and controlled. She was trying to hide her true feelings from him.  
_

_He was kind of hoping she wouldn't ask him that, but at this point there was no reason to hide anything from her, despite the fact that it got so much worse. "It went on for about a year and a half, and it stopped just before my junior year. There was a girl in our class named Alison DiLaurentis. She **hated **Jenna because they were so much alike. The two of them were the most popular girls in school, but Alison wanted to be on top. So, one day she came to our house and intended on throwing a stink bomb in our garage. She had seen Jenna and I g-go in there a couple times. Alison peeked into the window first and s-saw Jenna and I- and anyway, she threw the stink bomb inside. But-"_

_"But what?" Spencer turned to face him and moved her hand from his leg._

_"It was a firework. It exploded and caught the garage on fire while Jenna and I were inside. I don't remember much... screams, panic, frantic fumbling to find Jenna. Because as much as I hated her, as much as I wanted to be free from her, I couldn't leave her inside. I carried her out and Alison was there waiting for me. She told me that if I didn't take the blame she would tell everyone what she saw. She didn't understand. She didn't get that **I didn't want it. **But she wouldn't listen. She thought the same thing everyone else though- t-that freak Toby was hurting his poor, innocent step sister."_

_Spencer didn't say anything. He thought she was just taking in all the information that he had just overwhelmed her with, but his skin was met by a woosh of air as she stood up suddenly._

_"Spencer?" He stood up and trailed after her. Was she running away from him? Was she afraid of him? Did she think that he was lying? Either way, he was her ride out here and he wasn't going to leave her stranded until she ordered him away. He trailed behind her, trying to keep his emotions under wraps. The whole world didn't need to know that he just recounted something emotional. "Spencer!"_

_She ignored him, running across the street, something important obviously catching her eye. He hesitated, but that's when he saw Jenna looking into a shop window. Suddenly Spencer's intentions became crystal clear. Damn it, that girl was far too impulsive for her own good. "**Spencer!**"_

_At the sound of his voice Jenna turned around. It was kind of disgusting, the hopeful look she got into her eyes. But she turned around just in time for her face to be met with Spencer's fist. He was torn. Part of him was beyond touched that she felt so strongly about defending his honor that she physically attacked his step sister. But a larger part was worried about an retaliation on Jenna's part. He caught up with Spencer and grabbed both of her arms, pulling her out of the way._

_"I'm calling the police!" Jenna screamed._

_Spencer simply laughed. "Go ahead. My parents are the best lawyers in the state, so you really have no chance. Worst case I have to do a bit of community service. But I think you have a lot more to lose, you disgusting bitch."_

_Toby knew he needed to end this before it escalated even marginally farther. He pulled Spencer away, and kept his hands on her as they walked down the road and to his truck. The second that they reached it Spencer took the lead and gently pressed him into the truck as they had done so many times before. "You listen to me and hear me, Toby Cavanaugh. There is **nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. **You were innocent in everything that happened. She was wrong. She was so, so, **so **wrong for taking advantage of you like that. I **love **you Toby. I love you so much, and nothing in the entire would could ever change it. Least of all something like this; something that wasn't even marginally your fault. **I love you.**"_

_He didn't know when he started crying, but at some point during her speech hot tears began to pour down his face. He had never told anyone what Jenna did to him before because he anticipated them reacting with disgust, but Spencer, as usual, shattered all of his preconceived notions. She saved his sanity, and was slowly helping him to heal from the horrors of his past. She was everything. "I love you too."_

"We never really talked about it again," he murmured, wiping away the tears that had once again betrayed him. "Mostly because you knew how hard it was for me."

"I- Toby, I- Shit!" She bit her lip and looked away, wiping away tears of her own. He wanted to reach out and brush them away with his thumb, but he didn't know how she would react. Would she think differently now? Would she react with the disgust that he had originally anticipated?

"It's o-okay if you don't feel the same way that you did in the past, Spence. I- it was more than I could have expected then, and-"

She interrupted his offering with a frantic shaking of her head. "No. No, Toby that's not it. I- God, I'm so sorry that happened to you. And I'm so sorry that I let my mother's misinformed opinion color how I viewed you, and I- I just-"

"You're still leaving," he surmised. He knew her better than he knew himself. It was written all over her face. She was still leaving him.

"I- God, I think I have too. And please know, **please **know that it has nothing to do with you. You've been wonderful. You've been there for me every single step of the way, Toby; and I don't think I could ever thank you enough. But I don't think that I can really grow while I'm here. You- you love me too much, and you'd want to make it easy on me. But it **can't **be easy. It can't be easy or I'll never become the person I need to be, just in case my memories never come back."

She paused. "And- and you just- you love me too much. I can see it and I can feel it every single time you're around me. The way you look at me, the way you talk to me, the way you touch me... It's an indescribable feeling, but it's one that I can't return yet. I know that I loved you in the past. I can see it in all of these pictures, and I can tell in your stories. I can't do this to you Toby. I can't make you look at me every day. I look like your wife, but I'm not her anymore. I'm just- I'm broken."

"Hey," he whispered. He wanted to protest. He wanted to pull her into his arms and never let her go. He wanted to beg her to stay with him. But he couldn't do that. He'd never been able to refuse her anything, and that feeling was only intensified now. She was hurting. She needed him to be there for her now more than she ever did. "You aren't broken, Spencer. And I don't want you to worry about me. I can take it. Because a friendship with you is better than nothing. I need you in my life in some capacity. But if you think that you need to leave for **you **then do it."

"You're alright with it?" She asked him, looking slightly surprised.

"Not even in the slightest. Your parents will try to poison you against me. I'm afraid that I'll lose you forever if you go. But if this is what you need, if this is what it takes for you to feel whole again, then you go. Don't worry about me or my feelings." He paused. "You're right about one thing though. I do love you. I love you with everything I have inside of me. I love you more and more every single day, and that will never change. So if you need to leave, if you need to escape, you can always come back."

"I- Toby, **thank you****." **She was worried about his reaction, but she needn't have been. As if he would ever do anything to hurt her. She took a step forward and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "This isn't the end, okay? I'll call you tonight."

He nodded wordlessly and watched her pack, wondering if he would ever see her again. He knew that she said she would call him, but once she got back under the overwhelming influence of her parents who knows what she would do.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hope you guys like this chapter! Because I literally adore writing from Hanna's POV. Next chapter will be another split one, I think. Between Spencer and Toby. And where the drama really heats up!**

**FYI, lest anyone be offended, the haunted theater that Hanna mentions below is a real story that circulated at my college! I can't make stuff like that up, haha.**

**PLEASE let me know what you think! It's the only way that I know you're enjoying this! And if you have any suggestions or whatever. Or memories you want to see. Because I have a general outline done for this story, but the small details can be changed.**

Chapter 11

HPOV

"She did _**what**_?!" She asked, completely shocked. She loved her best friend to death, to the moon and back with a quick jaunt through the stars; but damn the girl had a lock on some of the most terrible decisions. Why the hell would she want to go back to her poisonous family?

"She left, Hanna. It was something that she felt like she needed to do." Toby looked morose from his spot on the couch, he rested his head in his hands. But of course he was still defending Spencer's terrible decisions. Of course he was, the love struck idiot. Newsflash Cavanaugh! You're allowed to call out your wife when she's being a moron.

She opened her mouth to reply, but Toby continued before he could speak. "She- she said she'd call me tonight, but I just don't know. Han, do you think that you could maybe... I don't know, go check on her?"

"You don't think she'll realize that you sent me, though? I mean, Spencer might have lost her memories, but she's still smarter than the rest of us put together and then some." And that wasn't even an insult to them. Spencer was probably smarter than any three people in a room at any given time. "I'll go, but-"

"Please, Hanna?"

"Geez, I'm going. Keep your pants on." And then to make sure he still knew that she was always on his side she paused next to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "Stay positive, Toby. She'll realize you're what's best for her. In Spencer's computer brain we trust."

"Thanks Han," he murmured. His eyes looked red, like he was going to start crying again.

She had to get out of there before she was overwhelmed by stupid boy emotions. A crying boy was basically the worst thing in the entire world. She walked out the door and into her car without another word. She would leave Caleb to comfort Toby. She didn't know how boys did that but she imagined some burping, punches, and maybe some video games. But she was on her well to deal with a whole different monster.

Because an upset Spencer Hastings didn't usually cry. She didn't even act upset. In fact, she typically acted much more chipper than she would on any regular day. She just wanted to deal with anything and everything but what was upsetting her. And despite what Toby thought, Hanna knew Spencer Hastings better than she knew herself, and she knew that she would be upset over leaving Toby no matter what.

She left Toby and Spencer apartment feeling confident that she could cheer Spencer up, but as she drove through the neighborhood that Toby directed her too and pulled up in front of the house that her GPS led her to she was feeling considerably less so. She knew that Spencer was rich, but this was ridiculous. She could have fit about 18 of the house she grew up in into Spencer's flipping mansion.

A large part of her wanted to turn around and leave, but she couldn't do that. She had to try. At the very least she had to make sure that Spencer was okay. Toby deserved to know that. He loved her so much.

So with a deep, fortifying breath, she pulled herself up out of the car and stalked across the well-maintained lawn. This was ridiculous. They probably wiped their asses with gold plated toilet paper. Even the doorknob was fancy and overly ornate. There might have been a door bell, but she couldn't find it, so she rapped on the hard wood.

After a moment the door was pulled open to reveal a man in a suit with slicked back hair, and it took everything that Hanna had in her not to laugh. They did not make their butler, or whatever this man was, dress like a movie butler. "Um, hi. My name's Hanna... I was wondering if Spencer was home?"

"She is. Would you like to wait in the parlor while I announce your presence to Miss Hastings?"

"Um, yeah sure." She ran a set of fingers through her hair as the man led her to the fanciest room she had ever been in. "Should I um, should I take my shoes off?"

"No m'am." Great, now the butler looked like he was internally laughing at her. Was that not protocol around fancy people? "Now, unless you want a refreshment of some sort I will return shortly with Miss Hastings?"

"I'm good," she mumbled and tried to find a piece of furniture that didn't look like it cost more than her car. But the outlook wasn't good. Maybe she should just go ahead and stand. But what if there was some mud on her shoes? She'd stain the plush, white carpet that probably cost more than her entire education. She hadn't even made a dent in her student loans yet, she couldn't afford to drop $100,000 to replace the carpet. And what if-

"Hanna?"

"Oh thank God," she breathed. She plastered on a happy smile that she wasn't quite feeling on her face and turned around to face her best friend who didn't remember her. And honestly, it was kind of a punch in the gut. Spencer had been there for her through everything, and the fact that she remembered none of it killed her. But Toby was suffering enough. She wouldn't complain around him or divert Caleb's attention from _his _best friend. "Hey, Spence!"

"What are you doing here, Hanna?" She came down and linked arms with Hanna to help direct her to presumably her bedroom. "Why didn't you call?"

"Honestly? I didn't want to give you a chance to ignore me. I've found that sometimes the surprise attack method works the best on you." Well, that and Toby had asked her to come. But Spencer didn't need to know that her husband was an overprotective caveman.

Spencer snorted and pulled open one of the doors upstairs to reveal a bedroom that was as luxurious as the rest of the house. "This isn't really you, is it?"

"Not at all. But every time I tried to redecorate my mom threw a fit and hired an interior designer to decorate it in the most un-me fashion possible."

Hanna jumped as she spotted a small girl with dark hair perched on the bed. "Holy shit! Sorry, but you scared the hell out of me."

Spencer laughed and joined the other girl on the bed. Hanna shrugged and followed after her. At least in this room she didn't feel like any movements that she made would result in her destroying something that cost more than she would make in half of a lifetime. The Spencer she knew would probably wear any destruction like a badge of honor.

Spencer gestured to the other girl. "Hanna, this is my best friend, Emily Fields." She looked at Emily and gestured to Hanna. "And Em, this is Hanna Marin, who is apparently my best friend from college."

That apparently hurt more than she would probably ever admit. They **are **best friends. But the fact that Spencer had let her upstairs was encouraging. She could have kicked her out on her ass. "We met freshman year. We were roommates and I almost hit her with my car."

"What?!" Spencer interrupted. "You did? Sounds like the start to a beautiful relationship."

"Yep! You walked out right in front of me, you unobservant, idiot!"

Emily looked shocked at the way Hanna was talking, but Spencer only smiled. "I was probably listening to music or something. Em and I met the first day of second grade."

"Yeah!" Emily laughed and gave Hanna this really annoying smirk. Were they having a best friend pissing contest? Because she could definitely get into that. "I was crying because my cousin wouldn't share her crayons with me, so Spencer squirted glue in her hair. The rest went down in history."

"Most Likely to be BFFs in our senior year book," Spencer laughed.

After their story there was a bit of an awkward silence before Spencer turned to Hanna. "Why are you here, Han?"

"Why do you think I'm here?" If it wasn't obvious to her than Hanna really might lose any hope that she had left.

"I think that Toby asked you to come." Spencer's response wasn't a question. She knew why she was there, and Hanna couldn't deny it.

She nodded with an indulgent shrug. "You know how he is. Well, I guess you don't... not **really. **But if you give him a chance you'll come to find that he's a bit of an overprotective idiot. And I mean that in the best way possible."

"So he's always been like that? Not just because I got hurt?"

What the hell? Has Toby not been telling her the best stories? "Oh my God, that boy clearly wasted all the time that he had with you. Let me tell you one of my favorite stories of you two."

_She walked into the party with her three favorite people. She knew that she would have new experiences in college, but hell, she hadn't expected to find the three people that she cared about the most in the entire world. Spencer was her sister from another mister, Toby was the big brother that she had never had and always wanted, and Caleb was just everything. She was so lucky._

_But today she was feeling less lucky. She really hated Halloween, but Caleb had insisted that they all attend the campus sponsored party in the supposedly haunted Chapel. The kid was a bit of a ghost nut, although he'd never admit it. Probably his entire life would be made if the found the spirit of the priest that had supposedly hung himself in the rafters._

_"Han? Come to the bathroom with me?" Spencer smiled apologetically, but it was unnecessary. She would have offered to go had Spencer not asked. There were a lot more people here than she had thought there would be, and it was no fun to be the friend that gets separated from everyone else._

_"We'll be over by the punch," Caleb offered up helpfully._

_She leaned up and gave him a quick peck on the lips before walking away with Spencer. "Do you even have to pee, Spence?"_

_"Well, no. I wanted to check my make-up though. And to ask you why you look like you swallowed a hornet's nest."_

_Hanna laughed as they shouldered their way into the bathroom. "I just don't like Halloween much. At least this isn't a stupid costume contest. Because I would have come as an annoyed, stressed out college student."_

_"You're so weird, Han." She spent about two seconds checking her makeup before realizing it was still perfect. They left together and walked back out into the long hallway. There were only a few people around, but they could hear the loud music pumping in from the theater._

_They got about halfway down the hallway before a hand shot out and clasped around Spencer's wrist. "Spencer? Hey, how are you?"_

_The lilting British tone was nice on the ears, but by the way Spencer tensed up Hanna could tell that the new visitor wasn't all that welcome. "Wren. Are you drunk? What are you doing here?"_

_"I'm a lil bit pissed, yes. And I- I came to visit someone, but I seem to have lost him. Lucky for me. Why don't you lose **your **friend, and we can go see what we can get up to in one of these classrooms."_

_Hanna could see the older guy's hand tightening around Spencer's wrist, and she was about 3 seconds from intervening. She wasn't going anywhere._

_"Like I told you last time, Wren. I have a boyfriend, and you're with my sister." Spencer's voice was calm, but she could tell that she was freaked; and why wouldn't she be? "I don't want it now, and I **certainly **didn't want you to kiss me then, not that you gave me a lot of choice in the matter."_

_And now she was connecting the mental dots. This was her sister's fuckhead boyfriend that sneak attack kissed her in June. Oh hell no. She didn't really want to leave Spencer alone with him, but she couldn't think of anything else to do. "Do you want me to go find Toby, Spence?"_

_Spencer turned to look at her, the desperation was more than apparent in her eyes. "I-"_

_"No need, I'm right here."_

_She didn't realize how tense she was until she turned around and saw Caleb and Toby standing there. She probably could have like nut punched this drunken British idiot, and maybe she could have gotten Spencer away from him, but it was much more of a sure thing with the boys here. Spencer's inner-feminist was probably dying a little bit at having to be rescued, but as long as everything ended up alright Hanna didn't care what happened._

_Toby quickly nudged his way in front of Hanna and next to Spencer and this guy. "You need to let go of her now, alright?"_

_Caleb grabbed her hand and pulled her backwards to give them plenty of space. She looked over her shoulder at him and rolled her eyes. This was getting a bit ridiculous._

_Wren turned to look at Spencer with a smirk. "Is this the boyfriend?" When she didn't answer him Wren lightly pushed on Toby's shoulder to try to get him to leave. "Listen mate, we were just having ourselves a little chat."_

_"Spencer, do you want to talk to him?" He looked at Spencer, just to make sure. Hanna rolled her eyes again, because she was pretty sure that they way that Spencer was cringing away from the British Wonder was a pretty sure indication that she didn't want to talk to him._

_Spencer shook her head frantically, "No. He just grabbed me, and-"_

_Toby nodded, obviously having heard enough. He looked down at the wrist that Wren had a hold of, and in one seamless motion Toby yanked Spencer's wrist out of Wren's hand, pushed her behind him, and punched Wren hard across the face. "Now, you're going to leave her alone or you'll have to deal with a lot more than just a bruised face."_

_It a motion that looked graceful he wrapped an arm around Spencer's waist and directed her back into the theater. "Do you want to go?" Hanna heard him ask._

_Spencer shook her head and leaned up to kiss him. "No, I just want to party."_

"It was just kind of adorable the way that Toby swooped in there to rescue you." She paused, not sure if she should say more. But Spencer needed to hear it. "And I- I don't know if Toby's opened up to you about his past, but-"

"He told me some things."

And by the haunted look in Spencer's eyes Hanna knew exactly what he had told her. "Well then you know. Toby has some things in his past, some horrific things that would cause him to think twice about ever hurting anyone. And I'm not saying that it's romantic that he hit someone or anything, so don't get me wrong. It's just that- I don't even know. That he loves you enough to do something that he never thought he'd do... I don't know. Am I even making sense?"

"Yeah," Spencer said thoughtfully. "I think that you are."

Was that progress that she was seeing? But before she could respond Spencer's door burst open, revealing a semi-attractive guy with curly dark hair. Who was this? More of the help?

"Alex!?" Spencer jumped up with a laugh and wrapped her arms around the boy. "Oh my God, how are you?"

Alex? Where had she heard that name before? Alex... Oh shit. This was her high school boyfriend, and judging by Spencer's face she also couldn't remember the reason that they broke up. Shit.


	12. Chapter 12

**Do not hate me after this chapter, loves. Trust me and trust my vision, alright? And remember that I ship Spoby from here, straight out of the Milky Way and into the Andromeda Galaxy and then back again twice. REMEMBER THAT. Spencer belongs with no one else, and neither does Toby. But sometimes you have to make creative decisions... and urgh just read before I spoil my own chapter!**

**Sidenote... my reviews have gone from about 12 a chapter to 5ish? Can we fix this? Please?**

Chapter 12

SPOV

Something unfamiliar churned in her stomach as she embraced Alex. She knew that they had broken up, but she didn't know why. Toby was rather cagey about giving her information on her relationships with other people. And a reluctant part of her knew that Alex would never tell her, especially if it were his fault.

"Erm, I think that I'm going to go."

She whipped around to look at Hanna, and suddenly she was frantic. She grabbed the blonde's arm and led her into the hallway out of hearing range of Alex and Emily. "Han, please don't tell Toby about this."

"Tell him about what?" Hanna's voice was harder than she had ever heard it. "Tell him that you've already given up on your future together? Let him know that you've moved on? Trust me, **I **would never hurt him like that."

"I didn't ask Alex to come here, Hanna!" Sometimes she wondered if her mind were repressing her memories on purpose, because right now she was feeling things that she never would have felt six years ago. Namely, an all consuming desire not to hurt either Toby or Hanna. They deserved nothing but happiness.

"No, but you certainly didn't ask him to leave, Spencer. He **broke you heart**, but you give him a warmer welcome than the guy that would literally walk to the ends of the earth to make things okay for you? I don't get it and I never will. And I can't do it anymore. I can't stand by and watch you self destruct. Toby is too nice to say this to you, but I'm not. It's what best friends are for. You are making **_all_**the wrong choices right now. Your family is toxic. This _place _is toxic. Come home while you still have that option, Spencer." Hanna gave her one last imploring look before turning and disappearing around a corner

What the hell was that? What had just happened? How dare Hanna speak to her like that? But even through her outrage she couldn't help but smile softly. That kind of brutal honesty was something that she appreciated in a friend, and it was just becoming more and more apparent to her why she and Hanna had clicked. Hopefully it wasn't too late to mend that bridge, because she really wanted to know what Alex and her family had done. But even more than that, she wanted someone like Hanna Marin in her life.

But for now she turned around and walked back into her room. She had guests to entertain, and it was time to act like the Hastings that she remembered being, not the Hastings that she had apparently turned in to.

"I'm going to head out too, Spencer. Call me later!" Emily winked, and before Spencer could protest she slide out the door and out of sight.

The last thing she wanted was to be alone with pushy, forward Alex before she figured out what was going on with Toby. She had loved Alex at one time, but now that she saw what else was out there did she still? Did she even want to give him a chance? Did he even **deserve **one?

"Spencer, I've known you since we were babies, so I know you well enough to tell you to turn your brain off and let me take you out to dinner." His voice had no doubt. It was like he knew she'd say yes, and that fact alone made her want to say no.

"Alex-"

"Just as friends, Hastings. Don't worry, I remember how to play your taking it slow game. But I warn you. I intend to win you back from your gentleman caller from the slums."

She rolled her eyes and grabbed her coat. She had to eat anyway, right? It wasn't a date. But if all of that was true why was her stomach churning in guilt? "Fine, but keep your hands to yourself, Alex."

* * *

She told him she wasn't that hungry, that she'd be happy with just a salad. But he had to bring her to some artisan pizza place that he had recently decided that he loved. That was Alex for you. He acted like he was doing you a favor, but in reality it was an ulterior motive for him to get what he wanted. But honestly, she did usually enjoy his culinary choices.

"What are you going to have?" He asked her, giving her his typical smirk from over the menu. He was such a cocky asshole. But she kind of liked it. Did she like it more than Toby's sweet and genuine nature? When had life gotten so damn complicated? She knew that Alex would take her back in a second, but was that what she wanted? She didn't know, but she certainly wasn't going to make any lasting decisions before she got the whole story.

"I don't know," she murmured. "I told you that I just wanted a salad."

"And we both know that if I order a pizza you'll eat at least half of it. So stop being such a girl," he laughed.

"That's sexist," she replied automatically. "Don't be an ass." She hated cursing, but Alex had always brought out that side in her.

"Same old Spencer," he chuckled. "You know, I thought you'd be different, but you're totally not."

"Could have something to do with the fact I don't remember any of my time away from you?" She suggested dully. But his words struck a chord with her. Was that really what she wanted? Did she want to stay somewhere that encouraged her to remain exactly the same or even regress slightly? Because from everything she heard it sounded like she learned to be her own person in college. She stopped relying so much upon the opinions of her overly critical parents, and she started becoming the person that she always wanted to be.

She left Toby because she thought she needed something familiar, but she had been gone all of five hours and she was already regretting it. Maybe she should go back? Maybe- maybe instead of just trying to remember her blank years she should give Toby a chance to win her over. Maybe-

Her internal monologue was cut off by the feel of familiar lips roughly pressing against hers. And for a second all she could do was wonder what it would feel like to kiss Toby. Would his lips be soft? Would he be rough like Alex? Somehow she didn't think so. Alex always equated roughness and intensity with passion, but she had a feeling that she and Toby found plenty of passion by being slow and gentle.

"Spencer?"

She pushed away from Alex and hesitated before turning around. Because if his face reflected half of the pain that she heard in his voice she didn't know if she could take it. She swallowed and turned, immediately regretting it when she saw the tears swimming in his blue eyes. "Toby," she breathed.

* * *

TPOV

"Come on man! I just killed you for like the fiftieth time in a row."

Toby grimaced and looked over at Caleb. "Sorry. I can't focus right now. Can we just watch a movie or something?"

"I'm actually glad you brought that up!" Caleb chuckled and pulled out the second Hobbit movie from the backpack he carried everywhere. "Since Spencer is currently unable to enjoy this fine, nerdtastic piece of cinematic glory with me you'll have to do."

He felt a sharp sting in his heart at the mention of his wife, but he managed to keep the pain from showing on his face. "You drive a hard bargain, Rivers. But alright, pop in the little, hairy footed midgets."

"Hobbits, you uncultured swine," Caleb laughed and moved toward the DVD player. But before he could pop in the disk the door slammed open and an agitated Hanna Marin slid into the apartment.

"Han?" He could feel his own agitation growing. What had happened at Spencer's to cause this level of emotion to crack through Hanna's typical easy going nature. "Hanna, are you alright? Is Spencer?"

Caleb sat back, obviously knowing his girlfriend well enough to know that he'd be more likely to get a slap in the face than a return to his embrace. "Hanna..."

She flopped back on the couch for a second before immediately jumping back up. "I'm hungry!"

"I think we- I- have some of those cheesy puffs that you like..." he trailed off, not really knowing what kind of hungry she was. With Hanna I'm hungry could mean anything from needing a full steak dinner to being satisfied with a couple pieces of candy. "Or-"

"Or we could go hit up that new pizza place over on campus," Caleb suggested, being much more impulsive than usual.

"I thought you wanted to watch your movie?" Toby questioned.

"And now I'm wanting to feed the monster that lives in my stomach." He jumped up and leaned closer to Toby as he passed him by. "Come on man, you know how she gets when she's hungry. And I'm not leaving you here alone."

He was not a huge fan of being a burden to his friends, but he knew he'd do the same for either of them. A lot of other people would be worried about turning in to the third wheel, but that was never an issue for the four of them. They were friends first, and they trusted each other implicitly. He had spent many a lazy afternoon with Hanna while Caleb and Spencer watched nerdy movie after nerdy movie together. Caleb and Hanna were family. "Fine," he groaned. "But we have to order a pizza with veggies on it." He had no problem cutting into a giant piece of steak, but he didn't like meat on his pizza. It was weird.

Hanna nodded and followed after them and out the door. The drive to the pizza place was largely silent, all of them having something a bit more significant than pizza on their minds. He missed Spencer. Not the Spencer she was now, but **his **Spencer. He missed the girl that knew him better than he knew himself. He missed the girl that had an arsenal of cheesy jokes to amuse him with when he was sad. He missed the girl that knew when to comfort and when to back off and just let him blow off some steam. He missed the girl that had been there for every single good moment in his life. He missed her, and he would have done anything to bring her back.

_"Toby, you look like you're going to shit your pants. Calm down," Caleb muttered from his traditional spot to his left._

_Toby turned to offer up a retort, but before he could speak the wedding march began to pour out from the piano. He returned his vigilant eyes to the aisle and watched Hanna walk down. It was difficult to bite down a laugh when he heard Caleb's low whistle. Those two were so crazy in love, and he was sure that they would be following him and Spencer before too long._

_The music intensified as Spencer rounded the corner by herself, marking the absence of her parents from their big day. He knew it hurt her more than she let on, but today wasn't a day for sadness. It was a day for joy. He was about to become eternally binded to the only person in the world that he could imagine spending the rest of their life with._

_As she approached the alter she lifted her eyes, and his chest tightened as he saw the tears swimming in his eyes reflected back in her own. The minister was talking, but he wasn't listening. He couldn't focus on anything other than house beautiful she looked. She was too stunning for words, and he would happily spend the rest of his life ensuring that she never underestimated herself. He loved her. He loved her so much that he felt sure that there wasn't room in his heart for any other emotions._

_But really, how great was that? He was 23 years old and he was marrying the person that he loved the most in the entire world. He was marrying his best friend, and he honestly felt like the luckiest guy on earth._

_"Toby and Spencer have prepared their own vows for the occasion. Spencer, would you like to go first?"_

_She glanced at him before looking at the minister and nodding. She reached for his other hand, and he accepted without hesitation. She trusted him, and that meant everything in the world. First she trusted him to hold her hand, but now she was proving in front of their closest friends and family that she was trusting him to hold her heart. And he would never let her down._

_"Toby," she whispered, starting so quietly that he could barely hear her. "Toby, I just love you. I know that's no surprise, but there's no other way I want to start this. **I love you. **And I think that you, better than anyone else, know how hard it is for me to admit that. I remember the look on your face when I told you that I wasn't sure that I believed in soul mates; shocked and a little bit offended," she paused to laugh. "But the longer I've known you, the longer I've **loved **you, the more that I wonder if Plato had it right. He theorized that human beings used to have two heads, four arms, and four legs. But the gods began to fear them because they thought that they were too powerful, so they separated them, dooming them to spend their entire lives searching for their other half. I've known you for five years, sweetheart. And I've loved you for almost as long. But inside it feels like I've known you for a lifetime. And love... love just doesn't feel like a strong enough sentiment to describe how I feel about you. I love you with every single piece of my soul, Toby Cavanaugh. And I feel so lucky that you feel the same way about me and we get to spend the rest of our lives together."_

_By the end of her vows they were both crying, the tears running strong and silent down their respective cheeks. He reached out and brushed the back of his hand over her cheeks, wiping her tears away. "Spence I-" he laughed, "God, you made me cry. Okay, okay. Spencer, you are just my entire world. I don't think that you can comprehend how much you mean to. That day I met you, the first day of classes freshman year, I was so ready to give up. I was done dealing with my baggage. I just wanted everything to be over. But I wanted to give college a chance first, and I'm so glad that I did. Because I you changed everything. The song we're going to dance to later... "The Day Before You" by Rascal Flatts. There's a line in it that talks about the years without you shaping my heart for the day that I found you, and being thankful for the day before you. And God, Spence, I've never related to a song lyric more. I've- I've dealt with a lot, but if I'm the person that you love because of those things I'm grateful for it. You're worth that and more. I look into your eyes and I see forever. I'm so incredibly grateful for you. And I just- I want you to know that you'll never be alone, okay? **Never. **Not even for a single second. I'll never leave you, Spencer. You'll never lose me. I'll never give up on us. Even when it seems impossible I'll hold onto what we have. I'll always love you. I'll always protect you and defend you. You'll always be safe with me, Spencer. When you lose sight of who you are I'll remind you. When you're afraid I'll kiss your fears away. I love you. I love you now, and I'll love you forever. **I love you.**"_

_He knew that they were supposed to wait for the minister to give them permission, but when he saw the renewed tears on her cheeks and the ghost of a smile on her lips he couldn't stop himself. He leaned in and collided their lips together. He meant every word of it, because they were forever. There was nothing that could tear them apart._

A very small part of him knew that it would be better for his sanity to just let Spencer go. To let her figure this out for herself and to trust that she would come back to him one day. But he couldn't do that. He **couldn't. **He promised her that he would fight for her, and that was a promise he intended to keep. Because she was worth any struggles. She was worth the world.

He followed a quietly bickering Hanna and Caleb into the restaurant, not nearly as amused as he would have been. He and Spencer rarely fought. It wasn't that they never disagreed. They disagreed over plenty. It was just that they recognized when it was worthwhile to fight and when it was something that was simply going to needlessly hurt someone's feelings. One of them usually gave in before it got to that point. So they always found Hanna and Caleb's fights to be exceeding amusing.

"Purple jello is so much better. Woman, what kind of crack have you been smoking?" Caleb laughed and lightly hip checked her.

She groaned and tightened her grip on his arm so that she didn't stumble. "Everything blue tastes better. It's a proven fact." She turned to him and enthusiastically waved her hand in front of his face. "Toby! Pay attention to us for a hot second, alright? Then you can go back to moping. What tastes better? Purple or blue jello! And you have to answer, because it's for science."

He snorted, the air barely leaving his nostrils before he caught sight of something that all but stopped his heart. He would recognize the back of her head anywhere. He had spent so much time attentively watching her, making sure she was alright, making sure he knew where she was. But this? This he didn't recognize. He couldn't make his brain comprehend that he was seeing her with her lips attached to another guy's. And not just any other guy, she was pretty sure he recognized those dark curls as her ex boyfriend's.

"Spencer," he whispered, coming up behind her. He hadn't planned on saying anything, but her name slipped out in an inopportune case of word vomit. Every syllable burned as it came out. Was this some nightmare? If he pinched himself would he wake up.

He watched in horror as she pushed away from the guy and turned to look at him, her eyes spelling out equal alarm. "Toby," she murmured, getting up and reaching for him.

But before she could take a single step toward him he turned on his heel and fled the restaurant as fast as his legs would take him. He was running. He promised her that he would never run from her again, but it wasn't like she remembered. It wasn't like she was keeping her own promises.

He stumbled over an orange cone, bringing him harshly back to reality. Too spent to go any further he leaned against the exterior brick wall and slid to the ground, hiding his face in his knees.

"Toby!"

For the first time in his life he cringed at the sound of his wife's voice. He was too emotional to talk to her right now. He had a history of lashing out when his feelings were too much to deal with, and the last thing he wanted to do was cause irreparable damage between him and Spencer.

"Toby, just talk to me," she whispered, her voice much closer this time. He felt it as she slide down next to him. She put her hand on his shoulder, causing him to jump slightly. It was the first physical contact that she had made with him since the accident, and it calmed him more than he cared to admit. "Toby, it wasn't what it looked like."

And with seven simple words he was riled up again. "It wasn't what it looked like?" He croaked. "It wasn't what it _looked like? _Good, because to me it looked like my wife was kissing someone else."

"Toby-" she began, but he shook his head to stop her.

"No," he whispered. "No, Spencer. I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?" She breathed. He could hear the sadness in her voice, and he didn't dare look at her. If he saw tears in her eyes he'd take her into his arms and be unable to say what needed to be said.

"**This.**" He gestured between the two of them. "I love you, Spencer. And I can't imagine a time when I won't. But I can't just be your friend. I can't, and tonight proved it to me. I can't do this. I wish I could, but I can't. I thought losing you would be the hardest thing, but it's not. Losing you emotionally and watching you grow close to other guys? I can't do it. I'm not strong enough for that."

"Toby, wait, please."

He shook his head, stood up, and tried to subtly wipe away his tears before sneaking a look at her. The pain on her face was almost enough to bring him back down to his knees. "I can't. I'm so sorry, Spencer. I just can't." And without another word he turned and ran in the opposite direction. The walk to his apartment was a long one, but it was better than the alternative.

What do you do when the worst thing happens? How do you go on? Who do you have to become in order to survive?

SPOV

She didn't know how long she sat there. She didn't know how many people passed her. She didn't know how to answer when an older woman asked her if she was okay. Was she okay?

"Spencer?"

It wasn't the voice that she wanted to hear, but it was almost as good. She turned to look at Hanna, 100% positive that if she tried to talk right now she would give into the sobs that she could feel building at the back of her throat.

Hanna gave her a sympathetic smile and wrapped an arm around her shoulders and lead her to a bench. "Caleb scared off your friend, sorry. But he's a bit, and by a bit I mean monstrously, protective of Toby right now."

"It's alright. I don't- that wasn't even- I don't like Alex like that. Not anymore." She hadn't made any decisions in the restaurant, but as she interacted with Toby and Hanna she knew what she needed to do. Because who wanted to be a Hastings? Who wanted to deal with semi-abusive pushes toward greatness? Who wanted to be made to feel like a failure every single day? She certainly didn't. She deserved better than them, and she deserved better than the Hastings approved boyfriend, Alex.

As a child she didn't have a choice. She had to stay with her parents. But now she had other options. Why saturate herself in the toxicity? It sounded like she had the strength to break away once; she just had to find it within herself to do it again. "Han, why did I break up with Alex? And please don't tell me that it's not your story to tell. Who else will I find out from?"

Hanna paused and looked at her for a second before nodding reluctantly. "He cheated on you the summer before you left for college with someone you trusted. That's all you ever told me. I always thought that it must have been someone I knew, since you were so reluctant to share. And I only knew your family and _of _Emily. That's why I left so abruptly earlier. It was 99% out of respect for Toby, and 1% because I connected the dots and thought that it must have been Emily he cheated with."

It stung, but it surprisingly didn't hurt as badly as she thought it would have. Was it because she was steeling herself to give up on Alex and all the other Hastings ways? Or was it because she knew that was what had happened, deep down? Either way, she was so glad that Hanna had told her. She wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck. "Thank you so much. Now- now will you take me to Toby?" She felt Hanna nod into her shoulder. "Do you think that he'll ever forgive me, though? I really hurt him, Han."

Hanna chuckled and pulled away so she could look Spencer in the eyes. "I'm about 95% sure that he would forgive you for anything; even like running him over with an elephant or something. Just go talk to him."

Spencer bit her lip and nodded. She didn't know what she would do if he refused to forgive her, to give her a chance, but she had to try.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long, but I've been busy! I hope this chapter is worth the wait :). Next chapter will be up around 130 reviews, okay? It shouldn't take so long again.**

**The second memory in this chapter is a continuation of the first memory in chapter 10. You can go reread if you want, but it doesn't matter too much. Just wanted to let you know haha.**

**And I have to take a second to shout out my sista from another mistaaaa's new account, TheSweetHello. My stupid (read that in the most affectionate way possible) best friend finally decided to stop trolling your stories and leaving guest reviews and make her own account. And she just posted her first spoby story (Sanity's Requiem) and it's AMAZING. I almost don't want to share with you, because she's a better writer than me and will steal you all away haha! But whatever. Go leave the bitch (affectionate) a review.**

Chapter 13

TPOV

He was back at his apartment, but he didn't want to go inside. He sat on a bench in front of the main entrance and hid his face in his hands. He was feeling slightly sorry for himself, and he was already regretting what he had said to Spencer. Who was he kidding? That girl owned his heart, and he couldn't live without seeing her in some capacity, without knowing that she was alright.

But if he was honest with himself he was feeling the most sorry for Spencer. In the past six years she had exponentially grown as a person. She wasn't the scared little girl who couldn't stand up to her parents. She wasn't the girl that stayed with Alex out of obligation. But she couldn't remember the steps that she had taken to better herself. She couldn't remember how utterly brave she was. She didn't remember that she was better off without them, and that just broke his heart.

_He traced gentle, abstract designs along the inside of her forearm. Swirls and stars and hearts. Nothing of importance, he just needed to touch her. He needed to remind himself that she was still there. Sometimes he couldn't fathom how lucky he was that he had her, but he would work every day to become worthy of her love. He would never forget that she chose him, despite the fact that she could have any guy on the face of the planet._

_"Spence? Are you feeling any better?"_

_She moaned and shook her head, burrowing it deeper into his chest. He was struck by just how hot it was. "No. I'm starting to wonder if I should maybe go to the emergency room."_

_He couldn't help but mentally agree, but he knew that if he told her that she should go she would immediately deny it. She was stubborn to a fault and had to make this decision on her own. "Whatever you decide to do I'm here for you, okay?"_

_"It's just a fever though," she mumbled. "They'll probably laugh at me and send me to CVS to get some cough medicine."_

_"You already have cough medicine, sweetheart," he said softly, referencing the nasty red goop that Hanna had fetched before fleeing to his and Caleb's apartment. "It doesn't seem like it's helping much."_

_A loud, hacking cough forced it's way through her whole body and out her exhausted mouth. He tightened his grip on her lest she do something stupid like pull away. "Come on, Spence. Let me take you to the doctor. You could be seriously sick." He ran his hand up and down her spine, hoping to provide some sense of comfort._

_She sighed and sank more deeply into him once her coughs subsided. "Okay," she rasped out. "But I think I can drive myself. You don't have to come if you don't want to."_

_He snorted. Stubborn to a fault. He lifted her slightly off of him and wrapped the thick comforter around her shoulders, wanting to make sure that she was warm enough. "Can you walk or do you want me to carry you?"  
_

_"Not on my death bed, Cavanaugh," she mumbled as she pulled herself out of his arms and shakily stood to her feet. "But come along if you must," she attempted to tease, but it kind of fell flat at the pained look on her face._

_He pulled himself up and wrapped an arm around her waist to steady her. "You know how much I love you, right?"_

_"About half as much as I love you," she murmured, leaning more heavily into him._

_He gratefully took on her weight. He'd much rather carry her than watch her struggle to walk, but he knew she'd never let him. "Do you want to call your parents?"_

_"I did right before you got here," her voice took on a sad quality that he didn't like. "My mom told me to make sure I didn't let it effect my grades and hung up."_

_He didn't understand her parents. He didn't understand how the two people that were supposed to love her the most didn't see the beautiful, loyal, intelligent, incredible daughter that they had created. He didn't understand how they could treat her with so much indifference and disdain. "I'm sorry, Spence."_

_"Don't apologize for something you didn't do," she said softly. "You're the only one who makes it better. As long as I have you I can get through anything Toby, even if I won't admit it at the time. Just never leave me, okay?"_

_"You're stuck with me, baby. Forever." He dropped a soft kiss to the top of her head as he approached the truck. He was sure that he loved Spencer Hastings more than any other human being on the planet. He was sure of it, and now it was time to take her to the hospital, because seeing her sick was killing him._

It looked like he was breaking all of his promises lately. He told her he'd never leave her. He told her that they'd be together until death parted them. And he meant it. He _still _meant it. Spencer just came at him in a moment of weakness. Nothing gave him the right to talk to her like that, to blow up at her. But he had to let her know that he didn't mean it. That he couldn't live without a part of her in his life.

He didn't know when he stood up, but apparently through part of his thought process he had began walking in the direction of the restaurant. He could only hope that Spencer was still there, because he couldn't imagine being welcomed into the Hastings' house or he would have gone there earlier, rather than having sent Hanna.

"Toby!"

He looked up from the ground and was able to briefly take in Hanna's vehicle before something small launched itself into his arms. He reflexively tightened his arms around them before he looked down and realized that it was Spencer. "Spence?"

"Oh Toby," she murmured, burying her face in his neck. "Toby, I'm so sorry."

"What are you talking about?" He was genuinely confused. What did she have to apologize for? He was the one that needed to apologize.

"For everything. For leaving, for kissing Alex, for making you think that I don't feel anything for you; because that's not true at all. I've been making all the wrong choices right now, and I'm so sorry." She pulled away to look at him, and he was horrified to see tears in her eyes.

"No, Spencer this is _my fault. _I've been handling everything wrong, and I'm sorry. It just hurt so much, but it wasn't your fault. And I-"

"Listen to me," she said softly, a tenderness that he hadn't heard since the accident saturating her voice. "You are the **only **person in my life that has cared for me unquestioningly, supported me through everything, and made sure that I knew that this wasn't my fault. And God, Toby I just- I don't know how to thank you enough for that."

"I'm glad you feel that way," he matched his tone to hers. Because he suddenly had an idea. If it didn't work he didn't know what would. "because I never want to hurt you. I always want you to know that I'll be there for you. But I think I need to do things differently now. I think that instead of telling you stories I need to just show you how we were together. So Spence? Will you go on a date with me?"

Her worried face broke out into a grin. "Right now?" She laughed.

"No time like the present," he smiled and took her hand. He walked the two of them over to Hanna's car. "Thanks for bringing her back to me, but I've got it from here."

Hanna laughed and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek. She paused to whispered in his ear. "Be careful with her, Toby. Something's going on with her. You'll see what I mean." She pulled away and did a U-turn in the middle of the street before he could ask her what she was talking about.

"So where are we going?" Spencer asked.

He shook his head and diverted his attention from Hanna's slowly shrinking car to the shivering girl on his arm. He shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it securely around her shoulders. "Back home," he smiled. "We had a very specific idea of what we liked to do when we spent time together."

She looked curious, but to her credit she didn't ask any questions. They walked together in a comfortable silence. He had always been a quiet guy and a bit of a loner because he felt uncomfortable trying to make conversation with people. But with Spencer it was just so different. He never felt awkward around her, whether they were conversing or just enjoying each other's company.

"The stars are bright tonight," she murmured as they approached the apartment. "You usually can't see them so well in the city."

"You were always a bit of a nerd, Spence," he laughed, teasing her the way he used to. He wasn't going to treat her like she was made of glass anymore. That did nothing other than make her feel needy and weak. He would treat her like he always had.

She laughed and hip checked him. He grabbed the door frame like she had actually pushed him, and he was rewarded with a loud peel of laughter. His smile only grew at the sound. Her laughter had always been the most beautiful sound in his world. They walked up to the apartment together. Once he had the door unlocked and opened he turned to Spencer and tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear. "Why don't you call and order us some Chinese. The number is 8 on your cell phone's speed dial. I'll go grab the Scrabble board and something to drink, alright?"

"Scrabble?" She grinned. "No one will ever play Scrabble with me."

"It's kind of our thing," he explained, fighting to keep the smile off of his face. One of his favorite memories in the world was her disgruntled reaction when he beat her for the first time. Maybe he could recreate that this evening.

_He sat up straight as he heard the key card slide into the slot. She had been gone for awhile, and considering everything else that had occurred this evening he was worried about her. But when he saw the bright smile on her face some of that worry dissipated. She really seemed alright. "Hey! Where'd you end up going?"_

_"Walmart," she wrinkled her nose disdainfully. One of the side effects of a privileged childhood was an immense dislike for all things Walmart. "It was all that was open. But it doesn't matter because I got the supplies that we need." She chuckled and began to pull things out of the bags one by one. "Coffee, duh. Some energy drinks in case we want a new flavor to our caffeine fix. Some magazines. There's a really great article on page 17 of Carpentry Today. You should probably check it out. Snacks. And, of course, Scrabble."_

_"Spence," he said softly. He had to try one more time. "You can go back to your house if you want. It's your family, and it's Christmas. I can just stay here."_

_She shook her head and crawled across the bed to brush a light kiss across his lips. "I love you. They'll always be my family, but I **love **you. I won't ever let anyone talk to you like that, family or not. You don't deserve to be treated that way by anyone, and I'll always defend you. I promise you that. We'll have our own little Christmas here and then go back to Hanna and Caleb tomorrow."_

_"I don't want to be the reason you're fighting with your family, Spencer," he murmured, looking down that the sheets. He was touched beyond belief that she'd stand up for him like that, but he knew what it was like to not have a family. He didn't ever want Spencer to feel like that._

_"You're not," she assured him. "They are. I'm done keeping my mouth shut and letting them treat people however they want. They will not talk to you like that, and they won't tell me how to live my life. Not anymore. Now can we please play so Scrabble? I'm in the mood to kick your ass," she laughed._

_He shook his head with a smile. They had never played Scrabble together before, and the girl was in for a bit of a rude awakening. Scrabble was his game. But it would be more fun to see her reaction after he won._

* * *

_She chewed on her lip for a moment before smiling broadly. "Glyceraldehyde. And with the triple word score I believe that's 74 points for me."_

_He bit down a laugh as he organized the word he had been waiting for. "Goofball. Thanks for the G, I was waiting for it. With the bingo bonus that's 104 points." He grinned as she sighed in annoyance and wrote down his points. She was such a sore loser, and he was finding it impossible not to find it completely and utterly adorable._

_"104 points," she huffed. "Good for you."_

_"Spencer," he laughed, not able to keep it in anymore. Pissing her off was kind of fun. "There aren't anymore letters, so I'm pretty sure that means I won, right?"_

_She shook the bag, making sure, before she grudgingly nodded. "Yeah. Good job, Cavanaugh."_

_His soft smoke broke out into a wide grin. "It was fun kicking your ass."_

_She looked disgruntled for another second before smiling and pushing the board aside. "You know what else would be fun?"_

_"I think you're about to show me..." he trailed off as her lips attacked his own._

He sat the board up on the coffee table. Every time he saw Spencer looking away he poked through the bag until he found the letters of his choosing. If he was going to recreate a memory for her he only had one shot to do it. "Pick your letters, Spence." He passed her the bag as soon as he was done cheating and she was off the phone.

She nodded and pulled out her allotment of letters. "Chinese will be here in 45 minutes or so. I didn't know what you liked, so I ordered a little bit of everything."

He didn't even like Chinese, so that worked. He only ordered it because he knew it was her favorite. But even Spencer with her memories didn't know that. "I'm sure you got something that I'll like. You want to go first?"

She nodded, thoughtfully glancing over her letters, arranging them into probable words. He smiled at her focused gaze and got up to pop Titanic, her favorite movie, into the DVD player. He had seen it more times than he could count with her, but tonight wasn't about finding his own enjoyment, although it was hard to imagine not enjoying the time he spent with Spencer. Instead he wanted to remind her of the things that defined the person that she became without having to verbally tell her.

"Titanic, huh?" She laughed as she looked up from the word that she had laid out on the board. "I wouldn't have thought that you enjoyed a good, tragic romance."

I don't sweetheart. It's all for you. But he couldn't say that to her. Instead he smiled and glanced at her word. No G, damn it. "Young, pre-chubby Leo is hard to resist," he muttered something he heard Hanna say once. He had no idea what it meant, but apparently it was funny, judging by the laughter that poured from Spencer's lips.

"Heard that," she laughed. "Now play your word so I can get back to kicking your ass."

Usually he was the one doing the ass kicking, but if she didn't play the letter he needed he was going to lose miserably. He laid out a short word that didn't screw up the letters that he was saving and pulled a few more out of the bag.

They went on like that for a few rounds, Spencer putting out long, high scoring words, and Toby putting out short words and silently praying for a G. They only took a short break to grab some drinks and silverware for the Chinese, deciding to just eat it straight from the cartons.

He was starting to give up hope when it finally happened in the most ironic was possible. Spencer played off the C that he had just put down. "Glyceraldehyde, and I think that's 74 points."

He had to work to control his emotions, this time not because he wanted to laugh, but because he was worried about crying. He organized his letters and sat them out, smiling slightly as he even ran across a triple word score like the last time.

"Goofball?" Spencer asked him in a soft, almost weak sounding, voice.

He looked up at her in concern, just in time to see her sway slightly. He reached across the coffee table to grab her arm and steady her. "Are you alright, Spence?"

"I just thought- um- yeah I think so," she muttered, still not looking at him. She hadn't taken her wide, brown eyes off of the letters. "How many points?"

"104," he said softly, watching her vigilantly. Something was going on. "Are you sure that you're alright?"

"Yeah," she said as she wrote out his points. "Hey, I was planning on going back to my house tomorrow to get my stuff so I can come back here, but my parents are having a party. I think I should probably attend to soften the blow before I leave them again. Will you come with me? Hanna and Caleb can come too if they want to."

"Of course," he replied without hesitation.

"Good, because Alex will be there, and I don't know, I just-"

"Say no more. If he tries anything I'll take care of it, okay?" After she had explained to him what really happened he was actually quite proud of himself for staying, for not going and kicking his ass right now. No one would touch her against her will. He was absolutely certain that his background with Jenna gave him more intense feelings on the subject, but regardless, it would happen again.

She just looked at him for a second, something unfathomable in her eyes, before leaning across the table and kissing him. He was shocked, but responded almost immediately. It felt good. It felt as familiar as anything ever had, like their lips were made only for that purpose.

But before it got too intense she broke away with a soft gasp. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I don't know what-"

"Shhh," he murmured, brushing her hair back and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You never have to apologize for something like that. If you didn't want to then I owe **you **an apology. But never doubt that I always want you, baby."

Her eyes widened and she nodded frantically, looking down at the game board to hide the blush on her cheeks. No matter what his mind was telling him, he couldn't help but see this as progress.


	14. Chapter 14

**SO MUCH HAPPENS IN THIS CHAPTER. So yeah, proceed with caution haha! This IS my favorite chapter so far, and I hope that you feel the same way! The next chapter is from Toby's POV and it overlaps with this one slightly.**

**Review and let me know what you think! **

Chapter 14

SPOV

She glanced at the stuffed suitcase near her door with a degree of trepidation that she had never before felt; or at least she didn't remember feeling. Apparently she had found the courage to leave her family behind once. She had to find it again. She knew what was right, what was best for her, and that was her life with Toby; whether she had her memories or not.

Because in the short time that she knew him he never pressured her, he never purposefully made her feel badly for not remembering, he always took care of her and made her feel safe. But even more than any of that, he wasn't the one asking her to choose. She knew without asking that he would never protest her spending time with her parents, but Toby would never be good enough for her family, no matter how many times he proved himself. But honestly, she was beginning to think that earning the disapproval of the Hastings was a clear indication of being a decent person. She was picking Toby for more reasons than she could list, the least of which was that he wasn't the one that was making her choose.

This wasn't going to be easy, but it was what was right. She had never been more sure of anything. Toby made her feel safe, protected, and loved. He loved her, and she didn't know that because he told her. She knew it, without a shadow of a doubt, because he showed her in everything he did. That kind of tangible love was as wonderful as it was completely foreign to her.

"Spencer, are you ready to come down? Everyone's asking for you."

She turned and faced the only semi-normal member of the Hastings clan with a rueful smile. "Do I have any other choice?" She laughed. "I'd actually rather stay up here and re-read _A Brave New World _for the tenth time."**  
**

"Yeah, well if you don't come down with me mom will be up here next. And she'll have a lot more to say about that suitcase than I will," Melissa countered. They may have been less manipulative than their parents, but they had received their fair share of the intelligence that characterized their entire family. There wasn't much that she liked more than a battle of wits with her sister.

Her smile faltered slightly at the reminder of what she had to do. "I just- I can't stay here anymore. Toby and my friends are the greatest people that I've ever met, and they don't approve of them. They won't tell me what caused our big blowout, and I-" she trailed off at the guilt that appeared on Melissa's face. "Are you kidding me? You know too? Melissa! I understand Toby and Hanna keeping it quiet, believing that it's not their place to tell me, but you? You're my _sister. _That meant something when I was 18, or did that change too?"

"I just- we're finally moving past it. I was able to forgive them for it, but you never were. And I- I don't know, I finally felt like I had my sister back... the only person I ever felt was on my side in this fucked up family. I didn't want to risk that."

"Listen to me," Spencer grabbed Melissa's hand and waited for her to look her in the eyes. "You'll always be my sister, and I'll _always _be there for you. But Mel, you have to see that this is something that I _need _to know. It clearly effected my relationship with them in the past, and if it was enough to cause me to cut them out it must have been significant. _Please."_

Melissa looked at her for a long second before nodding. "I'll tell you, but you have to promise me that you won't make a scene until after everybody leaves."

"Melissa-"

She shook her head. "No, Spencer. No protests. Promise me."

"I promise," she agreed reluctantly. Now that she was on the precipice of the answers that everyone was so determined to keep from her her stomach ached. Did she really want to know? But honestly, it didn't matter what she wanted. She **needed **to know.

Melissa nodded and took one of Spencer's hands to presumably comfort one of them. She wasn't sure which. "It was your last day home before starting your junior year, and you were all blissed out because you hadn't seen Toby all summer. You were ready to get back to school. Mom invited me over for dinner, but the whole night something was off. I can't even describe it really. Mom and dad kept glancing at each other over their steaks, but not in a lovey way. In a nervous way."

Melissa sighed and stood up, walking across the room to look out the window. "About halfway through the meal Dad got a call on his cell phone. He was angry, and we were really confused. He was screaming about getting someone fired and how could they have lost her. It was obviously not a client, but he only took business calls on that phone. Before he could hang up the phone a loud knocking thumped on the door, and the windows were like they are now. There were no curtains on them, so we could see a small brunette girl peaking into the house. You jumped up to answer it, but mom grabbed your wrist to hold you back."

She swallowed roughly. "Spence, I- this isn't something you're going to be happy to learn. It still disgusts me to this day. I have to ignore it or I would have done the same thing that you did."

"I kind of figured that by the fact that no one would tell me what the hell was going on, Melissa. Keep going." She didn't like the direction this story was going in. Who was the girl?

Melissa nodded, reluctantly continuing. "You yanked your wrist out of Mom's grasp, not appreciating her physicality," Melissa's lips twitched at that. "and answered the door. The girl came inside and immediately came to the table and said something like 'Mom, Dad I'm home.'"

She was starting to get a picture of where this was going and she didn't like it at all. Her heart constricted with dread, because she truly didn't want to think of her parents as being the kind of people that would abandon a child.

"Dad took the girl into his office and Mom turned to us for a second before shaking her head and looking away. She started to clear the plates from the table, but you were having none of that. You grabbed her arm, yanked what was in her hands out of them, set it on the table, and gave her a death glare before demanding that she tell us what the hell was going on. I think you either shocked her into compliance or impressed her with your gall. Either way she told us everything. The girl's name was Bethany, and she was a patient at Radley, the mental hospital. But she was also their daughter, our sister. She was older than you, but she was younger than me. I don't remember this at all, but apparently she was showing signs of mental illness around two, and rather than dealing with an imperfect Hastings they sent her to Radley. Who knows what was wrong with her? Who knows the person that she would have been had she been able to grow up outside of that environment? But we'll never know because our parents were too selfish to give her a chance."

"They abandoned our _sister_?" Spencer choked out, feeling far too emotional to give a more appropriate response. Study after study after study has shown that environment plays almost as large a factor in who we become as our biological makeup. Perhaps Bethany was destined for some kind of mental illness, but there's no shame in that. But being raised in a mental institution where she was probably constantly treated as though she were sick shaped her childhood. When you were told something daily you began to believe it. That poor girl.

"They did. You looked like you were going to hit Mom, but instead you turned around and ran upstairs to pack your bags. You left to go back to school that night, and I hadn't seen you until I came to visit you in the hospital after you lost your memories. But Spencer, you should know... about two weeks after the confrontation Dad got a call from Radley. Apparently you visited Bethany, and you left her with a check for half of your trust fund."

She was feeling too much right now. Rage. How dare her parents even imagine that it was okay to talk to her after doing something like that? How dare they not tell her? Anguish for what Bethany must have gone through, spending her entire life in a mental institution. Gratitude toward Melissa for finally spilling the beans. And pride, because she seriously liked the person that she had become while away at college; she like the person that gave the girl that had lost everything what was owed to her as a Hastings and she liked the girl that wasn't afraid to stand up to her parents, to tell them when they were wrong.

But there was something else. A fleeting mental picture of throwing herself into Toby's arms. It was probably just because that was all that she wanted to do after being overwhelmed with all of that information, but part of her wondered otherwise. She could practically feel the strength of his arms as they constricted around her. She could smell his light cologne as she buried her face in the softness of his black tshirt. Were her fantasies usually quite so vivid?

Regardless, she knew that she needed to go. She had promised Melissa that she wouldn't make a scene, and that was a promise that she would be able to keep only if she didn't run into her parents. Toby should be here soon, and she could only imagine that he would be all the more willing to skip a party with the Hastings. "I-" she mumbled. "I'm going to go find Toby."

And without waiting for another word from her sister Spencer vacated the room. She was sure that she looked back she'd be able to see the thick, emotion riddled air seeping from around the door. She had to get away, because she was going to blow up. And she had a feeling that right now Toby was the only one who would be able to calm her down.

She walked downstairs and avoided the alcohol table where she knew her parents would be. If she saw them right now she'd do something stupid like scream or cry. She needed to see Toby. She needed to find him, but she didn't even know if he had arrived yet. She settled in on a decorative log by the driveway, content to wait until he got there.

"Spencer?"

She cringed hearing one of the last voices that she wanted to hear. "Just leave me alone, Alex."

But because he was Alex he did what he wanted to do without worrying about the feelings of anyone else. He sat down next to her and shot her his signature smirk. "What's got your panties in a wad? This is a party, smile!"

"Did you cheat on me with Emily?" She asked the question that she didn't even know that she needed the answer to until she saw him.

"Who told you that?" He asked in a hard voice that was as good as a confirmation.

She shook her head. "How did I ever believe that coming back to you people would be what's best for me," she muttered, pulling herself up from the log that she was sitting on.

Before she could move Alex's fingers wrapped around her wrist, stopping her. "Spencer, stop. Listen to me."

"No," she snapped, tugging on her wrist. "You were never even going to tell me, were you? You were going to let me live oblivious, making an ass out of myself every time I saw the two of you together! How incredibly selfish can you get?"

"We both regretted it immediately, Spencer! We regretted it the second that it happened, and this felt like a second chance for both of us," he said softly, pulling her back down onto the log.

"That is the most bull shit explanation. If you cared at me at all you would have told me the second you saw me. You would have given me the answers that I needed to make sure I was making the best decision. But instead you took advantage of my injury, of my confusion and fear, and you used it to your own advantage." Tears of frustration poured out of her eyes and trailed down her cheeks. These were supposed to be the people that she could trust the most in the world, but instead she was learning that she had been told nothing but lies since she woke up in the hospital.

"Spencer," he whispered. "Spencer, I'm sorry." He leaned in like he was going to kiss her, but there was no way in the world that she was going to allow that to happen again. It felt wrong. It felt like cheating, and she wasn't sure why. She knew that Toby was technically her husband, but what her brain remembered was being with Alex. Shouldn't it feel right? She was so confused.

She leaned back, panicked for a second before deciding that she wasn't going to be the victim any more. She going to take her life into her own hands, and right now that meant getting rid of Alex. Before she even realized what she was doing she swung her fist into his face.

He jumped backwards, grabbing his cheek and hissing in pain. "What the hell, Spencer?" She didn't wait for him to renew his grip on her. She jumped to her feet and took off across the lawn.

She didn't see it coming. It was like being hit by a truck, the force of it bringing her to her knees. Memory after memory flooded through her mind.

_"Do you want some eggs?"_

_She looked up from the TV and couldn't bite back a laugh in time at the sight of Toby in an apron. "What are you doing?"_

_"I'm cooking," he replied, a slightly offended look on his face at her laughter. "Don't hate on the apron. It's yours anyway."_

_"Right," she giggled. "That's why I'm laughing. Aprons are perfectly respectable clothing, but it's the fact that you're wearing the outline of a bikini on your apron that's making me laugh. But yes, if you're cooking I'd love some eggs."_

She crawled across the grass and leaning against the barn, curling herself up into a tight ball.

_A panicked shout immediately caught her attention. "Toby?" She asked in concern as she walked into the living room. "Are you alright?"_

_"No! Look at that monster!" He was pointing the baseboard, and she laughed when she saw an admittedly large spider crawling along the wood._

_She grabbed an empty glass off of the end table and a magazine, easily catching it inside. "Aren't I the one that's supposed to be screaming?"_

_"Says the feminist," he snorted. "Just get it out of here before I'm forced to burn the apartment down. He might have left friends behind."_

She tightened her arms around her legs and buried her face in her knees. Her head was spinning, and if she moved she felt sure that she would collapse. "Spencer!" She heard his voice calling out for her, but she couldn't respond. She couldn't move. Hell, she could barely breathe.

_"Anyway, I really need to hit the mall. I'm seriously lacking in the accessories, and Professor Smith said that we need-"_

_The day was much too nice to be inside, so the two of them decided to spend some time in the park. Spencer hadn't really been paying attention to her best friend's accessory ramble, but the sudden cutting off of her words had her immediate attention. "Han?"_

_But Hanna's attention wasn't on her any attention to her anymore. A wide grin overtook her face as she took in something over Spencer's shoulder. She turned around in confusion, but it was quickly alleviated when she saw him. _

_Her feet led her to him before her mind even decided that's what she wanted to do. But her heart always knew when it came to Toby. She tried to walk to him with a bit of decorum, but as soon as she got close enough she laughed herself into his waiting arms. He caught her easily with a laugh. "I missed you."_

_"You can't go away for that long again," she muttered into his neck._

_"It was only a week," he chuckled, tightening his grip on her. "A very long week."_

_"A very, very long week," she agreed. "Next time you're taking me with you."_

_"No arguments here," Toby said softly, pulling away enough so that he could press a soft kiss to her lips; their first kiss in over a week. "I love you so much, Spence."_

_"I love you too," she muttered, meeting their lips together again._

"Spencer! Come on, sweetheart. Just look at me. What's wrong?" His hands were on her face, trying to get her to look at him. But she shook her head, struggling to keep her eyes on the ground. Not yet.

His hands were gentle, so unlike Alex's. His fingers moved from her face to her shoulders, pulling her to him. "Please talk to me, baby. What's wrong? Is it your head? Do I need to take you back to the hospital?"

_She didn't know what to do. She didn't know where to go. She probably shouldn't be driving, but she couldn't bring herself to care. The tears that were pouring from her eyes practically blinded her to the dark night. _

_She pulled over to the side of the road and looked up, shocked to realize that she was sitting across from the house that Toby and Caleb were set to share for their junior year of college. From texting Toby before dinner began she knew that he had already moved in. She knew that he was inside. All she had to do was get up and knock on the front door. But did she really want to burden him with this?_

_But honestly, it didn't matter what she wanted. This was about what she needed, and she **needed **Toby. She climbed out of her car and walked up the walkway, knocking softly on the door. It only took a moment for the door to swing open, revealing the person that she was looking for. "Spencer?"_

_She immediately threw herself into his arms and buried her face into his neck. "I'm s-sorry," she stuttered, but she was completely incapable of pulling away from him right now. His arms around her were the only thing that was keeping her sane right now. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bombard you or anything, I just-"_

_"Shhh," he murmured, lifting her completely into his arms and walking into the house. She heard him say something to someone, presumably Caleb, but she couldn't bring herself to care about anything right now. Her heart was in her throat, and her limbs were trembling from the crown of her head to the tips of her toes. She always knew her parents weren't the greatest people, but this? She never would have believed this of them had she not seen it with her own eyes._

_Toby released her for a moment, but before she could protest he was back. He wrapped a thick comforter around her shoulders and wrapped his arms tightly around her body. He always knew exactly what she needed. Right now all she needed was to know that he was there... that he loved her and that he would never leave her. "I love you Spencer. I don't know what happened, but I promise you that will always be true. You'll always be the most important thing to me."_

_"My parents- They have another daughter," she murmured, grabbing one of his hands. Their hands fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. They were made for each other._

_He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "And you just found out? They never told you?"_

_"It's not just that," she whispered, her voice breaking. "They- God, they put the girl into a mental institution when she was 2, and they never looked back. They abandoned her to that life." She jumped as her phone vibrated. She pulled it out of her back pocket and sent it to voicemail when she saw that it was her mother._

_"That's- I- I don't want to talk badly about your parents, but that's awful." He kissed the top of her head. "What can I do to help you?"_

_"Just hold me," she whispered, leaning more heavily into him. "Don't let me go."_

_"I'll never leave you, Spencer. You'll never be alone. I promise you, no matter what, I'll always be there for you."_

"Spencer, please," he whispered, brushing his lips across her forehead. "Just show me that you're alright."

He was always there for her; even when she didn't remember, even when she was breaking his heart, he kept his promise. He always kept his promise.

"Toby," she sobbed, not even caring enough to be embarrassed. She shrugged out of his embrace just enough to tightly wrap her arms around his neck. "Oh God. Oh my God, I'm so sorry."

His face when she told him that she was going back to her parents... all the forlorn glances he threw her way... the way his voice broke when he begged her to not leave until he could explain his story to her. He had been through so much; _**she** _had put him through so much. But he was still here with his arms around her. Only in her worst nightmares could she imagine Toby not remembering her, not remembering everything they had gone through. But that had been his reality for the past few weeks. "Oh my God, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"What are you talking about, Spencer?" He pulled away and framed her face with his hands, his thumbs wiping her tears away. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Before he could say anything else she threw herself forward and attached her mouth to his, conveying all the passion and the emotions that she could. One of her hands fisted the back of his shirt and the other ran through his hair. Toby reacted in shock for just a moment before returning the kiss whole-heartedly.

He pulled away and rested his forehead on hers. "Spencer?" He breathed hopefully. "Spencer, you..."

She nodded and brushed her nose over his. "I remember everything."


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry about this chapter guys! It is not my best, but I wanted to get something up for all of you wonderful people. And I wanted what happens at the end to be in Spencer's POV so I had to stop there! Hope you enjoy anyway.**

Chapter 15

TPOV

As he made his way through the streets he watched the sun set with a smile ghosting across his lips. It had been a rough couple weeks, but things were finally starting to look up with Spencer. He had been doing it all wrong before. It didn't matter if she remembered the specific memories, they could make new ones. What mattered was that she remembered the feelings and emotions that were associated with their life together, and he could recreate those for her without saying a word. She was still the same person she was before, and there was every chance that she would grow to feel about him the way that she had before.

He knew what to do now.

As he pulled up the long driveway to the Hastings mansion he was struck by just how different this visit was when compared to his first visit.

_He slowed his motorcycle to a stop on the curb. Spencer's grip around his waist loosened and she leaned forward as far as her helmet would allow to speak with him. "You can pull into the driveway if you want. I don't want your bike to get hit or anything."_

_"Oh good. I was just making sure that you actually lived here and I wasn't pulling into a museum," he teased her. He knew she was insecure about her wealth, but he also knew from the tense set of her arms that she was nervous. Humor always helped to loosen her up slightly._

_"Shut up," she laughed, smacking him across the chest. She took her helmet off and held it against her side. "But seriously, pull up a little closer, okay? My Hastings approved heels will kill my feet if I try to walk this far in them."_

_"I could just carry you," he remarked. Any excuse to touch her, really. He skipped the whole dating thing when he was in high school, but there was something about Spencer that made him feel like a horny teenager, despite his nearly twenty years._

_"You'd like that," she laughed, squeezing his abs. "Let's get inside before my dad comes looking for us."_

_He nodded and turned around to lightly brush his lips across Spencer's. "I love you. I know you're nervous, but everything will be fine."_

_"I love you too," she murmured, tucking her face into his neck. "You're the only thing that makes seeing them alright."_

_When she said things like that his heart felt comparable to a mid-summer's night bonfire. His chest positively radiated with love for the girl clinging to his back. "Put your helmet back on," he told her, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice. But he wasn't moving an inch without her being as protected as she could be. _

_He was nervous to meet her parents. He was so nervous, but she was more important than his own feelings. She needed him right now, and nothing would stop him from being there for her._

He was so nervous that night. He knew where he stood with Spencer, and he was naive enough to believe that he had a shot at earning the approval of her parents. But right now he was full of hope for what was still to come. He still loved Spencer, probably more now than he ever had... but for the first time he was starting to wonder if she might learn to love him again, with or without her memories

He pulled up to the curb, ironically in almost exactly the same spot he had parked with Spencer years ago. He felt certain that he wouldn't stay as long as those who had parked in the driveway would want to stay, but he would make an appearance for Spencer's sake.

But speaking of Spencer, he was starting to wish that they had agreed upon a meeting location. He had forgotten that their grounds were larger than most parks, and he had no idea where to look. He didn't even know where to start. But just as he pull his phone out to call her he caught a flash of brown running across the yard.

He almost smiled until he saw the tear tracks on her face. His protective nature was always on high when it came to Spencer, but that was only exacerbated now that she was in a perpetual vulnerable state. Whether it were her parents, Alex, or even Melissa... he would destroy anyone that hurt her right now. At her hard tumble to the ground his heart twisted and he took off running to her. He didn't care who saw or what it looked like. All that mattered was getting to her.

His arms wrapped around her as soft, comforting words dropped from his lips. He didn't know what he was saying, and if they were helping her she gave no indication. So he did all that he knew to do and pulled her firmly against him. "Is it your head? Do I need to take you back to the hospital?"

Visions of what could be danced through his head with renewed vigor. Was she relapsing? Was her injury flaring up again? Had someone hurt her? "Please Spencer. Please just let me see that you're okay."

"Toby," she sobbed in a way that sounded like both a statement and a question at the same time. She threw herself into his arms like he was her life preserver in a raging ocean. "Oh God. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry."

He was genuinely confused. She had already needlessly apologized for last night. There was nothing else she could possibly believe she had done wrong. "What are you talking about, Spencer?" He pulled away and took her face in his hands. She was crying and he didn't like it. He gently brushed away the tears that were lingering on her face. "Are you alright?"

She looked at him for a moment with her tear filled eyes, and for the first time in awhile he felt like she was actually seeing him. Before he could question her further she launched herself at him and soundly pressed her lips to his own in what might have been the most passionate kiss that he had ever experienced. Love, acceptance, and apology radiated from her for every second their lips were connected. Their tears intermingled, and he only pulled away when he was forced to breath. "Spencer?" He breathed, not wanted to be too hopeful but unable to help it. "Spencer, you-"

She smiled softly and nodded. "I remember everything."

A grin slowly spread across his face as he fully comprehended her words. _She remembered. _She remembered him, and everything would be okay again. He wouldn't have to go to bed at night and wake up the next morning having forgotten that his wife no longer knew who he was and having to accept it all over again. He wouldn't have to watch her look at him indifferently anymore. He wouldn't have to watch her kiss other guys. He wouldn't have to do any of that because she came back to him. _She came back to him._

A noise that was half sob, half laugh slipped through his lips as he leaned down to kiss her. She leaned in eagerly, and they stayed like that for several minutes until an unfamiliar voice interrupted him. "Is this why you left me? So you could make out like a teenager with this tool?"

Spencer pulled away and shot the guy and dirty look. "Leave, Alex." She gave Toby a side glance before tightening her hands around his.

"I was actually invited here, Spencer. I sincerely doubt that he was."

It took a second to connect the dots, but he realized that this was Alex, her ex. The guy that kissed her in the restaurant. And he was with her before he got there. He was the one that made her cry? Before he even realized what he was doing he made to rise to his feet. He didn't know what he'd do exactly, but he knew this guy deserved a sound ass kicking. He didn't like when any guy disrespected **any **girl. But he wouldn't allow it when it came to Spencer.**  
**

Spencer tightened her grip on his hands and shook her head. As much as he wanted to ignore her and destroy this guy he nodded reluctantly and settled for an intimidating glare. And if he took even a single step forward he would destroy him.

"I'm giving you one last chance to go before I react," she said softly.

Toby studied her face, not sure what emotion she was feeling there. Usually he could read her like a book, but right now he didn't know what she was feeling. His fingers stroked the back of her hand in what was hopefully both a calming and a soothing gesture. "Spence, let's just go..."

"Yeah," Alex snorted. "Go home to your little impoverished life on the other side of town. You stink of poverty now, Spencer."

His insult was akin to a twelve year old's, but he knew it hurt her by the way her body stiffened. But before he could react Spence pulled herself to her feet and swung her arm back and into his face before either of the boys knew what was happening. She looked like she was going to go in for a second punch so he stood up and gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against his chest. "Let it go, Spence. Let's go home."

She glanced back at him and back at Alex. "I know your words are coming from a place of pain right now, but I won't let anyone talk to me like that. Not anymore. I'm not the girl that you remember, and I'm never going back there again."

She didn't wait for a response from him before shrugging out of Toby's grasp and walking purposefully toward the house. He ran after her without a second thought. "Spencer, what are you doing?"

"Getting my suitcase," she said simply.

That might have worked on other people, but it wasn't going to work on him. He knew her too well. "Spencer," he sighed. "Funny story, but I don't believe you."

She smirked back at him. "I just want to talk to my parents really fast."

That wasn't going to end well, but he found himself unwilling to deny her anything. If she wanted to confront the parents who had been lying to her for weeks he wasn't going to stop her.


	16. Chapter 16

**Gotta go to work! Real quick. Next chapter, boom!**

**Two more to go, I think. Review, pretty please!**

Chapter 16

SPOV

She fought to keep her voice light hearted for Toby, but she was seething on the inside. How dare they lie to her? How dare they keep this to themselves? But honestly, she was the most angry about the manipulative bull shit her mother sprouted off about Toby. Her parents lied about Bethany for years, what else could she expect? But they **_knew_ **how she felt about Toby, and she was absolutely livid that her mother deliberately manipulated the truth to make her doubt him.

"Spencer," his voice said softly from behind her.

The tense set of her shoulders lessened at the sound of his voice. There was something about his dulcet baritone that set her mind and body at ease, but it didn't have quite its usual effect today. She was too angry.

"Spence," he tried again, this time wrapping a gentle hand around her wrist. Most people would bristle at the unwanted physical contact, but she wilted against him. She turned and rested heavily against his chest. "There you go. I know you want to talk to your parents, and I won't stop you. But take a moment to think it through."

She took in a deep breath of his characteristic woodsy smell before chancing any words. "I know you said that I don't need to apologize, but I do. Not for losing my memories, I couldn't help that. But for dredging up all of your history with Jenna, for not believing in you. I'm so sorry, Toby." She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, but she blinked them back.

"You didn't know me, sweetheart. You didn't know." The feeling of his fingers in her hair caused her to lean further into him.

"I didn't know the Toby that I know _now," _she tried to explain, "but I had seen your personality. I should have known."

"Spencer," he breathed out in a way that was so heartfelt it brought renewed tears to his eyes.

But he was unable to finished because the voice belonging to the person that she was looking for spoke from behind them. "Spencer, what are you doing? What is he doing here?"

All that tension that Toby had eradicated was back. She turned to look at her mother with fire in her eyes. "He came to get me. I'm leaving, and you can expect it to be permanent this time."

She reached behind her for Toby's hand, and he immediately intertwined her fingers with hers. With his support she could do anything. Her mother took a small step forward, causing Spencer to mirror her movements and take a step back and into Toby's chest. If she touched her she had no idea how she'd react, but she knew that it wouldn't be good.

"What are you talking about, Spencer? I told you what he did, and-"

"You don't need to keep lying to me. I remember everything now," she said. "And unless you want the entirety of your party guests to hear what I'm about to say then we need to go into your office."

"Spencer-"

"**Now,**" she snapped. She turned around and walked into her mother's downstairs office, keeping a tight grip on Toby's hand. She needed him with her right now, because he was the only thing that made this okay. He gave her the courage to do what she needed to do, to say what she needed to say. But he also grounded her. He reminded her of who she was.

As soon as they were in the room she dropped Toby's hand and began to pace back and forth. She was mad at her dad, furious actually. But it was her mother who actively lied to and manipulated her, who too advantage of her injury. Toby was nothing but his typical sweet self. He refused to talk badly about her parents, and he told her nothing that would unfairly color her opinions of other people. But her mother? She manipulated the information that she had to make her doubt and question her husband.

"What's the temper tantrum about, Spencer?" She sighed and shut the door behind her, like Spencer was nothing but a petulant teenager.

"About ten minutes ago all of my memories came back, **all of them. **I remember everything," she said, trying to keep her voice even but it rose an octave toward the end. "I remember everything, and I've never been more disappointed in having you as a mother."

"I apologize for stepping out of line, but I truly felt that I was acting in your best interest."

"Bull shit," she hissed. "Complete and utter bull shit like everything else you sprout off. Didn't you ever stop to think that maybe I had more information than you did? Didn't you ever stop to think that it was Toby's story to tell, not yours?"

"Spencer, I-"

"No," she yelled. And by the shock present on her face Spencer was struck by just how different she was compared to the girl that her mother knew. She would stand up for herself, and she would be damned if she ever let anyone hurt Toby like that. "No, you don't get to try to justify it. There is no justifying you. I was _hurt. _I could have **died. **I was laying, broken, in a hospital bed. And instead of being the mother that I **needed **you decided to take advantage of the situation. You left out what you actually did in regard to Bethany, and you made up things that Toby didn't do. And-" she paused, swallowing harshly to hold back her tears. "And I don't think that I can ever forgive you for that."**  
**

Her mother moved toward her, but Spencer immediately stumbled backward away from her outstretched hands. "Do not touch me."

Toby's hands wrapped around her forearms, steadying her before she could crash into the floor. She glanced back at him and the tender, compassionate look in his eyes brought her as near to tears as she had been all night. How could she have ever thought badly of her gentle, kind husband? How could she have ever thought him capable of hurting another human being.

"Let's just go, Spencer. You're hurting right now, and I don't want you to say anything that you'll regret," Toby whispered to her. "Let's go home."

She nodded, having said everything that she needed to say. She let Toby lead her out the door, her heart hurting... not for what she lost. She never had much of a family here, but for what she had missed out on. But she wasn't without family. She found her family when she went off to Penn State, and she wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. "Toby?"

"Hmm?" He asked her, his lips against her temple. But before she could ask her question he laughed softly. "Sorry, I- God, Spence I'm just so happy you're back."

Her parents may have never quite loved her the way that she deserved, but Toby consistently loved her much more than she deserved; so she supposed that it all balanced out . "I love you. You haven't heard that nearly enough the past few weeks. I love you so much, Toby. And I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you by my side."

He gave her her favorite smile and opened his mouth to presumably return her sentiment. But he was interrupted by her sister's desperate shout from the top of the stairs. "Spencer, wait!" She stumbled down the overly ornate spiral staircase with her suitcase behind her. She passed it off to its proper owner before wrapping her arms around her neck. "Please don't cut me out again."

"Oh Mel," she murmured, "I never meant to before. It just- kind of happened. Call me tomorrow, okay? We'll talk."

"I will. Maybe we can get lunch?"

"I'd like that," she replied softly. "And... I think I'm going to go visit Bethany again if you want to come. She's sweet."

Melissa chewed on her lip for a second before nodding. "I think that's something that I need to do."

Spencer grinned and leaned in to kiss her sister's cheek. "It's a plan. Talk to you tomorrow." She shot her sister one last smile before leaning into Toby's side and letting him lead her out of the house.

"I love you too, by the way," he whispered. "You're the first person who accepted me for exactly who I am, and that's not something that I'll ever be able to forget. I love you."

She smiled, wanting nothing more than to pin him against his new truck and kiss him soundly, but she knew that was probably a terrible idea considering they were in her parents' backyard. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything," he replied without hesitation. She knew he'd do anything for her, but now it was a source of comfort, not anxiety, because she knew that she returned those sentiments. There wasn't a single thing that she wouldn't do for that boy.

"Can you call Han and ask her and Caleb to meet us at home? I owe her an apology too, and telling someone your memories are back isn't something that you do over the phone."

He rolled his eyes and nodded. "Although I doubt she wants to accept your apology any more than I did."

She shook her head and tuned out Toby's low voice as they began the short drive back to their apartment. She was back, and she wasn't going anywhere ever again.

_Her fingers wrapped more securely around Toby's hand as the four of them walked through the woods to get back to their camp site. Camping wasn't necessarily her idea of a good time, but her friends wanted to do it. She supposed she could suck it up and try to enjoy it for their sake._

_"You doing alright, Spence?"_

_The sucking it up wouldn't work in Toby's case. He knew her aversion to sleeping outside, with just a piece of cloth protecting them from the wilderness. But she could be a good sport. And she knew he would keep her safe. "I'm fine. It's actually not as bad as I thought." Maybe her lies there could count as a public service, because anything that caused the grin that just appeared on Toby Cavanaugh's face was only doing good._

_As the found their tents again she plopped on the ground with Hanna, looking up at the sky, while the boys worked on putting together the fire. Her head was on Hanna's stomach, and her jacket was under Hanna's head. Hanna's fingers absentmindedly played with her hair as the two of them looked up at the stars together._

_"That one is Cassiopeia," Spencer explained to her friend. "She was the queen of Ethiopia, and she was incredibly vain. She's supposed to be sitting on her throne, so she probably loved that."_

_"I don't know," Hanna laughed, sending comforting vibrations through Spencer's skull. "It has to get tiresome knowing that people are thinking you're all egotistical or whatever. Maybe she would regret it now." She pointed at another grouping of stars. "What's that one?"_

_"I actually don't think that's anything," Spencer said, racking her brain for her knowledge of astronomy. "Nothing I know of anyway."_

_"Then let's claim it. That's the Hanna and Spencer constellation."_

_Spencer laughed and sat up. "I'm not sure it works like that Han."_

_"I'm making the rules. That's the Hanna and Spencer constellation, because we're going to be friends forever... setting the best example of friendship for all of human kind. Way better than some bitter old queen."_

She was torn from her memories by her door being pulled open, and a loud screech filled her ears. It only took a flash of blonde and the familiar arms around her waist for her to realize that she was home. "Han," she said softly, wrapped her arms around her neck. "Hanna, I'm so sorry."

"You're back?" She asked, not bothering to keep her voice down. "You're really and seriously back?"

"I'm back," Spencer couldn't stop her laughter as Hanna tightened her grip and screeched again.

Everything would be okay.


	17. Chapter 17

**I love writing internal Spencer dialogues like the one at the end :). It's one of my favorite things!**

**THIS STORY IS SO CLOSE TO 200 reviews! OMG. If it gets to 200 before the end I'll freak out! I think that the next chapter SHOULD be the last, but it also has the potential to be SUPER long so I might break it into two! Expect it in the next couple days!**

Chapter 17

SPOV

"And you seriously punched him? Spencer Hastings punched him? Are you sure you didn't get a brain transplant?"

She laughed and pulled her legs up to her chest. She was leaning heavily against Toby, knowing that he couldn't want distance anymore than she did. But her eyes were trained on Hanna's face as she recounted their evening. "He deserved it! It was the second time the hormonal idiot tried to kiss me. I told him I didn't want it!" She rolled her eyes dramatically, leaning up and backwards to give Toby a quick kiss, reminding him that she **did **want him. "I don't know what I ever saw in him."

"Stability and parental approval," Hanna suggested with a laugh. "Either way, I'm glad that you gave that smug bastard what he deserved."

"So, this little reunion is cute and all, but can we please go get some pizza?" Caleb interrupted, his sentence punctuated by a pronounced growl from his stomach.

She laughed and nodded. "I could use a pizza."

"Can we just order one?" Hanna whined. "I don't want to put real pants on," she gestured to her Spongebob pajama bottoms.

Spencer looked down at her Patrick Star pajamas. Hanna insisted that they wear their best friend pajamas as a celebration of her return, and she didn't really want to change either. "I could get behind that idea."

"Fine you lazy bums," Caleb sighed dramatically. But the wide smile on his face made it obvious he wasn't upset. "I'll go get us some food."

"Thank you, sweetie," she sang, grabbing his arm and pulling him down for a kiss.

She rolled her eyes and leaned back to look up at Toby. He grinned and dropped down to kiss her. "I'm so glad you're okay," he murmured, his forehead on hers.

"Thanks for never giving up on me," she whispered, only to him. Where would she be had Toby given up? Because she knew for certain that part of the reason her memories came back was because she knew that it was safe to remember, that Toby would always be there for her.

"Would you guys stop being so adorable before I puke everywhere?" Hanna laughed, nudging Spencer with her foot.

"Woman!" Spencer shrieked, burrowing herself deeper into Toby's arms. "Your feet are freezing. Put some socks on."

She smiled softly to herself as one of her favorite memories passed through her mind.

_"Wake up!"_

_Spencer groaned, burying her face in Toby's chest. She could feel his arms tightening around her, but she was still in that stage between being awake and asleep. She couldn't make her mouth work other than to let out a garbled groan of protest. "Mmmmm."_

_"Hanna," Toby whined. "Go away. Is it even morning?"_

_"Well, it's 4 am, so it technically is," she yanked the blanket off of them. "Get up! Caleb's making coffee and hot chocolate, so just get up!"_

_When the cold air met her bare skin she shivered, moving as close to Toby as she could. The boy was a human furnace. "Hanna, go away. And give the blanket back before I get hypothermia."_

_"No!" She protested, grabbing Spencer's hands and yanking her up and out of Toby's arms. "Spencer Jill Hastings, it is the second semester of our senior year. I have no idea what the future's going to bring, but what I do know is that we're here together right now. And we're going to make some memories. Get dressed, and no funny business. I'm going to be back in here in ten minutes, and I don't want to have to wash my brain out with bleach."_

_When she let go of her Spencer immediately flopped back down on the bed and cuddled into Toby. The slamming of the door behind Hanna caused her to start slightly. "We're going to have to get up, aren't we?"_

_"I think so," he chuckled. He pulled her up and snagged one of his hoodies on a chair next to the bed. He gently pulled it over her head and helped her to her feet. "You think we can accomplish whatever it is Hanna's wanting in our pajamas?"_

_"I think I don't care either way," she mumbled, her face still buried in his chest. A lazy smile stretched across her lips as she felt his fingers running through her hair._

_Sometimes she forgot how lucky she was. She had a boyfriend who loved her for exactly who she was. So many people wait their entire lives for what she found so quickly in Toby. He loved her and supported her unconditionally, and she knew with no doubts that they would spend the rest of their lives together. She didn't worry about him cheating on her. She didn't worry about him losing interest. All he had to do was look down at her with his hooded, blue eyes and she would see exactly what he felt for her. And she loved him in equal measure._

_And Hanna? Hanna was the best friend she ever had, her sister. She knew what she was feeling before she ever said it, and she pulled out her fun side. As evidenced by this morning, she never let Spencer be too boring. Even Caleb... he was the big brother who she always wished that she had. The one that would have defended her to her parents and snuck her out of the house so they could get up to no good._

_How had she ever gotten by without them?_

_"Okay! Here's the plan!" Hanna exclaimed as she shoved a travel mug of coffee into her hands. "Those stereotypical slutty kids already built a snowman in their bikinis or whatever. So not fun. What's fun about hypothermia and death?"_

_"That's not a plan, Han," Caleb said in amusement. "Want to fill the rest of us in?"_

_"Wait you don't know?" Spencer laughed. "How did she convince you to wake up?"_

_"She dropped an ice cube down my pants and bounced away laughing her ass off. And I mean there was no way I was going back to sleep after that, so I went on coffee duty. And there comes a time when you just stop questioning her and go with it." He shrugged and passed Toby a coffee._

_"Hanna," she whined, "tell us the plan or I'm taking my human furnace and going back to bed."_

_"No!" She protested with a laugh. "Okay, so I want to build a better snow man than the slutty bikini girls. It will actually resemble a person, and we need the brains," she gestured to Spencer, "the muscle," she pointed to Toby, "and the eye candy." She leaned up and quickly pecked Caleb on the cheek._

_She glanced up at Toby who shrugged. He would do whatever she wanted to do so she nodded tiredly and followed Hanna outside, keeping her body tucked into Toby's to share in his warmth._

_What they did wasn't as clear in the mind as the emotions she felt, and the motions they went through. She remembered the warmth that rushed through her whole body as Toby dipped her back and kissed her soundly with the fat snow flakes drifting down around them, transforming their dull and dreary February into a renewed winter wonderland. She remembered the joy she felt as she and Caleb pummeled Hanna and Toby with their hastily prepared plethora of snowballs. She remembered the love that filled her heart and nearly sent her to her knees as Toby pulled his sweatshirt off underneath his coat and wrapped it around her already heavily layered, shivering shoulders. It was something so simple, but so genuinely kind. The most prominent part of that memory was the feeling of Toby's calloused hand brushing her happy tears off of her cheeks. He didn't understand why she was emotional, yet he still took care of her with such love and tenderness. She remembered the pride they shared as they took in their finished product. Their teamwork was unparalleled, and their snow man destroyed the bikini girls'._

_But more than anything, she remembered the contentment and comforting sense of belonging she felt. These were her people. These were the people that loved her for who she was, who would unwaveringly defend her in the face of anything, who would take care of her if she was hurting or sick; and she would do the same for any single one of them. _

_It took her 17 years, but she found her family and she was never letting them go._

"Spencer! Snap out of it and help me," Hanna laughed.

She opened her eyes and barked out a laugh as she saw her best friend over her husband's shoulder. She had no idea what had happened, but she loved that she had a group of friends that were unafraid of behaving like a bunch of children. "Sorry Han, but I'm kind of enjoying the view," she laughed, unashamedly ogling the back of Toby's body. Her husband was ripped. She loved him for so many reasons that far surpassed his physical appearance, but it was certainly an added bonus.

Toby looked over his shoulder and shot her a grin, totally oblivious to Hanna's pounding fists on his chest. "Glad to know that you've been just using me for my body this entire time, Spence."

"Rough life, Cavanaugh," she laughed. "If you get fat I might have to run off with Caleb."

"Spencer you aren't supposed to tell them about our secret love affair," Caleb groaned from behind them.

She jumped slightly having not heard him come inside, but immediately smoothed her shocked face out into an easy smile. "Sorry, baby. I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer. But don't worry, now we can run away together without the debilitating guilt."

"Caleb?" Toby turned to face his friend, still holding onto Hanna. "Say it isn't so? You didn't steal my girl out from under me?"

"Sorry, Toby," Caleb laughed. "I can't help that she found my long, greasy hair and computer prowess to be irresistible. Don't worry, you can have Hanna. She's kind of alright."

"Excuse you!" Hanna protested, momentarily forgetting that she was being held captive.

She shook her head and walked into the kitchen snagging herself a piece of pizza. "No sausage," she cheered, happy that Caleb remembered her disdain for the popular pizza topping.

"Yeah, I think you turned me off of sausage for life. Now every time I see it I think of little brains. It's disgusting."

"Toby," Hanna whined. "Let me down."

"Will you put some socks on and stop being a buzz kill? Cause honestly, there's not a whole lot more I want to do than kiss my wife," he chuckled, lowering her to the ground.

The smolder in his eyes caused all thoughts of pizza to leave her mind. She sat her slice down on the table, grabbed his hand, and pulled him down the hallway and into their bedroom. Hanna let out a loud whistle, but she ignored it. That's not what she was after, even though she wouldn't exactly be opposed were it to happen. Toby shut the door behind them and looked down at her questioningly.

She smiled and leaned into his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around him. "I love you," she whispered. "I just- I love you so much. I needed to tell you that, and I didn't exactly want an audience."

His arms slowly wound around her waist. "Love you too. Are you doing alright?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I- God, I just can't even begin to imagine everything I put you through. I'm so sorry."

"I already told you-"

"That it wasn't my fault," she completed for him. "I know you said that, but I can't help but feel guilty." He opened his mouth to respond, but she continued as though she didn't notice. "But I also need to make sure you fully understand how grateful I am to you and for you."

"Spencer, it's not necessary. I know how you feel, and you know I feel the same way." He smoothed her hair back and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"No, Toby it is. Because you don't understand." She leaned against him for long moment before continuing. "When I couldn't remember everything was dark. It was like someone turned the lights out in parts of my mind. Things that were so obviously near and dear to my heart were just gone. I was- I was _terrified. _But you were perfect, baby. You- you never got frustrated with me. You patiently explained the answers to my questions, and you held me when I was going to fall. You didn't let my assumptions and judgments deter you from being there for me. You never left me, even when other people would have. When my **family **would have. And I just- Toby, I-" she trailed off, unable to continue. But really, what else would she say? What else _could _she say? "You're just everything, Toby. I don't know what I'd do without you. _Thank you."_

He didn't do anything for a moment. He was unnaturally still until he wasn't. One of his hands left her waist to support the back of her neck as her drew her in for a passionate kiss. Their lips moved together like they were made for that very purpose. They fit together like they were two halves to a whole. He was her other half, her soul mate, her e_verything. _She had never been more sure of anything._  
_

When they broke apart for air Toby's forehead lingered against hers. "Spence," he breathed. Goosebumps erupted along her skin at the tender and heartfelt way her name slipped between his lips. "Spencer," he repeated. "You don't have to that me for that. You talk like it was a hardship, but there isn't a life for me without you. Not anymore. Obviously I wanted you to remember, but it didn't matter if you never did. I would have spent the rest of my life by your side, helping you to fill in the blanks. You literally saved my life more than once, this was the absolute least I could do for you, baby."

She started to shake her head, but he silenced her with nothing more than a look before continuing. "You know it's true whether you want to admit it or not, Spencer. My past with Jenna would have sent anyone else running, but not only did you believe me, you _defended _me. You protected me in a way that I had never experienced, so don't think it was just me, Spencer. Everything you're feeling is something that I've felt at one point or another. And I-"

This time it was her cutting his words off with a kiss. She loved him. God, she loved him. Just when she thought she was on full, that there wasn't room for any more love, he proved her wrong. More and more and more. She loved him more and more every single day. "I love you so much," she whispered. She had already said that, but she could repeat the words every minute of the day and it still wouldn't be enough to express what she felt for him.

In the past she felt herself incapable of love. Hastings didn't hug. They didn't say things as fickle or illogical as I love you to each other. They showed each other that they cared by purchasing lavish gifts and complementing their intellectual pursuits. But it wasn't that way with Toby. She would love him even if he didn't have a penny to his name. She loved him when he succeeded and she loved him when he failed miserably. She **loved **him, and that would never change. Nothing could break them apart.

She was finally home.


	18. Chapter 18

**Toby's dream at the beginning. I just don't even know where it came from, but it popped into my head and I went with it. They guy's protective by nature, and let's be real? If something like this happened he'd lose his mind, and this just seemed good for the situation.**

**Last chapter got five reviews, a new low for the story. I don't want to be one of those people... but it's hard to motivate yourself to write when you aren't getting a response! Or maybe last chapter just sucked, I don't know.**

**This chapter was supposed to be VERY different, but Toby had a lot of thoughts. ANYWAYS. Thank you so much for all your love and support throughout this story. It's honestly blown me away. I love you all, and I hope to see you again on my next story!**

**WHICH WILL BE a prequel to Let's Go Back to the Start. It will be sad. You will cry. But it will also have a level of Spoby beauty that I'm not sure I have ever reached in a story. I'm really excited for it and I hope to see you there. It should be posted by the end of the weekend. Then you can expect the next chapter of Hold Me Close While I Breath You shortly after that.**

**Review, please?**

Chapter 18

TPOV

_He looked around the nondescript room. He didn't know where he was, but he wasn't immediately concerned. It was almost relaxing to be placed in such a tranquil environment._

_"Toby?"_

_He smiled softly to himself. And the one person who could make it perfect was there. He turned around, and his smile almost immediately slid off of his face. A hooded figure silently approached her from behind. "Spencer!"_

_But it was too late. A large arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her securely into the black hoodie clad chest. The other arm wrapped around her forearm, the fingers digging in so deeply that they were sure to leave bruises in their wake. Their face was hidden by a hood pulled low over their forehead. "Spencer!" He repeated, starting toward them. _

_She struggled against the unrelenting arms, looking up at him with terror in the fathomless brown. But his pursuit and her struggles stopped as her faceless captor brought a glinting knife to her neck._

_"No," he halted a few feet away. "No, please."_

_A tear trailed down Spencer's cheek as she stared straight at him, piercing him straight through the heart. This couldn't be happening. "Just let her go. Please. If you want to hurt someone, I'm right here. And I'm closer to your size; a fair fight."  
_

_"Toby, shut up," she whispered. He could hear the tears and the fear in her voice, only increasing his desire to protect her._

_He watched in horror as her captor's arm moved and the knife dug slightly into her skin, and as a result a thin trail of blood streamed down her neck. She squeezed her eyes shut and bit on her lip in an obvious attempt to hide her pain._

_What was he supposed to do? He could take this guy down, he was sure of it. The rage bubbling up on his stomach was probably to the point that he could lift a car over his head and toss it down a cliff. Spencer was tough as hell, but she was also so small. She would destroy anyone in an intellectual battle, and she could hold her own in a fight against someone her own size. But this? This wasn't fair._

_He was sure he could take the guy down, but should he risk it? Because there was every chance that she could get hurt in the process, and he wasn't sure he could forgive himself for that. But was there any other option? This guy was going to hurt her. He at least had to try to stop it._

_Before he even realized what he was doing he lunged forward, intending on grabbing Spencer and throwing her out of the way. The man wielding the knife must have anticipated his actions because he agilely dodged his movements, bringing Spencer with him. He looked up for a second before looking back down at Spencer, plunging the knife into her stomach three times._

_She let out a kind of choked gasp and curled up on herself as he pushed her into Toby like he expected Toby to run after him. But he had effectively done the one thing he could have done to ensure that didn't happen. He caught Spencer easily and lowered her to the ground. Tears were running down his cheeks, but he paid them no mind. She was all that mattered right now. "Spencer! No, Spencer, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."_

_She was trying to talk, but instead of words coming out she coughed up a smattering of blood. "No. No, no, no. Spencer, no. Please just stay awake. Stay with me baby. Stay with me."_

_Her eyes drifted shut. He could see her fighting it, but it was a fight that she was losing. "No! Spencer!"_

_"I-I'm s-sorry."_

He woke up with a start, the sun hurting his sleep weary eyes. Sweat pooled on his forehead and his limbs were trembling. The soft weight on his chest told him what he already suspected, but that he couldn't wrap his mind around. Spencer was fine. She was alive, and it was just a dream. He was amazed that the violent heaving of his chest and his shaking arms weren't waking her up, but he was grateful. He needed to calm down before she saw him like that.

Because the thought of Spencer cold, hurting, bleeding... it was enough to send him to his knees. She was his wife. She would deny it with every breath that she took, but he was supposed to be there for her, to take care of her. He was supposed to protect her. He knew that he was having a resurgent of these kind of dreams because of what they had just gone through, because he nearly lost her. If only he had seen that stupid car before it hit them... if only he had suggested they walked to the coffee shop instead of driven. He could have stopped it.

But as he looked down at her he wasn't worried about the past, he was no longer focused on what could have been. Because she was there. She was in his arms. Her head was against his heart, and he could feel her steady breathing. She was okay. _She came back to him._

And God, she was so beautiful. She was so, so beautiful. He looked at her shiny, sleep mussed brown hair until he had ever part of it memorized. The auburn hues that appeared when the sun hit it just right, the lighter colored highlights that were hidden unless you were looking for them, the curls that were making an appearance as yesterday's hair straightening wore off. And her eyes. He couldn't see them right now, but that didn't matter. He had looked into them enough that he was certain he had them memorized, every fleck of color, every eyelash... he had them all forever committed to his memory. He never understood how something could look both as deep as the ocean but full of emotions, stories, and secrets. There wasn't a single part of her that he didn't love with every single part of his heart and soul. His heart was hers now and forever.

He could tell by the way she nuzzled her face into his chest that she was starting to slowly wake up. When she slept she slept like the dead, no movements at all. "Spence?" He whispered, tenderly cupping his hand around the back of her neck.

She tightened the relaxed arm that she had flung around his waist. That's when he really knew that she was awake, because she would start to give into the embrace as soon as she was aware and conscious. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and breathed slowly and deeply, still working on recovering from the worst nightmare he had had in recent memory.

"What's wrong?" she mumbled. If he hadn't had years of practice he never would have understood her garbled morning words.

He rolled his eyes. He always forgot that she knew him just as well as he knew her, but it was ridiculous that she could tell that he was upset already. "Why do you think that I'm upset?"

"Tense arms, face buried in my hair, and you actually said my name instead of letting me wake up on my own. But you better not stop doing your tells now, Toby," she warned, punctuating her demand with a quick yawn. She nudged her way out of his secure embrace and hovered over him, supporting herself on her forearms. "Now, tell me what's wrong."

"I just had a bad dream," he murmured. He lifted a hand to her face and traced his fingers along her jawline.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," he murmured, replacing his fingers with a soft brush of his lips. "I just- I can't lose you Spencer. I know how it feels now, and- I just can't lose you."

She looked at him for a long moment before dipping down and kissing him sweetly. "That's never going to happen, Toby."

"But-"

She shook her head, obviously knowing exactly what he was about to say. "I was gone for a little while, but I came back. I'll a_lways _come back to you, Toby."_  
_

He his tense frown slowly turned into a small smile. "I love you so much. I hope you know that."

"I love you too," she laughed. "Are you okay now?"

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her down onto the bed. Her playful giggles made his stomach flutter. Knowing that he could make her happy like that, that he could inspire love in her... that was all that he needed. He needed for her to be happy and with him. Everything else was just bonus. "I'm perfect."

She nodded and chewed on her bottom lip. There was obviously something on her mind, something she was debating whether or not to share. "What is it, Spence?"

Her eyes flickered up to meet his after only a moment of hesitation. "I want to do something. And I was wondering if you wanted to come with me."

"Of course," he murmured, his lips making a soft and steady trail from the tender spot behind her ear to her shoulder. Did she really think that he'd say no? "But where are we going?"

She leaned into him and ran her fingers through his hair. She squirmed down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips before gently bringing their foreheads together. "I want to go to the accident site. I know it'll be rough, but-"

He cut her off with a kiss, this one slightly more passionate than any they had shared this morning. He wanted to say so much to her. He wanted to tell her how proud he was of her. He wanted to tell her that he had never met someone stronger, but he couldn't bring himself to move his lips from hers. The few weeks that he spent without her were hell on earth, but even this was enough to remedy any lingering feelings of doubt and uncertainty. She was here in his arms, and that was more than enough.

* * *

It took them awhile convince themselves that leaving the bed was the best idea, but once they managed to get into the car it only took a moment to arrive at the scene. Spencer's hand immediately went into his, squeezing his fingers painfully. He let her hold onto his as tightly as she needed to as he pulled over to the side of the road. "We don't have to do this if you don't want too."

"No, I think we need to. Not just me, you too." She grabbed his hand and lift it to her lips, brushing them across his calloused knuckles. "We need this to move on."

He nodded, looking at her and waiting for her to make the first move. She glanced at him, meeting his eyes for a brief moment before pushing out the door. He was immediately by her side, their arms locking around each other simultaneously. "I- I don't remember much," she murmured into his chest. "I know we were going to get coffee, but everything after that is a blur."

"Do you want me to tell you what I remember?" He asked, not sure what she wanted but as he felt her nod against his chest he struggled to remember the exact details of that night. "We were just talking, making small talk. We crossed that intersection right there, and instead of stopping at the stop sign a large truck ran it and slammed into your side of the truck."

He paused at her sharp intake of breath. "You alright?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "Keep going."

He pressed his lips to her forehead before continuing. "I watched your head bounce off the window, and I about lost it then. But before I could lean over to help you the truck started to flip. I didn't know what way was up or down. All I knew was that the world needed to right itself so that I could help you. When it finally stopped all I remember was seeing how still you were and being worried by the amount of blood before I passed out."

His chest ached while her tears soaked into his shirt. He lowered the two of them onto the curb and hid his face in her hair. "I love you, Spencer. I love you more than anything in the world, and I swear to you that I'll always keep you safe."

SPOV

How was she supposed to tell him that it wasn't so much herself that she was worried about? How was she supposed to tell him that she lived every day with the crippling fear of losing him. Even before she remembered she knew it wasn't an option. She knew that she couldn't get through this without him. She couldn't get through life without him. "Never leave me," she murmured. "Please never leave me."

She hated being so vulnerable, but it was like the words fell from her lips of their own accord. Being here, being in this place was doing that to her. Being in the place where she came as close as she ever wanted to to losing everything that mattered necessitated a bit of reassurance.

"Never," he whispered against her hair. "I'll never leave you. Forever, baby." His arms tightened around her until she was almost in his lap. "I'll always be here."

"Do you think we can move past this?" She was scared, she was actually terrified. Because she remembered. Toby was holding her, and she was okay again. But she couldn't let go of the horrors that had befallen them. She couldn't let go of what could have been. She could have lost Toby. She could have been lost to him forever. Her memories may have never come back. "I just- I'm scared, Toby."

"I am too," he admitted softly. "I'm terrified. My dream earlier? It was about losing you, and I am living with that constant fear. Every morning I wake up I'm so scared that you'll have forgotten again. When I close my eyes I see you dying in the car accident or some other violent way. I just- I'm really scared."

"Then what do we do?" Her voice was small. She wasn't used to not having the answers.

"I think we just live. We put this behind us and we _live. _I love you, and you love me. We're here and we're together. That's the most important thing," he said. "Do you remember the first night we spent together?"

She barked out a shaky laugh at the memory. They were so adorably awkward.

_She woke up with a weight on her face. She immediately knew what it was, because it wasn't the first time that she fell asleep with a textbook on her face. She was such a nerd, but when she had a successful career she would appreciate her hard work. She sat up slowly and was hindered by an unexpected weight around her waist._

_A quick look to her right colored her face in embarrassment. **Toby. **The night before rushed back to her with alarming clarity. The two of them had sat on her bed, cramming all night for their 2 pm Calculus midterm. But they must have fallen asleep mid-study session._

_Trying to save herself and Toby some unnecessary embarrassment she slid out from under his arm and off the bed, but her movements must have jostled him. "Spencer?" He glanced over at her. "Have you been awake all night?"_

_"Mmm," she groaned tiredly, shaking her head no. "I fell asleep right after you did."_

_"Are you ready for the test?" He yawned._

_His words shot a surge of panic through her stomach. She never prepared for test. She never felt ready, and she certainly didn't feel ready for this. What would her parents say if she brought back less than an A in any of her classes. "Not even a little bit," she sighed._

_"Hey," he murmured, grabbing both of her hands and pulling her to him._

_"Toby-" she protested with a short laugh, but she was cut off by his lips meeting hers in a soft and gentle kiss._

_He pulled away and looked her right in her eyes, the pride and confidence she saw within them were practically tangible."You'll be fine."_

"You told me I'd be fine," she said softly, the words turning over in her mind.

"I did," he said, tilting her chin upward so that he could meet her eyes. "and I'm saying it again. Spencer, we'll be fine. The fear might linger for awhile, but this won't define us. We'll be fine." There was no more fear in his tone. It was nothing but a soothing confidence. "Everything will be fine."

And for the first time she might have actually believed him.


End file.
